I exist in an extremely odd shade of gray. This post will be as the title suggests, a confused convoluted conversation about confusion. Uncensored and unedited, straight from my brain to your eyes.

Discussion

I was talking to a friend of mine today. This guy is one of the first people I ever met when I came to this country and we both came when we were in high school and have pretty much entered adulthood in this country.

We Have a Very Strange Identity

Our identities are odd because:

1) We identify with Kenyan culture much more than we do the host culture: Here it’s a 50/50 split. Some people come in their teens and completely soak up this culture, the language, the fashion and make their friends and their lives here.

Then there are people like us who come here either 3/4 formed or fully formed (I of course speak of psychology, body, hormones etc etc very different story) who have been so shaped by the culture of where we came from and/or may have been rejected by the people here so we find it weird to change.

2) We Think and Act VERY Differently From Native Kenyans

Want clear proof of that? Look at this blog. I have 227 articles that I spent 9 months putting together simply because it was what I felt would be the most meaningful thing to do.

In Africa that = An idiot

Sure from time to time, some of us should get together and talk about what we should do and maybe even engage in projects part time. But engaging in a blog FULL TIME for 9 months where you pour everything into it and put the message and the purpose ahead of the money.

That’s absolute stupidity

The other differences are quite subtle but they are definitely there. What it boils down to though is:

I love where I am from and identify with it at the core of my being.

There are MANY things I dislike about my culture at the core.

There are MANY things I like about the Australian culture at my core.

A Few of My Favorite Things

I like the fact that people here, not always but enough that it counts, don’t wait for people to solve their problems but take it upon themselves to do so, starting new industries and social movements in the process.

I love the personal development movement.

I love the fact that people here are willing to put themselves on the line for an idea and won’t just sit on the sidelines criticizing.

I love the fact that people here actually think about their health AND take action in the way they eat and live to take care of their bodies.

I love the fact that people here are always testing out their boundaries in real life instead of in the abstract.

As I said, this meandering post will probably resonate with some of you who are just plain confused and feel like a tiny minority in a large Western country.

There Is No Sub-Culture For People Like Me

I am not saying this because of arrogance but its true. I know no one like me. I know no one who has feet in both puddles like I do. There are no songs sung about people like me, no movies made, no poets, no discussion groups, no forums.

I just have to spend my time immersed with African culture one day and put it to the side while I engage in Western affairs another day.

I have to speak with a certain slang one day and change it up the next.

Not That I Am Complaining

I think I have been too blessed in my life to just be outright angry about something that is ultimately not a bad quality problem to have.

This situation doesn’t really anger me. It just saddens me from time to time, because I am yet to resolve it. If this resonated with you, leave a comment below or email me and let me know what your situation is.

Working through the confusion,

Mwangi

I am back with the final edition on the series. First of all, a quick refresher on what we have discussed so far:

1) One Thing We MUST Begin Doing NOW As African Immigrants

2) What Every African Immigrant Ought to Know About Recording and Sharing Success

3) In What Areas Do We as African Immigrants Need to Record and Share Our Successes

To be honest I am quite surprised I have this much to say on this topic, but I think if we honestly embrace these ideas and implement them we can have GINORMOUS impact on the African immigrant community.

Today I will give two very quick ideas on how we can distribute this information in the best way.

What I Recommend as the Format of Delivery?

Stories

We go into trances when we hear great stories. Using stories, especially personal stories is a great way to transmit messages, morals and tips that can be used to uplift someone.

So if you have a story of overcoming triumpth, put people into a trance with it and share with them your principles of success. Here think autobiographies and those newspaper profiles on great men.

Can your imagination craft a magnificent tale? Link it to some principle or positive idea and use the story as a metaphor for what people could do ala Who ate my Cheese and the parables by the carpenter from Nazareth.

How Tos

I think everyone is pretty clear on what a how to is (if not, please leave a comment below and we can discuss it) and so I will give some quick ideas on how to craft a great how to.

Some Quick Ideas

Here many will disagree with me (and I really don’t do this enough), but I think whenever we are crafting our communications with people, a lot of the time we should exist under the assumption that we are crafting a message for arrogant, spoiled idiots who don’t like us and won’t want to hear what we have to say.

The reason we would do that is so that we are forced to overcompensate by:

1) Making messages attractive: Looking at the process of getting your message across more like an exercise in marketing as opposed to thinking that people should listen to the idea because, “it’s the right thing to do.”

