Guest Post: An Open Letter to Men on How to Treat Women


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1) An Open Letter to Women on How to Treat Men

2) Sunny’s article on the Walk for Breast Cancer

African couple

Letter To Men

I am writing to let you know that there are some general things that you should know concerning women, especially women that you want to date. NB:I speak for myself and we( refers generally to things about women that I think are true) and any reference to any person living or deceased is purely coincidental)

Be Yourself

The funniest and wittiest are known by their consistency.You may be trying too hard, or too little. Either way,I, and many others would rather have you. Include some cute quirks. Some women are fascinated by multilingual people, that includes those who can speak Sheng slang and English, multiple vernaculars, Jamaican creole etc Others like dull as nails academic types, you may fit in that category. Others appreciate handy DIY people who can fix things and teach me how to change a tire. You have a unique personality, I do not want a created character.

On that note, here is something for the nice guys.

Scathing satirical take on a gold digger.....OUCH!

Nice Guys

We know who you are. We see some women in your life treating you like a doormat/ATM Machine/gold mine. I have the female sight, and when I met her I knew exactly why she wanted to be with you, especially if she thinks you are $$$ and wants a chunk of you. My friend,head for the hills, I do not care what her best quality is.That is one reason why ‘nice guys finish last’, and you can see how years of such treatment would jade and destroy even the most indomitable nice guy. How do you know whether your lady would do that to you?. Sorry, I can only ask you whether you are happy with your girl, be wary if you hear that too often from your female pals, your sis, your mom!

Flowers and Chocolate

I may love them so please, do be creative, BUT I may be allergic, I may associate them with sad times. I may think that is cheesy beyond! Tip: The more public the flower display the better. Chocolate – Makes me happy, makes me happy about you, if well timed.

My Gal Pals

If you are intimidated by my gal pals, I cannot change that. They get me through the times when the stuff hits the fan. What I can say is that they are part of my life. Do not try and adjudicate who stays and who goes, I knew them before you came along. Plus, if you can calm down about them, I may be more open to you and the boys hanging out, without me.

A knight....chivalry...get it?


It so happens that we like to have doors opened for us when out with you. We know its soo last century but we like it, so if you could avoid entering everywhere chest first, that would be much appreciated.Since we are in the 21st century, dont hesitate to ask whether I mind having the door opened, as I will let you know exactly how I feel about the whole practice. Be sure that its the small things that

Paying For the Date

I really do not care for where the date will be, but can we decide early whether we are going dutch(split) or if you are paying, and where we are going, in case you take me somewhere in the $$$$ price range of Chez L’Ami and I can only afford a hotdog, and chips for five shillings(taken from Ndarlin P) – Do not embarrass me by pulling stunts when the check arrives, because that is tacky.


Lady Karma follows you. I am one of those pedestrians who will always try and cross the road, regardless of how many drivers (as we often do in Nairobi) because I have a feeling nobody would want to risk bad luck in love for life by hitting a pretty lady. Also and more seriously, do not even think that because you screwed me over and walked away, that someone will not do the same to your best friend, sister, beloved female role model or that the same fortune will not follow you.

A dog biting a dog in the ass. Just like Karma which eventually.....if you don't get it, ask somebody

Talking About You

When you meet me, and start telling me about how your high school rugby team won some tournament (think Prescott, schools etc) or that you invented the national recipe for your regional beer, look! look! notice how my eyes are glazing over. You are boring me. I do not want to hear a play by play account of your illustrious career as an actor, or why you think your take on politics/sports/cooking/travel is so fascinating. I want to have a dialogue (read two people exchanging ideas) therefore…a quick mention will be enough. If you are truly interested, shut up, really listen, then you will not ask me later questions like…

What Kind of Man Do I Like

Do not ask me what kind of man I like. Did someone give people this line along with the ‘You have been running through my mind all night,” variety. Seriously. If you put me on the spot, I may, or may not tell you what you want to hear. Use your common sense which I think is pretty common…

Common Sense

This common sense dictates that when you approach me, you know what you are doing, so do not play a fool. Do not act like I was seeing my own things, or hearing my own tired lines from you. Especially,do not quote movie lines, ‘ Its not me its you” “I need time to find myself” “Things have not been the same between us” because they are so cliche, and we know what movie that is, cause we watched it with you.Come on, really?

You think you are the greatest thing this side of Venus


If you need to brag about it, it is probably not true. Enough said. The world is filled with enough fiction, and there is no need to add your own.

Just Not That Into You

I have not called back, she does not want to text. She probably lost interest. Or, your incessant calling put her off, or the fact that you are stalking her by either following her home physically (by public transportation in the same vehicle) or online (MySpace, Facebook, etc). Either way step back. Like many women, I am also not into married, attached or otherwise engaged men, and if you fit into those categories and I have told you to back off, I really do mean it. I am not into another person’s meat, its poison!

There is a lot of conditional points in these lines. Women are wonderful, whole complete beings. Each one is delicate( to be handled with care, not ‘easily broken‘) and valuable ( has supporters who would willingly bash your face in if you tried a dumb stunt).

