How This All Got Started?

I have been a reader of Steve Pavlina’s blog for quite a while now and subscribe to it via my Google RSS reader.

A while back, Steve wrote a post entitled, How Bloggers Can Get My Book for Free

(By the way, the offer might still be on the table for all of you bloggers who are interested, so head on over to his site and check it out).

The Idea Behind the Post

Steve wanted to use the power of the blogosphere to launch his new book: Personal Development for Smart People: The Conscious Pursuit of Personal Growth

So, if you’re blog had a significant audience and had been around for a while, you were free to ask for a free review copy of the book AND even a podcast interview.

I Wasn’t Sure I Wanted to Make the Request At First

After all, this is an African personal development blog. I seek out people of African descent doing great things, with full knowledge, that there are volumes upon volumes upon volumes of Western personal development blogs, podcasts, autobiographies etc etc

But Then I Thought About It

This is the Steve Pavlina who inspired me to become vegeterian.
This is the Steve Pavlina who I have linked to repeatedly throughout this blog’s life.
This is the Steve Pavlina who has 2 million readers every single month.
This is the Steve Pavlina who has written the best personal development articles I have ever read online.
This is the Steve Pavlina who inspired me to go on trials, such as My 4 hour work week journey, and record the results for others’ benefit.

All those things, plus many others, culminated in my thinking:

I would have to be blinking mad not to leverage the little success theDisplacedAfrican.com has had to try and get a useful interview with Steve Pavlina out there.

I Asked for Both

And he agreed to be interviewed and sent me a review copy of his book .

Tomorrow, I release my review of Steve’s book, which I worked on, together with Coach Caroline. However, today, why not focus on the main man himself.

Ennnnjjjjooooyyyyy!

PS: If you love this podcast, don’t forget to share it with your friends on Facebook.

The Podcast

What was Discussed

1) Brief intro: Just who is Steve Pavlina ?

2) Some of the defining moments in Steve’s life.

3) How did Steve get the idea to write his brand new book?

4) What was the process he used to write his book?

5) How did Steve get to a place where he experiences flow on a regular basis? (What is flow?)

6) Tips for people who want to become published authors

7) Steve talks about how he got more than 2 million people visiting his site every month.

8 ) How did he arrive at a place where he broke down all personal development into 3 primary principles (truth, love and power) and 4 secondary ones (oneness, authority, courage and intelligence)

9) The link between Anthony Robbin’s work and Steve’s book.

10) How on Earth did Steve finish 4 years of University in 3 semesters? Some tips if you want to do the same.

11) Tips for transitioning to a raw vegan diet – How to overcome some of the common obstacles.

12) The idea from Steve’s book that had the most impact on me: definitely not what you’d expect.

13) Me thinks that it is noble ideal to live a life where one eats solely for nourishment and not for the pleasure. Steve’s thoughts on that idea.

14) What should you put on your not to do list if you want to intelligently pursue conscious, personal development?

15) Much much more

PS: Make sure you pick his book on Amazon.com and return here and tell me what you thought of it:

Websites and Resources

1) StevePavlina.com

2) StevePavlina.com Blog

3) Steve Pavlina’s new book – Personal Development for Smart People: The Conscious Pursuit of Personal Growth

4) What is Flow? The definitive resource on flow – Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience (P.S.)

5) Hay House Publishers

6) Steve’s Article on Graduating College in 3 Semesters

7) Steve talks about the Raw Vegan Diet
10 Tips for College Students

Update on 24th October 2008: Steve Pavlina linked to this article from his Twitter and the Steve Pavlina blog.

So What Must We Begin Doing NOW as an African Immigrant Community

We must make it a habit and/or a ritual to record any and all successes we have as African immigrants AND share them with our fellow African immigrants who may not be “up to our level”, no matter how small or large our successes.

Why is This Important?

Let me ask you a question: How many of you STRUGGLED when you first landed abroad?

You struggled to understand the weird words that were coming out of the foreigner’s mouth. You struggled to understand why they weren’t talking and acting like normal people would.

