Comments on: Till Death Do Us Part? BullS……….

By: Mwangi

Mwangi — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 15:16:05 +0000

@Sariat: That idea terrifies me so much. That you can think you have a partner for life. Then when you are comfortable and feeling secure many years later, for one arbitrary reason or the other, they can just up and bounce from your life for good………

By: Sariat

Sariat — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 03:59:51 +0000

my view on this has changed as I have gotten older. In my teenage days I would say if he did this or that kind of thing, but as I have gotten older I agree completely with mwangi. If and when I marry its till death. I think this also has to do a lot with the understanding of marriage through an understanding of god and god’s kind of love.

One of my friends parents who have been married for twenty years, just decide to get a divorced. This really made me think, I couldn’t understand what could make a person give up, let alone after twenty years of marriage. I think one of the reasons I have changed my views is because I would want the person going into marriage with me to do the same for me, unconditionally.
Oh and the polygamy thing, I always thought it seemed pretty hard to get a marriage between two people to work, why add more people to the mix, but that’s not to say it couldn’t work.

By: Pink M

Pink M — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 10:12:46 +0000

I’m using the office comp, so when I had to log in, I forgot my regular name.
Thats what people call soul mates? Ok. Let me wait for that soul mate. Although in my mind it’s someone who we match body, spirit and mind, and who after dating for 3 years, I won’t feel like running away from…lol
Yeah, to me marriage is traditional. I don’t like joking about it, or around it. Serious business that one.

I’d rather have a boyfriend for 10 years, than get married as a trial.

By: Mwangi

Mwangi — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 05:57:40 +0000

@Pink M: Iz how, you have changed your name up? Soul mates, huh? Hmm, I wonder how many people believe in soul mates and seeing love and eternity in someone’s eyes, when one compares men vs women. The whole deal breaker thing definitely makes more sense to me than “let’s wait and see” or “quickie marriages where you don’t get to know the other party” and all these weird modern variations and takes we have on the marriage institution.

By: Pink M

Pink M — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 05:30:42 +0000

@Mwangi, may be we’ll sit and decide on the deal breakers. I always think of the not getting married thing, but always wonder, what if there is a chance that I can have a great marriage, and I miss out on it?
I guess these are the things you never know until you’re there. People who are married always tell me ‘one day you will meet that one person you will just want to spend the rest of your life with….you will know when you do’.
They could be right or not, but I’m waiting for the day I meet that person, if I have doubts (like I’ve had before), then no marriage for me.

By: Mwangi

Mwangi — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 20:41:50 +0000

@salie: Welcome to tDA, I hope you enjoy your stay in the comments thread. Lol, I was actually talking to my cousin today about polygamy and he talked about how he would never consider it because there would be way too much headache from so much female energy coming his way.

By: Mwangi

Mwangi — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 20:40:02 +0000

@Pink M: You know, though we may disagree on the end, what I admire about your approach is the honesty and lack of self-delusion and “we’ll wait and see” that you bring to this important union.
Perhaps you and hubby can actually sit down before the marriage and decide on the deal breakers for each of you-will help both of you avoid them and compromise on them before hand.
Or perhaps do what you always say and not get married.
Hmmm

By: Mwangi

Mwangi — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 20:36:19 +0000

@Carol: That’s the thing, when “things become way too bad,” I will still stay in the game and work on it and in fact will even refuse to consider “the D word” as a solution ever. I think I’ll actually put it in my marriage contract that divorce is impossible under any circumstances.

@Evan: Hopefully being this militant and stringent about it will eliminate all the posers who want to come out and reveal “their true selves” later in the relationship.

By: Mwangi

Mwangi — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 20:33:51 +0000

@Evan: That is one case where perhaps a shade of gray may be introduced to the way I look at things: if the person you are committing to is really another person.

However, as I said to Mo, I think “other factors coming into play” isn’t the truth as much as, long ago deciding upon your deal breakers and then acting on them when the time comes.

You know, I think we definitely need to put more emphasis on teaching our children and each other just what this pot of gold is at the end of the road when one knuckles down and does the hard work in relationships

By: Mwangi

Mwangi — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 20:30:52 +0000

@Mo: I must respectfully disagree. Most folks when they go in, already have decided on the caveats/deal breakers i.e. things that they just won’t put up with in a relationship and quickly leave over. As a simple example, how many times are you sitting with your pals and you start talking about how if your woman left you, got fat, got annoying, got clingy, got needy etc etc you would get up and bounce.
I think people decide on the reasons they will divorce long before they even meet their future husband.