They won’t, get over that and work within that reality. People will listen to the idea that is most in their interests, especially in the short term and that which is crafted in the most seductive manner. Leave your moral indignation at the door……

2) Simplifying our ideas: More than just satirical, I really meant it when I said African people LOOOOVE big words. We love being esoteric and sounding intelligent, myself included. If we use the assumption above, then we are forced to simplift things so they are universally understandable, acceptable and most importantly, applicable.

3) Step by step by step: People don’t like to be overloaded by information that is thrown at them out of context. We tend to freeze over or glaze over or just straight up ignore it.

Instead, put the information into a simple, attractive form where people are guided along and told what to do step by step by step, one step at a time.

Do this and you have the perfect: how to. Examples would be:

a) How to get a job when you are a new arrival in a country.

b) How to renew your visa.

c) How to choose great, loyal, trustworthy friends.

d) How to set up a computer and how to use a computer.

To Finish Off, Do Me a Favour……..

As soon as you finish reading this series please do the following:

1) Sit down if you haven’t already

2) Write down all the little successes you have had along the way – getting a job, getting good friends, getting accommodation,  learning how to feel comfortable around foreigners.

3) Choose a topic area that you enjoy talking about and will be valuable to other Africans.

4) Choose a method to distribute the information.

5) Think about how to simplify the message and make it attractive and compelling.

6) Share it with other African immigrants who may not be ‘up to your level’ and help bring them up.

If enough of us do just those six things, the African race will look very very very different come New Years 2009. Leave a comment below and let me know your thoughts, ideas or questions about this topic.

Godspeed,

Mwangi

If you Like this Podcast, Please Subscribe to the Displaced African Podcast

If you click here, you’ll watch a free video I created that shows you how to subscribe to the Displaced African podcast (which is updated once a week).

The Podcast Interview

Things Covered

1) Introduction, why and how she arrived in Melbourne Australia

2) Did she arrive in the country with the intention of returning to her home country, Kenya?

Employment

3) Impressions on employment and employment opportunities

4) How the Australian labor market accepts Africans and people who have worked in Africa

5) Tips for overcoming initial hurdles you may face in regards to employment.

6) CRUCIAL TIP: Tips for leveraging FREE existing government support and resources when entering the job market

Racism and Race Relations

7) Her impressions on racism in the community and the workplace

8 ) Tips on racism for new immigrants

Culture

9) Her impressions on the cultural mix of Australia.

10) What she has gained from the culture of Australia

Maintaining a Healthy Lifestyle

11) Comparisons between her ability to maintain a healthy lifestyle in Australia and in her home country, Kenya.

Education

12) Fantastic thoughts on the Australian education system and comparisons with the Kenyan education system

13) Tips for parents raising children in Melbourne in terms of education. Compare this with the way Stella Mwangi aka STL was raised. Definitely worth thinking about taking control of teaching one’s child language and maths and not leaving that up to the State.

Raising Children in Melbourne

14) Challenges and insights

15) The difference in relationship between raising a child in Kenya and in Melbourne.

Websites Mentioned

1) KUMON

2) Kip Mcgraph

3) Centrelink

4) Job Network

5) New Enterprise Incentive Scheme

Hope this is of service to you,

Mwangi

We Don’t See Things as They Are, We See Things as We Are

This is one of the biggest lessons that immigration will teach you. Two people can be standing at the same moment in time at the same place looking at the same thing and be thinking entirely different things based on their background, culture, beliefs, race and conditioning.

Though we rarely are brave enough to admit it in public, in our heart of hearts, all of us know that as many flaws as we can point out in the other person’s perception of the world, there are probably as many holes in ours.

Who knows maybe the areas where his perceptual framework is full may help fill up places where there are holes in our view of the world. Take advantage of these different schemas, that’s where depth of character and creativity come from.

Just a little something to think about.

Be blessed and bless others,

Mwangi

In the midst of my assisting a brand new immigrant to settle in, I happened upon two cool resources that can help anyone who is settling into Australia.

1) Skills Info:

This webpage in short gives you more information on the skills and occupations that are in demand in Australia:

Skills in Demand

2) Things to do first:

Consider this like the official version of How to Immigrate to Australia Within a Week.

