Here’s a Little Something to Inspire You as You Begin Your Week

This story is probably 3+ years old now, but like all good stories it is still super fresh in my mind.

I know quite a few folks who read this blog are from Melbourne and probably know this story. If you do:

Ssshhhh, don’t tell who it’s about

I do hope some day to get the parties involved in this story on the phone so they can tell the story first hand. But I will do my best to tell the story as I remember it.

How You Can Use this Story

You can either use this story as a metaphor for anything you desire or want to achieve in this life or just use it as an example of how to get a member of the opposite sex to “stop being an idiot and come to you”

Engagement Party

And so it was an engagement party like any other, with food, drinks and fun buzzing up and down the room in excess.

It came time for the happy couple to stand up and tell the story of how they met.

And so, the man stood.

Brief Bio

Now this man is many things: tall, intelligent, has a great heart, but he is not a good looking cat.

By comparison the woman is short (I am talking almost Eva Longoria – Tony Parket short) and very very beautiful, so clearly it wasn’t merely that the woman looked at the man and thought he was:

“Tall, dark and handsome.”

In fact as she put it:

“I looked at him and really liked his height, but aside from that, I thought, “Your dreaming!”"

And So They Met

He had been commissioned together with a friend to help her move.

He came, he saw and he was immediately smitten and taken with her.

At the time she was going out with someone from the land of Caucasia and from what I heard she was quite happy with what was going on.

Smitten and excited from head to toe he made a choice:

I have to have her.

No Elegance, Just Persistence

This began what is probably the longest telemarketing campaign in human history. As the woman put it (I paraphrase):

“He used to call me every day. He was soooo annoying!”

But he just kept calling and calling and calling and persisting with conversation, invitations to dates and invitations to swim in the miasma of his passion for her

Thank God They Were Part of the Same Immigrant Community

Because they were invited to and some times attended the same parties.

The Brilliant Plan

During one of these parties, the heroine of the tale decided she would craft a master plan to get this guy off her back once and for all.

1) Accept his advances for the evening

2) Kiss him

3) Viciously reject him afterward thereby destroying his spirit and desire to chase.

Now any man who has been at this “chasing women” game for a while will tell you:

That’s a brilliant plan…….for me!

What the Heresay Accounts Say Happened

As he often did, he persisted and persisted and persisted. He chased her until eventually he found his window of opportunity and used it to lock lips with her.

Kiss! Kiss! Bang !

She was confused, smitten and part of a Mills and Boon novel all at the same time. She got so confused she probably left that kiss in the middle of the night to go feed ducks in the local pond. She was Rapunzel, she was Gabrielle Union to his Morris Chestnut. She fell in love.

From then on……

It was cruise control really all the way to the engagement party. And now, 3 years later, you should see their daughter, she is absolutely gorgeous.

What I Derived from this Story

Now, many of you will probably know this, but many a time, and many a situation, I am a huge coward.

Though it may seem otherwise, I always take very controlled risks and this story reminds me, though I sometimes forget the power of making a decision and going after it.

You don’t necessarily have to take the smoothest or the most elegant route. You just have to decide and go after what it is that has been placed in your heart.

As I said, this story can be used either as a metaphor for something you want in this life – fame, material success and wealth, fame, popularity.

Or maybe just maybe there is that mocha-eyed person who you need to begin chasing with the quickness

Either way Godspeed and I hope I inspired you.

Have a gr888888888 week,

Mwangi

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If you get nothing else from this article watch this vid

I continue answering your questions. Today, it’s all about Kelly. So shall we begin:

kelly asks:

When do you plan to come back to kenya?
What will you come back to do, like specifically?

My Answer:

For the last 5 years, any time I was asked that question, my answer was always an unequivocal yes. I would return as soon as I was able to support myself materially to either:

a) Work on deep social change at the grassroots level or;

b) Make a positive contribution to people’s lives at the grassroots level.

