The Great Polygamy Debate
A couple of you wanted me to get a discussion started on this and I wanted to discuss this and so here we are. I want to get some great back and forth and so I will take the unpopular position and try to make the case for polygamy. I know there are many of you who read this site and have never left a comment. Make this the post where you leave your first comment and let me know your thoughts on the polygamy debate.
(NB: Keep the debate, positive and constructive. Remember it’s better to say nothing than say something that tears other folks down
ii) In case I can’t create an excuse to do so, make sure you read Kelly’s post on African marriages. It’s so true, so sad and sets the context for this post a little bit.)
Point Number One: A Rebuttal
I know one of the main arguments that will be brought up against polygamy is:
It’s a selfish, barbaric practice that only exists to satisfy the man. Whereas women who exist under polygamy have to endure jealousy and constantly fighting for the man’s attention and resources, the man can happily live with the daily ego boost of going in and out of his wives’ homes as he pleases. Under monogamy, the woman doesn’t have to fight for attention and has the full attention of the man in a mutually loving and nurturing relationship.
Let’s Separate the Ideal from the Reality
Ideally, under monogamy, we have a mutually loving relationship, based on friendship and trust that is mutually nurturing and satisfying to both parties. The reality on the ground is much different.
The Male Seed Wholesaler
First of all, from a very young age, there will be a 20% of men who sleep with 80% of the women. This is not an exact science but I think once I made this point, a lot of you can see that it’s true. Whether it’s the local or international celebrity or the most charming and eligible bachelors in the city, or the rich businessman, there will be that collection of men who will bed more women over the course of their life, than the other 80% combined.
These men tend to have the wonderful gift of being able to take women to emotional and orgasmic highs that the other men can’t seem to do. As a result, women are willing to jeopardize a lot in pursuit of this ultimately unattainable man.
This monogamy arrangement actually works out very favorably for these men because they can bed single women, engaged women and married women (don’t even act like this doesn’t happen very often) all over the place and thanks to contraception NEVER HAVE TO SHOULDER THE RESPONSIBILITY because the society is arranged in such a way that every adult male and female are responsible for their actions with no safety nets to protect the women.
What Polygamy Offers
What polygamy basically offers these women is accountability and security. More often than not, the “20% men” tend to be the most economically successful and most able to shoulder the responsibility of taking care of large numbers of people. The man can’t just hop from wife to wife to wife without ever having to shoulder the responsibilities for her upkeep. I am not just talking about a few thousand dollars in child support in case the man slips up one night. The man, with the support of the rest of his family can go out there, find a woman,bring her into his fold and take care of her and her children for the rest of their lives.
This will bring down the currently skyrocketing single parent household rate.
Point Number 2: The Male Nature
Finally, as I have said previously, polygamy appears to be the best way for a man to somewhat stay true to his nature in a manner that upholds his dignity, the dignity of the community and the dignity of his wife (ves) and children. Men, have been accused left, right and center of constantly being aroused by the latest, cute thing in a skirt even when they have a perfectly loving and nurturing relationship.
As one looks around the world, one can’t help but think that perhaps the man’s proclivity to always pursue the next beautiful woman isn’t just an anomaly but rather the way that he is naturally designed. So, why not stay true to this nature in a manner that is sanctioned by all the major religions of the world?
The Discussion is Way More Important than the Article in this Case
I think I will stop it there and see what discussion develops. The discussion is polygamy: give your two cents about it. Remember, keep it positive! We want some useful information to come out of this debate. Make sure you click in the small white box at the bottom of the comment box when you leave a comment so you can receive emails whenever new comments are left and stay a part of this debate.
Be blesd and bles othaz,
Mwangi
Tags: African marriage, African polygamy, Monogamy, Polygamy
A.T. , Your points are valid ones. However Mwangi has a point as well. Take my parents for example, my father had 8 wives total at one time, he had sex with all of them and none of them had or have AIDS. Aids does not come from magic, you do not magically get infected, instead you get it from someone who carries it.
So if none of your wives have it and you do not, then none of you will get it. Jealousy is a problem with Polygamy and it can and will destroy a family if left to grow. It takes a lot of trust, understanding and desire to be in such sintuations for them to work especially well.
The first thing that has to work is communication between everyone, and a willingness to do so. Each wife must be able to share her feelings freely and not feel like she is of lesser value than anyone else. Further no wife should be of lesser value in anyones mind, the same goes for the husband, each wife needs to love him as much. Now granted that is Ideal, which is not going to happen often. Just like any family issues and problems arrise.
IF each woman KNOWS she is really loved by the man she loves and she cares for her sister wife, then things DO work well. I know, because my mothers get along very well, even after my dad’s death, so it was not like they pretended to be friends or something to get along.
Well, hell’s bells! In today’s society, women have exploded themselves so much that women like myself are left to try and stand tall with morals and not be considered one of the groupies. Multiple wives, well lets just break that down to “multiple holes” to stick your dick in. Men like variety right? And, they like to procreate…makes them feel superior. Unfortunately, not all men like the responsibilities.
So, lets turn this around. Why is it that men can have multiple wives? How about women having multiple husbands that take care of her? Actually, I would perfer multiple men and not husbands. One man can be the lovemaker -whoever is the largest and most robust. The other man can be the nuturer towards me, etc.
All joking aside, I do not believe in multiple marriages. This is called imbalance and we have enough of that in today’s society. God said the man will leave his family and become one with his wife – not wives!
@Ginger: Welcome to tDA Ginger.