If you are immigrating to Australia to settle, it gives you the first 7 (best number) things you should do:

Things to do first

Final Matter on the Agenda

If any of you lovely readers know anyone or know anyone who knows anyone who knows anyone who is an immigration consultant or lawyer or is simply an expert on immigration law or the immigration process for Africans in the diaspora, I would love to talk to them.

My agenda is that at some point we create a section of this website dedicated to not just understanding immigration law, but leveraging it for our benefit so please, I am unable to be proactive on this one for the next couple of weeks, if you know anyone please send me an email at masmilele@thedisplacedafrican.com

They don’t even need to be a writer, all I need are their time, ideas, knowledge and expertise. I’ll figure out the rest.

Thank you everybody.

Be blessed and bless others,

Mwangi

Final section in the series where Njeri aka meek meek gives you the skinny on how she sees immigrant life. Make sure you read the articles from the last two days to read part 1 and 2. I come back from camp tomorrow. Yay! Finish your weekend right, Mwangi

8. Buy everything on sale…everybody else does…and if they don’t they are very dumb. Don’t buy anything at full price….I came to this country with about $5000 in savings. That lasted less than three months…between the designer jeans, shoes, accessories e.t.c…I spent it all. You can get everything cheap don’t go crazy and don’t be ashamed to be ’seen’ buying cheap stuff, first of all nobody is watching you and even if they are they probably will never see you again…my motto is ‘as long as it looks good get it’ ….I bought a pair of jeans for 400 dollars…. i don’t even like telling this story… i somehow forgot that that translated to 28,000 kshs… Hindsight is an exact science but please try and avoid doing this. Buy expensive food though, buy organic. Cheap out here when it comes to food is not better. I know it can be overwhelming to go to the store and actually choose…so many labels! but try. I actually believe that it helps not only nourish your body but your mind too. When you eat right you think better. Exercise is important too… Jog a little it helps clear your mind.

9. Avoid stuff thats fake, don’t get involved in any schemes that don’t seem right. Go online if it sounds tricky and ask questions. When i got here i used yahoo questions alot. I asked about anything and everything. I have seen alot of people get deported because they involved themselves in fraudulent schemes and i know many more who will. Its usually your friends who come to you and whisper about some brilliant scheme to make money, don’t fall for it… if they are actually your friends they wont turn their backs on you when you show your disinterest. I have taught myself not to starve at someone else’s expense, i have also learnt how not to get into trouble. Stay away from drugs and people who do them, because if you are caught in a car with someone who has drugs, more often then not they will claim those drugs were yours and just like the DWI thing i mentioned earlier its not easy to get yourself up after that.

10. People overlook Social Security and Credit. Take your time to understand these. Credit is very important, good credit is almost a currency in itself. You need to build your credit and eventually it will allow you to get everything you need. With a clean record [no arrests] and good credit, the opportunities in this country are endless. Do not overlook your taxes either. Do everything by the book. this is not Africa ‘deals’ wont help you here but if you do everything by the book you can eventually get anything you want from good loans, a big house to nice cars and great investments. This is why, if you are planning to come and live in the states, you SHOULD NOT come on a visitors visa….Because you will not get a social security card so you will not be able to build your credit or get a job or go to school or get an apartment or anything. I have been here two years and the best i could get is a shared apartment, i cant buy a car or go to school or get a job but i have two or three good friends and they have been there for me thats why i emphasize on friendship so much.

I have been reading this book by Dave Eggers, its called ‘What is the What’ He says something in the beginning of the book that i hold as true, he says ‘I am tired of this country. I am thankful for it, yes, I have cherished many aspects of it for the three years i have been here, but i am tired of the promises. I came here, four thousand of us came here, contemplating and expecting quiet. Peace and college and safety. We expected a land without war and, i suppose, a land without misery. We were giddy and impatient. We wanted it all immediately-homes,families, college, the ability to send money home, advanced degrees, and finally some influence. But for most of us, the slowness of our transition-after five years i still don’t have the necessary credits to apply for a four year college-has wrought chaos. We waited ten years in Kakuma and i suppose we did not want to start all over here. We wanted the next step, and quickly. But this has not happened not in most cases, and in the interim, we have found ways to spend the time. I have held too many menial jobs, and currently work at the front desk of a health club, on the earliest possible shift, checking in members and explaining the club’s benefits to prospective members. This is not glamorous, but it represents a level of stability unknown to some. Too many have fallen, too many feel they have failed. The pressure upon us, the promises we cannot keep with ourselves-these things make monsters of too many of us.’ This is by far one of the most well written books i have seen in the last few years… I believe however that the lesson is clear. Get a hold of this book if you can and read about a fellow immigrant, Also get ‘the infidel’ By Ayaan Hirsi Ali. These books have little nuances here and there that can help you understand what exactly you are getting into.