Whereas one would think that starting this blog would have given me even more motivation to stick to that mission, it’s actually had the positive effect. Allow me to explain:

There is So Much to Learn

I LOVE LEARNING! If you want to bribe me, buy me tickets to a Jay Abraham seminar or Anthony Robbins seminar or tell me about the equivalent of the Alfred Deakin lectures and I will be there. Over the course of this blog, I have come to see so much that I want to learn about so many areas, relationships, health, business, music and even grassroots acitivism. Now contrast that with the fact that:

We are a Very Negative People

I hope that since you are a reader of this my most personal work, I can be very honest with you, as I always am. We, African people, to a large extent are a bunch of whiners and crybabies and if not very negative people who like to hide behind any form of material or intellectual success we have.

Now, as I have fallen deeper and deeper in love with all that I can learn in this world, I have reflected more and more and more on how much negativity I would have to put up with working back home. BUT I did make a committment to myself that I would do it and it is of course the noble thing.

So my answer is Yes, I do intend on going home eventually. Where I am currently confused is how and to do what but its definitely to work on improving the state of the country.

Some of the Ideas I Have Had

Long time readers of this blog would probably know about my plans to work in media, I dreamed for the longest time of owning African media and using it to put out positve messages. I have also thought about:

a) Buying my own constituency, as one would a business, optimizing it and then using it and presenting as a model for how to develop.

b) Going back home as a speaker to young people who are about to immigrate

c) Give talks on controlling sexuality and sublimation so as to eliminate rape as a social ill in our society.

d) Start up a church for young African men.

With many other ideas mixed in there. At the moment I am just focussing on optimizing this blog and trying to get to the point where I can support myself online. The ideas are there, not only to go back home, I’ll decide once I achieve my goal of supporting myself what to do next.

kelly asks:

You seem to like marriage a lot, at what age do you envision you will be married?

My Answer:

When I am sure I will be a good partner and husband. In short the most important part of this is how exactly I will ensure that I won’t cheat on my wife and will have the mental strength to see my commitment through. I have a number of ideas as to how to deal with this, and I intend on investigating this a lot over the coming years, but I have no date set yet.

Something Sad I Realized

Again, I speak to you as I would among friends. I like a lot of people, male or female, I lust after many women but I am mentally drawn to very few. You know that stereotype of someone who turns you on mentally……doesn’t happen to me. Now it could be that I hang around the wrong folks or I have very weird standards but either way…..just something weird I realized this week that I also must deal with.

kelly asks:

When you say men don’t feel love like women do, what exactly do you mean?

My Answer:

I must put a caveat on this and say that I definitely need to investigate this area much much deeper. Me thinks the best person to give advice in this area that I know is Julia, after all, she does this for a living.

Usually when I say that, usually half-jokingly, I am referring to the fact that I have known or heard of very few men who need romance or any complex gestures from their partners to be happy, though those would be nice.

A lot of the people I know and have heard of, as long as the woman is happy, they are fed, they have respect as a man and the sex life is good and the man is fine. No need for mink coats or dinners or weird get aways and cruises, all those are for the woman: food+sex+peace+respect= Marital bliss but as I said, Julia is the best person to talk about this one.

kelly asks:

What would make a man stay in a relationship that’s no good for him, when it’s so easy for guys to walk away?

My Answer:

There is a theory that all human behaviour is motivated by two things, a pleasurable or desired feeling/emotion or the need to get away from a negative feeling/state/emotion.

Now if we view life through that lens, then there appear many reasons that someone would stay in the situation that you have just described. I will list a few below:

Positve

1) They made a commitment and want to see it through.

2) They view any temporary moments of discomfort as a part of the game.

3) They have a solid friendship with their partner.

4) They need their partner for some emotional reason or another and their partner needs them.

5) For the children.

6) For harmony

7) The security of the institution

Negative

1) They don’t want to be alone.

2) They don’t want to stop being cooked for, picked up after and taken care of.

3) They don’t want to lose access to sex

4) They don’t want to lose their peer group

5) They don’t want to lose their trophy partner

6) They don’t want to feel rejected

7) The process of leaving would be too uncomfortable.