Why is it that people keep rebutting by quoting the Bible. If you read the Bible just a few chapters out from the verse that you have just quoted and many books after that, Jehovah was 100% behind polygamy and I defy you to name me 3 great figures of the Old Testament Bible who weren’t polygamist – I know there were a couple though the only biblical figure I can think of is Joseph father of Christ from the NT. So I think quoting the Bible as defense for monogamy is rather odd.
I don’t think men and women should be judged by the same standards, their needs and wants are so different and the way we go about achieving them is so different. Women don’t have the same sex drives men do. Men don’t have the same maternal, nurturing instincts that women do. Women are drawn to men of value and substance at the core. Men are drawn to looks, sensuality and femininity at the core. That having been said, men and women both do get jealous so you do bring up a point where there is potential for huge problems, as has been shown by the other preceding comments.
But the society we live in does have the problems described above, problems that aren’t as prevalent in a system that has existed longer and in more places than monogamy, short of a ginormous mind shift can you think of any other solution
Ok…then understand in the old testament the ways of the world were completely different before the coming of Christ. Populating the world was a main focus and doing so meant long lives and different goals. Who knows…maybe there was a shortage of men vs. women and polygomy solved the problem. We don’t know all the truths, because we weren’t there. One thing that cannot be questioned ever is what the Lord said as I quoted before. He purposely said a man leaves his family to be one with his wife – not wives. That was the ultimate goal whether played out that way or not – just as Adam and Eve there is to be one man and one woman in the union of marriage. Remember – free will is ours and this does not mean we follow the ways of the Lord always. Most humans base their behaviors by their interpretations – and that means what feels most comfortable to them.
Sex drives have nothing to do with this issue, but because men focus on sex often, this type of lifestyle works wonders for them. Who wouldn’t like variety? Even women get tired of the same old thing more than you know.
Regardless of a person’s beliefs, whatever way you choose to live your life is up to you. It is not me that you have to face one day, but the Lord. I am not here to judge, I only go by what my heart tells me and that is where the spirit of the Lord resides.
@Ginger: On the Biblical thing, there is no way you can convince me God was against it. The man who was “the father of his nation”, Abraham had many wives. The man who was the wisest man who ever lived, many wives. The man who was the ancestor of his only begotten son, David, many wives.
And God always made it pretty clear when he didn’t like a practice, its not part of the 10 commandments, Jesus Christ didn’t rewrite this rule and since before then and after then polygamist cultures have always outnumbered monogamous cultures.
I think for women to get into criticism of men for their sexuality is like a man insulting a woman for the burden of bearing children, a cheap shot simply because we can, so I think I’ll avoid that area.
On this one, we will simply have to agree to disagree until someone brings me the verse where God said having one wife is the ideal and having many is evil.
Mwangi and Ginger. Seems both of you are prety accurate in your perseptions of each other. Mwangi you feel that polygamy is about having sex with more women and Ginger thinks that is what it means to you. Sure it means sex, and if that is all it means to you then I am saddened by it. God himself has condoned and condemned the practice of polygamy at different points in history.
Lets take a look at the best example of both shall we? DAVID , king of Israel and polygamist from long before he became king. God had him crowned as king and at the time he had atleast 3 wives. Nothing was said ill of his wives at that time. However, later on he began to lust after women, his own wives were not enough for him, he wanted the wife of his neighbor , and who was she? Bathsheba.
What was the lords reply to him? He rebuked him for being so selfish, pointed out to him what had been given and that he would be so greedy as to rob his neigbor of his one jewel. Not only that, he had that neighbor murdered to cover it up.
So, , Two things to learn from this fellow. One, God does approve of polygamist marriages that are loving, and not for selfishness, such as more sex, ownership, or any such basal desires.
second, , He does NOT condone it for said selfish reasons, nor does he condone entering into it by wickedness.
As to talking about Christs time, polygamy was a part of the jewish culture then. Roman culture was strictly monogamous, writings indicate that the jews wanted to lessen the hatred of their roman masters and began trying to emulate them. This of course being some not all.
The apostles address the subject when talking about bishops, due to the burden of being a bishop, they advised he should have but one wife. If there were not members of the church with more than one wife, why would they even address the subject?
Now this all being said, Marriage is something most sacred, solemn and wonderful. Something to be entered into with all the atributes of affection for one another that God would have us feel within us. Why would he want such things? Simple, were not here just for now, were eternal beings, were going to see God after this life and be with him there as well.
I find it amusing that people think marriages are for this life only, , when you consider the words of Ginger, what was Gods very first commandment to man? Why to be with his wife of course. God commands us for more reasons than one, children of course are a part of this life, and I believe they will be of the next as well.
Having children in a family that is full of love, one to another, true love, not fake selfish crap, and certainly not just to apease ones lebido is what makes a family whole.
@Eric: To summarize my response to your comment, I shall just say, “Word!”…I agree 🙂
I need to make a correction, David was CROWNED king as a boy, and took the THRONE many years later when Saul was slain in battle by an oposing force.
David married several women after becoming an adult and the lord blessed and strengthened him before and after becoming king including directing him by the input of the prophet at the time. And again he was not condemned in his behavior until he took another mans wife and murdered him to cover it up.
I am fine with polygamy, but I’m not 100% for it. Although I would never partake in it myself, if others were to be fine with it that’s up to them and is honestly in no way hurting anyone so it’s fine.
The article brings up a lot of good points but from what I understand, the title should be changed from “Why EVERYONE Should be a Polygamist” to “Why Every MAN Should be a Polygamist.” Remember that in a typical polygamist marriage (one man many wives) the WIVES are actually monogamous–each only has one husband. The HUSBAND is the polygamous one, with many wives. People tend to forget that this is the case and it disappoints me because women still have the same “needs” as men and a “polygamous” relationship will not always “satisfy” this.