Alot of people will tell you be patient and swallow your pride and do whatever it takes to survive. I have lived here and i have been patient and i have done whatever it took to survive, but i will never sell my soul for a dream that wasn’t mine initially [the American Dream]. I have not done anything that i did not want to do. Do what you think is right. Always remember to be true to yourself. You really don’t have to stoop as low as they tell you to….you do have to stoop but to wherever you are comfortable. Before you come here you need to know what it is you want and how far you would go to get it. Stay out of trouble. I have a friend who i argue with constantly, his argument is the reason most foreigners fail when they come to this country is that they never fully commit to being here. At the back of their minds they are still convinced that they can always go back. I agree with him. If you fully commit to being here and you give yourself no choice but to succeed you will succeed. My argument however, is that if its not working after a few years of trying and if its not getting better don’t be afraid to leave, don’t wait until its too late. More that anything be analytical and logical don’t let your emotions influence your decisions.Those are my two cents…Good luck and God speed!!

This is part 2 of Njeri’s 2 cents to the next group of soon to be Afropolitans. Please make sure you check out yesterday’s post for part 1. Be blessed, Mwangi.

4. Do what you came here to do… There is alot to see and alot to do but dont get sidetracked. Come, get a driving license, get an ID, get into school, get a job, get a car, get your own place to stay, start saving and then you can party all you like. Do not spend money on partying. I cannot justify spending money on partying and i have been out here almost two and a half years! Dont do it, its really not that serious. People will take advantage of you if you spend money on them in the club and when your broke they wont remember that you spent money on them at all. This place can be very cruel and lonely. If you keep your eye on the goal and you stay focused it will pay off in the end… but you dont want to see the bad side so stick to what your plan was and you wont ever have to. Im not saying dont go…just dont go and pay for it. Alot of people fail out here and misery loves company, dont fall for any of it. I have spent a good part of my two years out here having fun and i really don’t have much to show for it apart from the occasional really bad hangover, but it could have been worse. I have a friend who calls the states ‘ a concrete jungle’ i believe thats from a Bob Marley song but its true. You could go out and your drink could be drugged by your ‘friends’, this has happened to me on more than one occasion so i urge you to be careful. You could go to the wrong places and get shot, i have been at a club where the actually pulled out guns and started shooting. You could hang out with the wrong crowd, get really drunk, and drive yourself home only to be stopped by the police… that means a DWI [driving while intoxicated] which is a misdemeanor that means for the next year you will be paying for lawyers legal fees and court fines, these usually add up to about 12,000 dollars and alot of time spent on running around trying to find the right lawyer and so on. Thats probably the most expensive drink you will ever have not to mention that it will be on your ‘record’ and whenever you apply for a job it will show up and make any employer think twice about hiring you. Its funny how very few people mention these things when you get here, People will casually ask you to drive and you will think nothing of it until your sitting behind bars with nobody to bail you out.

5. Do not keep to your own, seriously, make friends with people from where you are going. More often than not they end up saving you in some way or other. I have a few friends out here who have been there for me more than any Kenyan has. I can tell you from experience that your own people probably sold their souls a long long time ago when this country showed them its cruel side, and they really don’t mind watching you suffer. Its almost like monolisation, they want you to go through it…. its initiation into westernization and you don’t deserve it, so make a few friends… white friends preferably [and i swear that was not a racist slur] I have this friend who has supported me through everything, without her many of the questions i had would not have been answered. I am friendly however so its helped alot, I got my first job through a friend of a friend of a friend so as i said it all boils down to how many friends you have and how much they support you. I also have my ‘big bro’ and without him none of this would be possible at all. Be at peace with everyone you meet because you might meet the same people down the line and you might need them. Dont burn bridges and of course do not come thinking everybody is bad there are exceptions to the rule.