In short, I don’t know, the reasons are many. It depends on the person, what they are getting out of the relationship and what they are scared they will lose if they leave the relationship. Yet again, let me recommend, Julia…..she has a Masters in it too

The Newsletter

If you are a fan of this article or blog, I encourage you to join and give me feedback ( ) on my Immigrant Survivor Guide Newsletter by putting your first name and email address in the boxes below.

In newsletter, once a week I send you short emails that give you actionable tips that you can immediately apply to make your immigrant experience better including tips on making friends, finding employment, how to stay healthy on the run, things to prepare before you immigrate, staying in touch with people from your home country etc etc.

So please join, and give me feedback, by putting your first name and email in the boxes below:

Have a great day or night,
Mwangi

Ladies, I love you, I adore you and God made you more beautiful than the roof of Sistine Chapel. In addition to that, some of you have genuine reasons to complain, after all, a lot of the time, men are well (no offence fellas) useless really. Just selfish users who don’t bring much to your life. HOWEVER, for the love of all that is peaceful and pure: please stop complaining so much.

Aah Stories from Puppy Love

I remember when I was a wee tyke I once met this girl and we began talking on the phone. Now at the time I had the smoothness and the subtlety of a wrecking ball so I barreled along until eventually she rejected me with, “You are so immature.” I was a teenager, so…….anyway……Years later, I began to reflect on what we talked about whenever we were on the phone and it went a little something like this:

Cue the Narcissism

I love chocolate. One time I was walking and eating some caramel, with some nuts and mint, Cadbury oh-my-goodness-it-was-just-melting-in-my-mouth-chocolate and this boy came to talk to me. I told him psssshhhh, I don’t talk to boys when I’m eating chocolate.

One time I was talking to my friend and this boy interrupted us to talk to me and I was like (three guesses) pssshhh, you can’t interrupt me when I am talking to my friends.

And Then These Delightful Creatures Grow Up to Become Women

Just to be clear, I did not make the above dialogue up. Now that I am older, I realized that a lot of the conversations I have with women are opportunities for women to complain:

You will never guess the stressful day I had, the people at work/ the lecturers did/this tramp did……..(30 minute complaint session)

X person is such a (insert expletive here), they did………..(30 minute monologue).

You will never believe the (expletive) that tried to hit on me today, he actually tried (latest technique that playas and pick up artists are trying), the loser he…..(30 minute soliloquy)

It’s Just Me!

I don’t know if I am alone on this one, but I honestly don’t want to take 30 minutes to learn what you don’t like about the world and it’s current state. Instead I would love to take those 30 minutes and:

a) Find out what you like. What turns you on about this life so I can give you more of it.

b) What you like that I like: We will definitely do more and have more of that.

c) Solving your problems. You know what happens when you have a problem?A solution

But That’s How Women Are…..

I know that a lot of you are saying…….

“But that’s how women are. We work through our problems by ranting and raving about them, meditating on them and having a cry about them. We start the venting on you, not for your benefit, but for ours because we know once the vent is over, whether or not a solution has been reached, we will feel better.”

Here’s Where I am Coming From

Well that’s fair enough. I know there will be those times when you just need a friend/lover/brother/cousin/basically a man to just listen to you and try to understand and empathize with where you are coming from.

Please understand, there will be days when it will be too much and your unleashing of stress will have the melodic timbre of nails being drawn across a chalk board. At times, empathize with me and I will empathize with you.

Understand that:

1. I never burden you with a problem unless I am thinking through the solution with you at the same time.

2. I exist and do my best to make you the happiest and best person I think you can be.

So understand that many a time I will look at it as nothing but needless whining that can be solved. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the fact that you trust me enough to share your inner most turmoil. I’m just sharing some of my turmoil with you.

As a Great Western Poet Once Said say xoxoxo,

Let’s make love and not complain today,

Mwangi

NB: To see the levels of exasperation that this can lead to -from someone who is a much better listener than I (and is a woman) please check out Shiroh’s post on people who ask for advice but don’t act on it.