You struggled with public transport. You struggled getting your first job. You struggled on your first day of class. You struggled to understand all the paperwork and documentation necessary to make things happen.

Important Question

Now, how many people came before you and went through just what you went through? How many do you think took as much if not more time to get to pretty much where you are?

Reducing a Learning Curve

What if JUST ONE of those people who came before you said:

OK! I am now relatively settled in this place. Boy that adjusting and acclimatization process was rough. I don’t want other folks to have it that hard, spending 3 years just to say “they got here”. I think I will put this down into a free manual and just share it with all the new arrivals when I pick them up at the airport or see them in the church or community gatherings.

Though the Above Idea is Just an Abstract Example…….

….it’s not a ridiculous impossibility. Just think about how much quicker the learning curve would be for the incoming immigrant had JUST ONE guide from JUST ONE immigrant.

Now imagine if 5 immigrants got together,exchanged notes and did the exact same thing. So where one person was weak, or wrong or went the long way, someone shows them the alternative better or shorter way.  Where there were other holes in one view of the world, someone else covered them up. How much shorter would their learning curve be?

This Happened For Real

By far, one of my least popular, “but so useful I think it should do well” series is How to Immigrate to Australia within a week (most of the hyperlinks above are from that series). That guide actually got written after I helped a new person settle into the country.

The first day she arrived in the country, she already had a job. Within a fortnight she had:

a) A bank account that was transferring money to and from her country.

b) Accomodation and all the accomodation accesories bought and paid for.

c) An understanding of how to get around by public and private transport.

d) Knew the websites and places where one could find work.

Now, when I started job hunting, it took me close to 6 months to find my first job. She managed to get a job on HER FIRST DAY.

This simple habit can save people so much on time, money and emotional energy it’s not even funny.

Don’t We Already Do This?

Now to a large extent we as an African community already do this in a very informal person-to-person way. When my family and I first arrived, there was a family that showed us around and told us things like:

People will always want to touch your hair. They love natural African hair.

But what I am talking about is:

a) Sitting down putting it into a form that can be mass distributed and mass consumed.

b) Distributing it so that one man’s insights can reduce the learning curve of many, not just immigrants.

In short, how the lessons from one man can help elevate the consciousness and decision making of other children of the soil about to make a trans-ocean migration.

On the next article in this series I will talk about HOW we can go about doing this effectively.

To become a part of my attempt at doing what I have just described check out:

The Newsletter

If you are a fan of this article or blog, I encourage you to join and give me feedback ( ) on my Immigrant Survivor Guide Newsletter by putting your first name and email address in the boxes below.

I Hate Spam, So I Won’t Share Your Email With Anyone.

In newsletter, once a week I send you short emails that give you actionable tips that you can immediately apply to make your immigrant experience better including tips on:

i) Making friends

ii) Finding employment

iii) How to stay healthy on the run

iv) Things to prepare before you immigrate

v) Staying in touch with people from your home country

v) Tips on how to transition from a student to a permanent resident and/or citizen in Australia etc etc.

So please join, and give me feedback, by putting your first name and email in the boxes below:

I Hate Spam, So I Won’t Share Your Email With Anyone.

Part one of the 10 things I wish I knew before I left Africa
One of my teachers once told me, “If you want to succeed, put words to things which people haven’t put words to yet. Give a name to, verbalize or talk about gnawing feelings that people have that they just can’t describe.” Ironically, I am about to do that for myself and in so doing I hope I give voice to some of the things that YOU experience.

Before I Landed in the Land Down Under

Before landing in Australia I was pretty sure I was the most charimatic thing since sliced bread took up a microphone and called itself the Backstreet Boys (don’t ask, it’s 1 in the morning, expect more metaphors like this to come). At the age of 12 years old I had gone from a social pariah who pulled my socks all the way into my hot pant shorts to the class clown who was always the life of the party. This continued all the way into high school with my having the distinct honour of being the only person who was in the bottom quadrant of the class, had the most strikes on my record for talking and cracking jokes in class and HAD NOT been suspended (profuse thanks to the management of Strathmore that are reading this.To Kenyans reading this, yes I went to Strath and no the suffix following Strath is not morons, we is smart em boys no deserve col dat us.)