6. Don’t get into a relationship, don’t do long distance, don’t have casual encounters, don’t… Somehow all of that boils down to money or severe emotional distress, so give it some time…. Focus on your goal. I’m dead serious, Focus, because any kind of relationship takes time out of your busy schedule and money out of your pocket and if you dont have either that makes you miserable…so be miserable, find a few friends that you can hang out with once in a while and just be miserable…lol eventually when everything you have been working so hard for comes to fruition you will be happy you waited. Be prepared to be very lonely because its very different out here. Be prepared to be shunned, ignored, stepped on… they told me i would get culture shock, i didnt really, i had moral shock instead, i couldnt understand how people could be so immoral and how nobody held themselves accountable…i wondered for a long time how a society could be so ‘mannerless’ [thats for lack of a better word but i believe its apt] i mean this literally, i think talking right, using youre knife and fork, being courteous, saying please and thank you; these things were all left in the ‘dark ages’ or at least thats how it seems when you get out here. Its not like what you see on ‘TV’. What you see on ‘TV’ is actually, more often than not, considered ‘ghetto’. There are exceptions to the rule but most of it is ghetto.

7. Get online. There is an answer to everything online. Immigration issues, school issues, work issues, maps, banks, everything is here. I dont know how i would have survived in the states without GOOGLE. Im serious. Anything you don’t know you can google and if all else fails ask me Get online preferably before you get to the states and look up everything you need to know. If you are coming to the states ask your fellow bloggers questions. No question is too dumb and trust me alot of people dont want you to suffer like they have.

Ladies and gentlemen it’s the middle of June. A lot of wonderfully fresh, optimistic, naïve and open minds are currently making “the move” from Africa to the West. This series, is for all of y’all who are making this great trek. This is also for all the people who are already abroad and want to guide these new arrivals but don’t quite know how.

I thought I would list some of the blog’s articles that give you useful, actionable information to help you navigate the tough waters of immigrant life, especially in the early days.

Help a Brother or a Sister Out

So if you know someone is about to immigrate overseas and you want to help them out, email this article by clicking on the “Email this” link at the bottom of the article.

By the way, if you haven’t, please make sure you sign up for my free Immigrant Survivor Guide Newsletter which is to the right of this article because I cover a lot of the stuff below in the newsletter. Sign up by filling in your first name and your email address.

10 Resources to Get You Started as an Immigrant

For guidance on how to become an immigrant in the first place, I will recommend Mwalimu.com and Workpermit.com

1) What is it Like Saying Goodbye to African Soil ? I wrote a post which got discussion started on that a while ago. Please ensure you leave a comment and add to the body of knowledge.

2) For those of you immigrating to Melbourne Australia., listen to some opinions on Melbourne from:
a) A student who arrived in early 2008.
b) Myself
c) My younger sisters who are 14 and 11.

3) The One Thing they Never Tell You Before You Immigrate: Gal Africana from a search for sanity talks about the rarely discussed loneliness that comes with being “the only black face in sight”.

4) How to Immigrate to Australia Within a Week :I wrote a long, extremely detailed series to help you “get settled” in your first week as an immigrant .

The article helps you deal with things like accomodation, mailing arrangements, banking, employment, documentation and so on and so forth.

I wrote it with students immigrating to Australia in mind, but I think anyone immigrating can get value out of it.

Check out the checklist that summarizes the entire series here. For all you immigrant veterans out there, feel free to add information to the series by leaving comments on the various posts.

5) The Secret to Working Beyond the 20 Hours Per Week Work Limit: Things you must be aware of if you chose to go against the 20 hours work per week limit that exists in Australia and the US. Read that post in collaboration the phenomenal guest posts by:

a) Seinlife on 5 Mistakes to Avoid as a Foreign Student in the US

b) Acolyte from My Part of the World

6) A word of advice you’ll hear often that you may dismiss: It has two parts:

a) This place is full of distractions.

b) Know why you’re here and keep your eye on the prize.

Don’t dismiss this advice: it separates the winners from the losers.

7) Do you ever intend on immigrating back to Africa? Don’t leave this to chance. Be fully aware at all times of whether or not you will and your reasons why.

8 ) Coach Carol outlines 7 barriers to immigrant success.

9) My personal thing thrown in here: A lot of you will get irritated by statements like, “Wow! You speak such good English!” or questions like, “Is Africa a country?” Don’t be. Just how much did you know about the State of Iowa or the Federal States and territories of Australia before you left Africa?

10) On a lighter note, this is for those of you who wonder what interracial relationships are like.

Update on 26/6/2008: Also check out gal africana’s post on UK working-holiday visas for further guidance

Update on 6/7/2008: Something to think about: Why Do Our Accents Change When We Immigrate Abroad?