Over to you Mwangi.

By Sunny,

From Project Sunshine

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No Comments

  • By Sunny, May 4, 2008 @ 6:08 am

    LOL on the accompanying pics. Sunny

  • By Mwangi, May 4, 2008 @ 11:47 am

    @Sunny: I am glad you are enjoying them….Picasso would be proud me thinks (or perhaps he would lynch me, who knows….)

  • By Gal africana, May 5, 2008 @ 2:37 am

    haha the pics are priceless lol nice post as well!

  • By Mwangi, May 5, 2008 @ 2:41 am

    @gal: In that case, I think I can proudly declare that Picasso would be proud ;)

  • By seinlife, May 5, 2008 @ 3:05 am

    i must jump in here too and say how lovely that last picture is…
    i really think if women and men dialogued more we would have less amiss….
    fun post sunny!

  • By Mwangi, May 5, 2008 @ 3:11 am

    @seinlife: No doubt about that, especially if we are willing to be honest and vulnerable and understanding instead of playing immature, irrational, selfish mind games

  • By Kelly, May 5, 2008 @ 8:53 pm

    Nice post! I feel the need to add another point:

    About my male friends, please don’t ask me whether I have slept with them and then wonder why, when I tell you I haven’t. Some girls just cope better with men, and the fact that we have more men friends than girlfriends doesn’t make us sluts. Sorry, I was venting a little bit. I find it very annoying when a guy does that.

  • By Mwangi, May 5, 2008 @ 9:01 pm

    @Kelly: I must admit that is the first time I have ever heard that one. Now that I have, I must play devil’s advocate and say I actually see why someone would feel the need to ask that question.
    Men are sexually hungry creatures and a lot of us are constantly on the prowl whenever and wherever. Having so many creatures of that nature around you all the time and the chances of slipping, especially if one of them is a very smooth talker, increase exponentially.
    That, and I am sure you also know countless stories of women and men who started out as friends but ended up sleeping together or in a relationship further down the road.
    It probably means the fella likes you and is jealous, me thinks.

  • By Sunny, May 5, 2008 @ 9:47 pm

    @gal and @seinlife
    Thanks for the appreciation.

    I do not know how I forgot that one. I think if you have male friends, you are likely to insert into conversation, “Went to dinner with X” and likely get a response from not only guys but a surprising number of girls, “Are you two….” So annoying.

  • By Mwangi, May 5, 2008 @ 9:58 pm

    @ Kelly and @ Sunny: Why is it annoying? If the person is good enough to be your friend then why would it be annoying that you would have to correct that mistake?
    This one appears to be a Mars/Venus situation…….

  • By Sunny, May 5, 2008 @ 10:15 pm

    People already assume what they know is true, yes? and so in spite of being happy to be friends with X, you are damned to whatever conclusion the person arrives at. Its annoying because you know the more you explain being friends, the more people think you are up to something, and vice versa. It is indeed a M/V situation.

  • By Mwangi, May 5, 2008 @ 10:17 pm

    @Sunnt Indeed it is Mars vs Venus…I would have no problem whatsoever with the above situation. Me and her know the truth in spite of what others say anyway.

  • By wisewan, May 6, 2008 @ 4:11 am

    Here is a view that talks of the same issue, from a totally wacked and different angle:

  • By Mwangi, May 6, 2008 @ 4:17 am

    @wisewan: I’ll have a look at it and let you know what I think.

  • By Mo Ma, May 8, 2008 @ 2:00 am

    Is there ANY girl that likes nice guys?

    Is everyone only into the jerks/bad boys?

  • By Mwangi, May 8, 2008 @ 2:25 am

    @Mo Ma: My two cents on it is every woman who is feminine at the core responds to confidence and masculine strength whereas women who are masculine at the core, or in character, love timid, nice men they can control. Don’t quote me though, no stats, just intuition!

  • By kelly, May 8, 2008 @ 6:56 pm

    @ Mwangi, sorry to take you back, but the reason it’s annoying if a guy asks whether I have slept with my guy buddies ( I have over 10 at any one point) is that it makes me come off as a loose woman. I know men are ‘hungry’ creatures as you said, but shouldn’t the guy just trust me?

    On the bad guy thing, I kinda agree with you, but even the ‘masculine’ women often get attracted to the dominant confident man in realationships but on a long term basis, most women want to marry a nice guy. Kinda selfish!

  • By Mwangi, May 8, 2008 @ 8:29 pm

    @kelly: I don’t think it’s you he doesn’t trust, I think he is a man and he doesn’t trust other men because he knows what we are capable of.
    You know, it wasn’t until just a few months back when I realized just how much self-interest there is even when women go for allegedly “bad boys”. She goes for bad boys so SHE CAN FEEL EXCITED by what he brings into her life. When she goes for the nice man she goes for him so SHE CAN FEEL SAFE. Enyewe TV would have you believe that women act from this place of a higher good but lo and behold, women are pretty selfish too……….

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