Hello, hello. I thought I would take a break from the writing for a couple of days and recharge my batteries a little bit. It would be an outrage for me to leave y’all high and dry and so I thought I would enlist the help of someone I met via this blog, Coach Caroline. Definitely one of the most interesting and passionate people I have spoken to in quite a while. Below she outlines some of the things that stand in the way of immigrants living the best lives possible. I hope it is of service to you. Leave comments below and I will get back to you as soon as I get back. Be blessed and bless others, Mwangi!
1. Negative people or dream killers.
A negative person is anyone who creates doubt and fear in you and pours cold water on your dreams with the intention of bringing your plans to a grinding halt. They are people who have resigned themselves to living unfulfilled lives and whose negative comments, toxic attitudes or actions are designed to cause loss of confidence either in yourself or in your abilities—if you allow it!
Sharing your dreams with the wrong person can be suicidal for your dream. Say goodbye to, naysayers, detractors, critics, enemies, hecklers or unbelievers and say hello to people who inspire, support, nurture and bring out the best in you.
2. Denial—being stuck in the past.
Regardless of who you were before you migrated to a new place, don’t live in denial any longer than you must. Your past successful life will always be a valuable part of who you are…no one can take that away from you. However, the new reality may mean that you can no longer be the successful, lawyer, doctor, accountant, CEO or professional you once were. Accept change and be ready to change and adapt! Spending your days talking about who you used to be or dwelling in the glory of your past successes will prevent you from applying yourself fully and creating a successful meaningful life.
3. Not knowing who you are and what you want to do.
At some point in your life you must answer the questions, “Who am I?” “What do I really want to do with my life?” “What fulfills me?” “What is my role and purpose on earth?” These questions are probably the most important questions that you will ever answer because they lay the foundation for your destiny and determine the course of your future. They help you get focused on what matters most and gain clarity about the next step to take. Based on them, you can avoid irrelevant, side tracking, time wasting, and emotionally draining activities On the other hand, when you don’t know who you are and what you want…you settle for anything!.
4. Low self-esteem and a victim mentality.
You feel bad about yourself, criticize yourself, look down upon yourself, judge yourself harshly and are not proud of who you are. These negative feelings lead to a sense of insignificance, apathy and hopelessness. Further, when you allow obstacles, your insecurities or a “woe is me” mentality to rob you of the pleasure of achieving your goals—you choose to fail. The fact that you are an immigrant doesn’t make you a nobody. You are somebody! You matter and you have an important contribution to make to the world. There are countless inspiring stories of people who have overcome all odds and achieved their dreams. If you take responsibility for your life and destiny…you too can become that story. Value yourself because no matter where you are from or how you look or sound like—you can still be different and unstoppable!
5. Succumbing to the voice of your inner critic.
Usually, there are two dialogues going on in your mind. One is the voice of empowerment that encourages you, “c’mon, you can do it, you are trained and qualified to do this, you are naturally gifted to do this or this is what you have always wanted to do,” and the other is the inner critic’s voice that taunts and instills fear in you. It whispers, “you can’t do it, you will fail, you won’t be accepted, you are different or you are not good enough” and so forth. These conflicting voices go on and on and pull you in different directions. It’s almost like a battle between good and evil. Which voice are you listening to? Which voice is winning? To succeed, you must conquer your inner critic and win.
6. Talking big and not walking the talk.
If all you are doing is talking about your ideas, gathering information, reading, researching, attending seminars, and listening to what everyone else is saying and not applying all that learning and knowledge to make your life happen…you are preparing to fail. If you have worthwhile goals and you have not implemented them in a real and tangible way, you need to pause for a moment and ask yourself, “What is going on with me?” “What’s holding me back?” “What am I afraid of?” If all your friends know about your big plans but have never seen any supporting evidence; it’s probably time to start walking the talk!
7. Not asking for help!
When you want to get things done and are stuck because you don’t know what to do next…ask for help. Invest in yourself. Get support from a trained coach, expert, mentor or a friend who knows what they are doing and can help you come up with a plan to achieve success. Seek help from people who are already succeeding and making something out of their lives or who can hold you accountable for getting back on track and staying there!
Remember that by your action or lack of action…you are making plans for something!
Overcome your barriers and let the evidence of what you want, speak for itself!
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Caroline Jalango is a life strategist and motivational coach for women who want to do better for themselves. She is the author of: “Settle for Less No More”- What every woman needs to know about doing better for herself and “You Deserve to Feel Good”- How to ensure that you do! To order your copy, visit http:// www.motivationzone.com
Tags: African, African immigrant, African psychology, Success psychology
I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you.
Allen Taylor
Spot on again mister! Spoken like a seasoned veteran and you sure laid it out bare & clear. It takes going through life altering situations and challenges to make one a determined & succesful immigrant in any nation.
My personal experience has been: the greater the odds against you, the harder you work to make it through & the sweeter the success(s).
I’d only add one point to what you’ve so eloquently pointed out…
“Dream, keep dreaming & dream big. If you can drive it, then you can live it.”
meant…”If you can dream it, then you can live it”
My fingers ought to be tired after a bsy evening on the keyboard, hehe!
Hey akiey,
Thanks for the contribution. If anyone can empathize with you over finger fatigue it’s me so we’re together on that one.
Thanks for adding that point. I think I will complement that by adding the often used quote by Marriane Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
hey Mwangi, just wanna say that this blog is so needed in my life right now. It really makes things clear about this new life and it hits the nail on the head. I haven’t gotten through all the articles but whenever i read one article i just wanna read more and more. And thanks for stressing to us that we should focus on the action rather than the reading, research, e.t.c. Someone should have said this a long time ago!!!! Thank God for this and it’s one day at a time for me here in the U.S. as i get more accustomed to the culture.
@consecrated: Glad to be of service. Any questions you may have, the inbox is open. Other than that, make sure you sign up for the newsletter and I have a show on SARFM radio once every month and you can find out more right here: http://www.thedisplacedafrican.com/1316/listen-as-mwangi-becomes-a-radio-star/ and the only word of advice I would have for you is never lose sight of what brought you to the States, take action on it daily and be very careful who your friends are and what you allow into the floodgates of your mind.
Ubarikiwe
no idea how i stumbled across your blog/site i should be finishing my assessment but i wanted to say i really liked what you wrote here on this page. especially point number 1.
@guest101: Thank you very much……….