Update on 19/7/2008: Two Useful Resources for People Settling in Australia

Update on 31/8/2008: Something That Happens to A Lot of Newbie Immigrants That’s Almost Never Discussed

Update on 3/12/2008: Top 10 Things I Learned About Job Hunting in Melbourne, Australia

That’s Not All:Njeri’s Guest Post

What’s happening, I’m losing my mojo? Even I didn’t laugh at the few dry jokes I made in this introduction. This post comes from Njeri a.k.a. meek meek of intricately me. Oh well, enjoy. I’m Off to a camp to Chillax (more than relax) for the weekend. Make sure you also recharge your batteries this weekend: Mwangi

The grass is always greener on the other side…this is a statement that we often take for granted but how true it is. Everything abroad looks so inviting when your in Africa. It seems like they are eating better food, going to better schools…they even look like they have better friends. Its all perception really, its definitely not what it seems. Opportunity exists, it does, but only for the smart immigrant. Do not think you can just go to the embassy, get a visitors visa, get on a plane and figure it out when you get here. Thats what i did and it does not work trust me. If you actually really want to come and enjoy the bounty of endless opportunity, take some time to plan the whole thing. The worst thing you could do is rush into it and then realize that you didn’t plan well enough.

1. Get a work visa or a student visa depending on what exactly you want to do. If the company you work for has offices abroad, ask them to sponsor you… if not ask a company abroad to sponsor you. Please stress on the fact that your an immigrant and they will get all the necessary paperwork taken care of. Alot of companies actually want to send people abroad because they need to be ‘equal opportunity employers’ and that means that they look better if they have a few skilled immigrants in their task force. You need to be qualified though so line up those degrees, once you get to the states you can probably ask them to sponsor your school and you can go on to get your masters, if this works for you do not waste the opportunity. Its easy to get sidetracked but if you are a little patient, it all pays off in the end. If you want to get a student visa apply to a school and once you are accepted, if you can pay for your first few semesters or if you can get someone to sponsor you, schools are often happy to accommodate you [thats because your paying international fees which are much higher than regular fees] If and when you get a job, No matter how menial or degrading you may think it is, hold on to it for dear life because that is your meal ticket. Do everything to keep it and be patient eventually things always get better.

2. Make sure you have savings, and a good friend, and a fall back plan[preferably a good job] and youre family behind you because its always difficult in the beginning. You dont need one of the things i mentioned… you need all of them. I cant stress enough the importance of friends who have lived abroad for a while because not only will they help you go forward they will teach you how to navigate the system. The ’system’ is not something us Africans are actually used to and more often than not, we think that we dont need to be part of it. No you have to be part of it so you need some really intelligent people who are youre really good friends to help you. This help will prove to be more beneficial than money or anything else for that matter. Dont take that ‘intelligent’ thing for granted either because alot of people out here still havent learnt how to navigate that system, so you could get pulled in to the wrong crowd and it would take you years to figure out where you went wrong. You need to catch on quick, you need to soak everything up. Africans abroad are often heartless they will take advantage of you and tear you apart in an instant, when this happens, and i can almost bet it will, you need your family and the fallback plan.

3. Be curious….ask questions…. In school we used to say ‘kuuliza si ujinga’ (to ask is not stupidity) im not sure if this is actually slang or not but its true… be friendly and ask questions. Its a bit overwhelming in the beginning because you try talking to people and you think they think your accent is weird but you would be surprised how accustomed people are to it and anyway after a while they begin to understand you anyway so don’t be afraid to ask your question twice or thrice and don’t be scared to be laughed at. There is nothing wrong with asking a question that makes you look like your dumb, remember you are just different not stupid. The more questions you ask- the more you know- the sooner you know more- the better off you are. I have moved from state to state, different states have different ways of saying the same thing, people really dont mind it when you ask them about it. It gives them a chance to explain their loyalties. Its almost like asking a Kenyan to teach you a few words in Swahili, we are always more than eager to share. Remember this, tell people your foreign and ask questions, they will be more than willing to help.

I wrote this piece a while back and submitted it to one of the big blogs in the African blogosphere in the hopes of being published as a guest author. But alas, I felt the sting of rejection On the bright side, this piece gets published anyway ….and since there are a whole bunch of you new readers, I would like to welcome you with a tale of one of my experiences from my early days of Australian life. If you enjoy the peace, make sure you leave a comment with a little anecdote of your own.

