How to Set Realistic Expectations

Heaven sign

I once heard a very simple definition of unhappiness, and I paraphrase: Unhappiness is when your life conditions do not match your expectations. In other words, unhappiness occurs when you have certain expectations of the circumstances that will create happiness and the world around you does not reflect that.

Today let’s talk about just one element of that: Today let’s talk about expectations.


According to, expectation is The act of looking forward to something.


When you look at your life, your future, what do you expect to happen. Sure, the future is never guaranteed but I am willing to bet that in spite of that you still have certain things that you expect to happen in future. You expect the sun to rise and fall. You expect that the world air supply won’t run out and you expect that after what will hopefully be a long and fruitful life, you will die.

Now, if these expectations affect our level of happiness and satisfaction and there are few areas in life that are truly important and will truly affect the quality of life, then I think it would be fair for us to examine our expectations in a few of these areas.


Your Health

Childhood obesity

Now I know a lot of y’all have pretty substandard diets and there are many of you to whom exercise is a fairy tale told to children so they won’t disturb you. My question is, what do you expect will happen if you keep living this way? Time only moves forward and you are only getting older and older.

So what do you expect to happen if you keep putting junk into your body and not sweating it out? Look, if you want to eat that way, I can yap on for hours about how we need to eat healthy and all of that and thank God you can ignore me and call me full of it. You can put whatever you want into your body. All I am asking is, what do you expect to happen?



A lot of us have fantasies about what our ideal partner looks like, sounds like, smells like (or doesn’t smell like) amongst other things. The question I have for you is, if you stay the type of person you are, what type of people should you expect to continue attracting into your life?

Low Self Esteem and Drama Queen Puller

I have a very good friend who basically keeps attracting the same type of woman into his life: women with very low self esteem.

The first woman I saw him with, had such a low opinion of herself that he could regularly call her the foulest of names and without any apology on his part still take her home for a romp in the sack.

The second woman was one who had tried suicide on numerous occasions and could turn just a lazy Sunday afternoon into a drama filled day full of LOUD shouting, crying, MASC posturing and believe it or not a make up romp in the sack.

The third woman became clingy after only knowing him for a couple of weeks. She hated everyone who came near him and took his attention and in addition to that had such high grade anxiety that it lead to all sorts of diseases and disorders and ailments.

Whenever anyone asks me about him, they ask, “Is he still playing around with crazy women?”

Make no mistake about it, a lot of the time, we are replaying the same script over and over again, especially in this area of relationships. We tend to get drawn to people who have the same characteristics and people with particular characteristics tend to be drawn to us.

So let me ask you again, being the type of person that you are, what type of person, would you expect to draw into your life? If you don’t like the type of people you draw in, perhaps change who you are and you can expect something a little different.

Your Identity


Where do you see yourself in this world and in this fabric of reality. Are you a blessed son of an Almighty God? Are you a victim who is always being brought down by the world around them? (btw please click here for a great article on victimhood) Are you a conqueror who will create a beautiful, magnificent empire while here on Earth? Are you a hustler who is struggling to get by? Are you simply a parent and a good citizen?

With this view of your place on this Earth, what type of life should you expect. Do you want a different type of life? Maybe change the way you define yourself and your expectations will change to.

Your Life Abroad


Let me just dispel one very big myth right now. This place, WILL NOT mean an end to your problems in life. Once you come abroad you will just have a different quality of problems. Instead of dealing with insecurity and bad roads you will be dealing with trying to find work and pay your bills. Instead of worrying about your neighbors meddling in your business you may have to deal with the loneliness of your neighbors not giving a damn about who you are.

If I am to give you one great expectation to live by while you live abroad, especially here in Australia: life here will be what you make it and nothing will happen until you make it happen.

I know people who have been here for eons and still work the minimum wage factory jobs that most Africans get when they first show up here.

On the flip side, I also know someone who completely, and I do mean completely, embraced the African American lifestyle from the way he walks, talks, thinks, acts and who he hangs around and upon first glance you would never guess that he isn’t from D.C. This guy though had to work at it, he had to watch the tapes, find people to hang out with etc etc etc

So, don’t come here expecting the red carpet to success, unless you are going to sew it and lay it out yourself…..unless of course you come from a wealthy family, in which case, you can live it up as much as you want. But please, do it within the rules and the law and try not to get deported. And remember: nothing feels quite as good as the sweet fruit of your labor.

Be blessed and bless others,


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