This pretty much set the stage for my expectations as I flew over to Australia. I expected to land here and be the life of all parties I attended and mixed with the myth and mandingo and the girls I thought I would have it pretty good as far as girls were concerned. And so I arrived……….

It Was Like a Frog Slowly Boiling to Death

You know how when you cook a frog, you can slowly turn the heat up and the frog will never know that it’s slowly being cooked to death. That was kinda how my fall back into being a social pariah took place. The only difference between me and the frog is that I boiled much quicker.Much much quicker.

My first week here I was the coolest new accesory: Every boy was inviting me to their parties and declaring their unconditional love for me; girls swooned at my delightful foreign accent and everything was on the up and up. Three weeks later and every boy was trying to figure out how to best get rid of me, the swooning had become a ‘hope that he doesn’t try to say hi to me,” and I was hanging out with a witch.Yes, a witch. He was a full on Wicca witch, with the broom, the hat and the collection of mystic spells. Very nice guy inspite of his idiosyncracies. Needless to say it was pretty much downhill from there.

A Few Quick Observations

And so over the years as I moved from one person to another feeling rejected over and over again and comparing my experiences with those of my friends-some of whom fit right in- I began to notice a couple of things:

1) A lot of the Africans who get accepted quick are the people who are deep into the whole hip hop thing. Now I am not a gangsta rap fan. In fact in a couple of weeks I will be writing a piece on how we can free ourself of the verbal garbage spewed in gangsta rap on a continual basis. However, the kids who enter the diaspora with blunts in their mouths, their hands on their groins and chips on their shoulders tend to get accepted really well.

2) Another group that also gets accepted quickly are what I like to call the ‘cultural chameleones’. These are the people who can quickly and easily adapt their behaviour depending on who they are interacting with.These people absoloutely fascnitate me. One of them was a very close friend of mine and whenever he was talking to the Aussies he spoke entirely in their language: He cracked their jokes, played their games, watched their shows and listened to their music. When it was time for him to chill with his countrymen it was sheng 24/7 and never did I feel as though I was talking to an outsider.I was none of these things. As I lived here, my admiration of mainstream music declined rapidly. I went from a place of being deeply ashamed of my race and heritage to being absoloutely consumed by it (which is where I am at now; I must blog on this in future). In addition to that I was not willing to change because:a) I wasn’t a fan of their customs and culture; my identity was pretty well formed by the time I got here and I found it pretty difficult to relate their culture to how I’d grown up.b) I really did not want to change for the Australians because I felt that if tables were turned they probably wouldn’t reciprocate. Whereas I am not the type of guy who asks others to make sacrifices first, I will rarely make sacrifices for people I feel can never sacrifices, or changes for me.

Is This Where Tolerance Is?

Yup! To be clear by tolerance I mean: the ability to endure living with one another without being friends and without being enemies and with a basic respect for one another as members of the same human race.It was the only option I knew of if I was to accept this margninalization without having any hard feelings towards the people who I feel rejected me.

Does Tolerance Really Suck?

Yes…..and no.No, because if you look at it from a global perpective it’s absoloutely great. Here I am blessed to live in not only the most livable city on Earth, but also one of the most multicultural- it’s either second to Montreal or number one I forget. The fact that all of us can coexist without absoloutely slaughtering each other is a true testament to what human beings are capable of doing. There are definetly lessons I can take from Australia that can be translated to our multi-tribal society in Kenya.On a personal basis, there are definitely things about chosing to be a tolerant person that suck. One is the fact that everytime I enter a conversation with an Australia there is a voice in the back of my head that says pretty much the same thing every time:

“You know that this won’t last! They will get to a point where they will realize that we can’t get along and then I’ll have to watch them go through the awkard phase of trying to end the interaction.”

Five Years Later

So here I am, five years later. I must admit those first couple of years really hurt. I never felt so expendable in my life. Wanting to avoid feeling that expendable ever again has driven majority of my decisions over the last five years.