Five weary travellers rested their behinds on the isn’t-this-a-four-star-restaurant-why-are-they-giving-us-two-star seats. It had been a tiring, but exciting day. The travellers hailed from the land known as Africa (Cradle of civilization since the dawn of time, thank you very much). They had thoroughly enjoyed their day spent walking around, gawking and poking at these weird human beings known as Australians.

Weird creatures they were. Instead of speaking with their mouth like normal people, their words seemed to come from the end of the throat. They claimed to speak the language made famous by the Queen, but for some weird reason everything that came out of their mouth sounded like

“Robo, Yobo, Yeeennooouuuu mate!”

“Mate!”

That was the only word they had heard all day and they liked it:

“Mate!”

So as their backsides rested upon the varnished wood seats and they stared in bewilderment at the excess of spoons on the table (aren’t soup and food are eaten with the same spoon?..you must transfer flavour man) a “mate” of theirs came.

“Hello mate!” They all crooned like an out of tune choir

“Hello!” chirped a bright eyed, black haired girl. She looked like an Amber, so let’s call her, “like so totally Amber, Oh my God!”

Hmmm, the Africans knew they needed time to balance out their need to eat with their need to save as much money as possible. So they decided in the interim that image really was nothing and thirst was everything.

The matriarch of the group, confident as an MP declaring on national television that he will beat up his colleague, stepped up to be the first to speak to future cheerleader, Amber.

“I would like some juice!”

Amber stopped stunned! I would say she looked like a deer in the headlights but in truth she looked like the deer after being hit by a car as it flew through the air wondering what just happened.

“What?”

“Oh sorry, I want some juice!”

Amber’s eyes rolled into the back of her head looking for some form of truth in the woman’s words but came up short. Amber decided it was time to try and speak to this weird African woman:

“Did you say you want grease?”

“Juice!”

“Feet?”

“Juice!”

“Jebeet!”

“Dear Lord!” Exclaimed the woman and in her native tongue tried to calm her family, “Don’t worry, this woman is a retard. We need to speak to her in sign language.”

And so in that moment, the family engaged in their first ever miming group performance: They lifted their hands to their mouths. End of act 1. They opened their mouths. End of Act 2 With the smoothness of an impotent Marlboro man, they concluded the act by motioning for drinks to enter their mouths.

“Juice! Juice! Juice! Ya kukunywa! Ya kunyua!Drinking! Sippy! Sippy!” They all said in an effort to get a message through to the mentally challenged girl.

Finally, success. Her eyes glowed with the magnificence of an ember of fire that was just about to die but had just sparked back to life in its final moments.

“OOOOOOOOhhhhh”

“Oooooohhhhh,” the family said, thinking it was a round song.

“You want Juuuuuusssss!”

Everyone in the family restrained their urge to speak. They saw just what the matriach was talking about: poor girl, I wonder how they allow her to work with such a debilitating condition. She couldn’t even pronounce basic words.

“Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!” They all nodded in Unison.

And five minutes later, the lady brought some Juuuuuusss.

And with that ended the drama that was their fast day in this fresh new land. That episode quickly and easily made way for the drama that was still to come. Good times!

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It’s really hard, and when it’s all said and done doesn’t appear to be for everyone. But most of us know it’s an incredibly noble, brave and courageous thing to do. So let’s break down four reasons to go back home and three reasons to stay put in the diaspora.

For

1) Money and Entrepreneurship

From a purely selfish standpoint, it’s much easier for a person to leave the West and make their fortunes in Africa than it would be had he not left in the first place. During his or her time away, they have had their creative faculties ignited by exisiting in a different land with different people, institutions and rules.

This may in turn spark ideas for businesses that have long since been taken for granted abroad but are yet to make a hit on the continent of Africa: examples may be outsourcing, an African Itunes or the mobile phone ring tone market outside of South Africa (perhaps?).

So people could easily go home to cut and paste businesses and make killings. I know that a lot of y’all probably have at some point thought about taking some business idea or invention to Africa and how it would make you the black Buffet. There’s one part of the equation.

The other part is the difference in currency. African currencies are much weaker than foreign ones. That means that if you are able to create cashflow sources abroad and/or sell a business(s) the value of your money is much greater as soon as you set foot on the Dark Continent.

For some of you the cashflow might even be operating on auto-pilot meaning that not only does your money’s value increase on the basis of the foreign exchange but also because you have free time with which to design your ideal lifestyle using this money. Trips throughout Africa, contribution to your community and a nice plot for you to grow old in. And all this in the country of your birth……Something to think about.

2) To Follow in Great Footsteps

Lord knows how accurate Wikipedia is but I read this article about how the US together with Britain planned out the decolonization of the world. They intended on educating the next crop of African leaders to take over in their own countries and then leave Westernized minds to proliferate Western ways of life.

That means that the story of a lot of Africa’s great leaders, Nkrumah and Nyerere, just to name a couple, is one of people who left the luxuries of the West to return to a life of servitude in Africa.

For the “more enlightened” Africans these are some absolutely phenomenal shoes to fill and walk in. In addition to that a life of service is “the right thing to do” because a lot of us know that:

People at home can be controlled easily because of poverty and ignorance

Most of us in the diaspora are well educated and have more than enough to survive

We can share this knowledge and resources and help people come out of poverty and suffering

That equation is far from a mystery and for a lot of us it is the driving force behind our being here.

3) To Be With People Like You

The person who created the expression, “There’s no place like home,” must have been an immigrant. You never forget or lose a special connection with the place that gave you your way of life, your language, your culture, your history and most of all, your initial sense of belonging.

A lot of immigrants don’t feel very welcome abroad or don’t feel welcome in the same way as we did in our native habitat. We want that feeling again and we want it every single day. It’s surprising how rarely this is discussed. This alone is responsible for huge numbers making the ocean migrations.

4) Retirement

Nursing homes suck! Retiring as an old person on a plot and being taken care of by your little nieces, nephews and grand children seems much better than your destiny being controlled by a cranky 22 year old African lady in a retirement village after a long life well lived.

We want to retire in style and in dignity and so we return to the place where we can: home.

Against

1) The People are Mean

I don’t think it’s any secret that Africans being on the bottom of the racial totem pole for many generations has left us with not-the-most-pleasant of personalities. We have inferiority complexes, insecurities and faults and very rarely work on them directly (when we do, the results are usually magnificent, just examine African music, philosophy and literature to get a glimpse of that)

Instead we decide to bring each other down to size and viciously attack anyone or anything that even begins to remind us of any feelings of inadequacy. This means that verbal diarrhoea, anger and negativity directed at each other is commonplace. And this isn’t even the main reason we can be so bad.

Lest we forget, most Africans are dirt poor. This is not a pleasant experience. People don’t have the time to be nice to you when they are robbing you to eat for that night (though surprisingly some thieves are very generous and courteous, go figure…..). Until Africa is an egalitarian society where we feel as though we are all whole human beings equal to people from all races and nationalities, we probably won’t stop being so mean.

2) It’s Hard

For those who do decide that they want to do something for the community, life is hard. Remember how most people are mean. Now mix that with a hatred and dislike for “people who have come from abroad to tell us what to do because they think they are so special now that they have spent a few years overseas” which a lot of immigrants get when they return.

Throw in a huge dash of sexism if she’s a woman and tribalism and xenophobia regardless of their ethnic background. Splash in a whole lot of ignorance and illeteracy. Mix that up with some really corrupt politicians who like things just as they are.

Put the Western government-industrial-corporate-military complex which also likes the status-quo on top of all that and you have the road that an African community organizer must take.

It’s considered noble, courageous and given great rewards for a reason, it’s bloody hard!

3) You Like Where You Are

Don’t let the hype fool you: money isn’t the root of all joy.

Don’t let the haters fool you either: the West isn’t all about money.

In this place, whatever your journey to your bliss, you can find it. If you wish to find people who have chosen the strictly spiritual path to self-actualization, you’ll find them here. If you’re after the Wall Street money-hungry folk who only see the cents in dollars, they’re all right here. Searching for people who put family and people above all else they are right here.

Whatever niche and experience and road to nirvana you have chosen, chances are you will find it in the West. To leave all of that and return to Africa which has a long way before it becomes the experience-buffet that the West isn’t a small ask.

So let me ask you, will you ever go home? Why? Why not? Leave a comment and let me know.

Be blessed and bless others,

Mwangi

PS: I just thought I would ask y’all whether or not I should continue with the series in which I explore different people’s viewpoints on living in Melbourne. I just wanted to check if people were finding some use in it now or I should postpone it till later when I’ve established the foundations of the blog a bit better.

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