At this time I still don’t have Australian friends on speed dial. However unlike five years ago I am much wiser and much more tolerant and understanding of just how things got to be the way they are right now. In addition to that I am finally at a place where I do not blame the Aussies at all for not accepting me and definitely do not hold them responsible for the solution.

Solutions?

So after reading this, what if you say to yourself, “I don’t want to go through that.” I want to have great relationships with my brothers and sisters in other countries. I don’t want to feel lonely or isloated. How can I avoid this and have great friendships while in the diaspora? Let me share with you a couple of things that I believe, had I employed from the get go would have made my Australian social experience much smoother:

1) Why Do You Have Relationships With Other Human Beings?

By relationships I don’t just mean intimate, romantic or male-female relationships. I mean ALL relationships. Every friendship you develop. Every person you flirt with. Take some time to figure out why you do it. What does being with other people give you that you can’t get on your own? Now, I know that for a lot of you this is probably the first time you have ever stopped to think about this and so I know a few of you will probably come up with some eloquent response like, “Uuhhhh, I dunno.” That’s fine. If you did know, or if someone had been observing you all your life, why would they say you have relationships. Would they say you enter relationships:

1) To feel special/unique?

2) To feel needed?

3) To feel loved, unconditionally cared for?

4) To magnify your emotions- to make your joy more joyful by spreading it , to share your successes and make them even greater etc etc

5) To feel as though you are a part of something, a community?

6) None of the above?

7) Another reason?

Answering this one question can make a huge diffference in your life because you can now begin to consciously seek people who meet your emotional needs and this can only lead to more fulfilling relationships.

For me, personally, the reason I enter relationships is pretty much to feel needed and feel special. I have a great family and so I have always felt and loved and cared for and so from a very young age when I went out into the world it was to feel like I had a unique gift that someone was just waiting to receive. If I feel you need me, and that I am bringing something to your life that NO ONE ELSE can, then I always joke, “You could be an absoloute prick,” and I will still be your friend.

So if you stop reading here that’s cool, but take the time and figure out why you interact with other people. Don’t be like me. Don’t wait for relationships to sour before asking this crucial question?

2) Curiosity, Empathy and Appreciation

When it comes to an existence in a foreign land, curiosity just might save the cat. Rather than pre-judging the customs and cultural habits of foreigners as stupid just because they differ from ours, take time to ask, “Why do they do that? What is the pay off for them?”
Some other good questions to ask are, “What can I learn from their habits, fashion etc? What similarities do they have to me?” These questions help you discover commonalities that you share with other people. Ultimately aren’t all friendships based on having things in common, even if it is just one thing.

Empathy comes in when you are willing to take a walk in their shoes and see life through their eyes. Take a walk in Australian skinny jeans, whether or not you agree (or can fit ) with them or not. Do this WITHOUT bringing any of your prejudices along and with an intention of fully understanding why other people do what they do. This will definitely get you friends quick because correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t we all just love it when someone is willing to listen, REALLY LISTEN, and see life from our point of view without judging us.

Finally, it’s appreciation. On the base level, appreciate them for just being your fellow human beings. Beyond that, if in the midst of your curious explorations you find that you have similarities to foreigners, cherish them, celebrate them, nurture, grow and appreciate them.

3) What Do You Bring (or What Could You Bring) to the Table?

This in my opinion is the most important solution of all. After discovering why you interact with other human beings in the first place, take a moment and ask yourself, “Why would anyone ever want to hang out with me?” This is especially for you high maintenance people who have a lot of standards and preconditions and requirements that people must meet to become and remain your friend. Ask yourself, “Am I really worth hanging around? Would someone of high standards want to hang out with me?” If the answer is, “Yes,”, “Why would they?”

Can you imagine how great it can be if for example you figure out that the one thing you have always brought to friendships is say, a listening ear and a shoulder that others can cry on? I can assure you that one thing that is universal and everybody goes through is problems. You could pretty much go from being the listener, confidante and counsellor at home to the listener abroad. I know quite a few people who are absoloutely adored because of having this gift.
What if you are a funny man who can crack a smile from a corpse. Then, all you have to do is watch what the funny men here do and what makes people over here laugh and you can go right back to being mister funny man.

The Angry Mentality

Something I am yet to mention is that my reaction to the marginalization is far from being the only way people react. There is however another reaction that a lot of people have to this feelings of rejection and it’s anger.

They direct their anger at the people who reject them. Some of the signs that someone might be having this reaction include:

1) Listening to 2pac’s song, “They don’t give a……about us” too many times a day.

2) Constantly having the conversation, “We are better than (insert race or nationality here) people because…….we have culture and they don’t/we are friendly and they have no community/ we are not all about money etc etc.

This reaction has a host of advantages: People who adopt the angry mentality tend to set very high standards when interacting with foreigners and don’t ,”take crap.”. In a society like this that can slowly beat one to the ground piece by piece, this mentality can also be useful to have as it keeps a fire under you butt when the society is trying to push you down. And of course, people who are angry tend to be able to do more than people who feel sad, lonely or depressed.

The disadvantage of course is that its a high stress reaction that brings stress to you, strains your existing and future relationships. For this reason and because it simply isn’t in my nature to blame others for my problems, even when it is their fault, I didn’t adopt this mentality.

Conclusion

Now I know a lot of you are saying that, “It can’t really be that simple.” You are absoloutely right , it’s not. A lot of it you have to play by the ear as you go through the challenges of every day life. If you want one simple tip that can save you a lot of hastle then it would be this.
Find people in the diaspora who live the type of life you want to live (this is not restricted to socially, it can include economically, spiritually, in their intimate relationships etc) and find out what they believe, what they think and what they do and basically do what they do-as NLP practioners would call it modelling. If you do this I see no reason that you shouldn’t have uber fulfilled while you are in the West.

I must note that in this post I have made a large number of generalizations just for the sake of clarity and to keep it short. As always, leave a comment and let me know if this post has served, anything I may have missed or any thoughts that may occur to you as you read this. Till next time………

Be blessed so you may be a blessing unto others,

Mwangi

The first post of the Displaced African blog: Yeah!

First of all I must confess the title of the series is somewhat misleading. I almost never experience the emotion of regret to be quite honest. Instead I always look at every stupid thing I do as a learning experience for the next moment. If it were written for me I would have called it Ten things I have learned during my 5 year stay in Australia. The fact is, I am not writing this for me, I am writing this as a resource for ALL OF YOU especially if you somewhere in Mama Africa about to make the long journey to a Western country. I hope this series is of service to you and feel free to contact me and let me know your thoughts, in spite of your location or ethnicity.

Picture this: It’s cold winter day in June 2002. The world cup final is playing out, Brazil vs Germany. This is the big one. The greatest world cup ever. Something even more important was happening in my life.I was arriving in Australia. I remember as I stepped out of the plane in my bermuda shorts and light cotton t-shirt thinking, “Jeeezzz now that’s cold,” before retreating into the jet and declaring that I was not getting out. But I did. Had I known these 10 things that frigid June evening, my life would have been dramatically different and stripped of the lllooooonnnggg learning curve that the past five years have been. At this point in my life I am begining to wrap my head around them and as I do I thought that as I do I would share them with you.

1) We don’t have to be friends but we damn sure have to get along

2) We went from brothers and sisters to n***az and b****es

3) Ashanti Kingdom; Isn’t that the name of a new R&B album?

4) I am an African! An East African African! An East African Christian African! An East African, Kenyan, Nairobi born and raised African! An East African, Entrepreneurial, Nairobi born………

5) There’s no way I’m putting my shady native name on my resume, it won’t look good. Black power!

6) I am what I think I am!

7) The myth of Mandingo’s girls waiting at the airport

8 ) Wow you’re successful; and you look just like me!!

9) An apple a day

10) These are the choices that never end, they will go on and on my friend, some people started choosing things not knowing what they was but they’ll continue choosing things just because these are the choices that never end they will go on and on…..

There you have it. The first ever series in the history of the Displaced African. For those who may not understand what the previous 10 points were all about, come along on the journey with me and we will unravel what they mean together.

Till then be blessed so you may be a blessing to others,

Mwas