Jungle Fever: The Relationship Between African Men and White Women

Part seven of the 10 things I wish I knew before leaving Africa

From Wikipedia encyclopedia: Jungle fever- a slang term for interracial relations

It was my last week in Kenya and I was just about to be shipped off to Australia. There I was, casually sauntering through Carnivore trying to convince older women that I still wasn’t being breast fed. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a friend of mine, drunker than a depressed brewery worker, come staggering down. He staggered directly to me, plopped his hand on my shoulder and delivered a monologue that I will probably never forger until the day I die. I paraphrase:


“You guy as you ship over, remember something….(dramatic pause) Those Western women love black d***. These chicks wait at the airport with signs just chilling for the next black dude to step off the plane..(At this point, I drifted off into fantasy land imagining the possibilities of what he had just told me)”

You can’t even imagine what that did to me. As I stepped on that Kenya Airways plane, I had a pep in my step and I wasn’t looking back. And then I arrived!!!

So What Do I Know Five Years Later?

I am glad you asked. I have been in boarding school in the country, Christian schools, public schools, different cities, different states and different Universities. I have hung out with Kenyans, Zims, Tswanas, Ugandans, Asians, Indians, Caucasians the whole shebang (btw what type of word is shebang? who came up with a word like shebang?). My observation is pretty simple. African men being mighty conquerors who head on over to Western countries and can seduce any Western woman they want because they all swoon over him: by and large that’s a myth!

There are in general five types of Western women who get jungle fever for African men:

1) Girls with low self esteem

2) Girls who are ‘kilogramically challenged’ aka a tad bit overweight

3) Girls with drug problems

4) Girls who wanna ‘be down’ (think double-entendres here)

5) Girls who watch too much interracial porn or spend way too much time in fantasy land

Obese women

Low Self Esteem and Overweight

I have put these two together for one reason. Now ladies, please, correct me if I am wrong: I have noticed that as far as woman are concerned, even in this post-feminist age, majority of women still pretty much value themselves on the basis of their beauty and/or their desirability to potential suitors.

If you don’t believe me, Google ‘Weight loss’ and see how many results come up. Go to the supermarket and check how many of those magazines talk about fabulous dresses and ways to please your man. Finally, tell a girl she is stupid and unemployable and watch her reaction. Finally tell her she is ugly and no one will ever find her attractive.See which of the two derives a stronger reaction (btw please don’t actually do this experiment to see how hurt someone gets, I can tell you right now in my experience it’s the ugly comment that hurts the most)

So let’s assume you now agree with me. Now out here in the West, fat women aren’t generally considered beautiful. Therefore if women feel they are not beautiful and desirable they tend to feel pretty worthless and have self-esteem and self-confidence issues.

Cue the African Man

I won’t even bother explaining and philosophizing on it……I’ve got two stories for you:

Full fridge

The Story of the Fully Stocked Fridge (An African Man’s Take on Why We Sleep with Fat Western Women, again I paraphrase. Actually anytime I quote someone, assume I am paraphrasing and not giving you a verbatim quote unless I state otherwise): So you’re in the club and you know, you are not there to preach. You have three missions, chill with your boys, grab a cold one and finally maybe leave with a little something something…..

So you check in the club it’s maybe 9:30pm, sit down and start vibing with your boys. The pints start coming and a good time is being had by all. Then around midnight,you start to feel your soldier down south telling you it’s time to go hunting.

So you know, there are a few mirooz(Africans for the uninitiated) around, so you begin campaigning. You ask to the left, is nothing. You ask to the right, nyimwad (denied).

Then you notice something out of the corner of your eye but you push it aside. Around 2:30 a.m. that thing that was taking up just a corner is now taking up the ENTIRE space of both your eyes. She’s a big woman and you’re like, “There’s no way…there’s just no way.”

At 3 a.m., you rewrite your rules and draft a new constitution. And so you look around and say to yourself, “Enyewe njaa ni mbaya (the hunger is bad).”

3:15a.m., you are there with your hand outstretched, asking her if you can connect the dots. Talking is just a formality and after a quick convo, you leave together.

Now the great thing about sleeping with a big woman is come the next morning. You have finished your work. Now she’s a big woman so you’ve just put in overtime on that shift. But when you go to the fridge…..”

“….Fully loaded! If you’re a broke or a student, it’s like going to heaven. By sleeping with big mamas you save $50 in shopping every week.”
So What’s the Game Plan?

The Book Review (This is another friend of mine telling me about a book he had just recently read):

“The guy who wrote the book is a bright guy. Now anytime you look at a group of chicks, there is always either an ugly one or a fat one, sometimes they are the same person. Now other guys will be campaigning for the other chicks, but you, you’re a time saver. You compromise on quality for the evening and you slide on in to the unattractive often neglected friend. A bit of flattery, make her feel beautiful and boom, you’re in.”

Btw both stories are true, a bit exaggerated but very very true.

Has a Drug Problem and Wants to Be Down

Girls and drugs

Again these two are very much related. These women tend to be the women who are knee deep into the hip hop culture and think that African is one big country where we ALL listen to hip hop and act like 50 cent-Ask someone who’s been in the West a while and you learn this stereotype is surprisingly common.

So after listening to enough Bone Thugs n Harmony, they begin to sample marijuana, or a bit of cocaine or speed or whatever. And soon enough they become addicted. What do they do?

1) First they seek people to smoke with. (btw I kid you not, for those of you who haven’t found enough odd things on the Internet, there is actually a dating site for marijuana smokers. I guess we all need love…..)

2) And then they seek someone to sell them the drugs on a regular basis

Cue the Black Man

This spot is reserved for the African brothers who are also knee deep into hip hop. In my first couple of years here, it was quite common for people to stop me and ask me if I had any drugs or any pills. So if a white girl finds a brother and he can fulfill he narcotic cravings, it’s a match made in heaven, or grown in a coca farm in Bolivia.

A Few Problems Though

Mo'nique from Phat Girlz

1)Some of these women tend to take this trying-to-be-African-American-thing a bit too far and even decide they will try to be drama queens like, “some of the sistaz they saw on TV.” This pretty much guarantees that a quiet night of socializing turns into a session where she huddles up with ‘her girlfriends’ to talk about, “men aint worth s……”

2) When she tires of the hip hop lifestyle or she outgrows it or the consequences come knocking, she will dump a brother and leave him cold and alone faster than you can say, “She’s my woman and she’s gonna stand by her………”

The Mandingo Fantasy


In truth, this fantasy probably plays a role in almost all cases of Jungle Fever. This fantasy basically reduces all young black men all over the world into strong ebony love-making Gods with elephant trunks swaying between their legs and the love-making skills of Don Juan in his prime. Women who strongly by into this fantasy tend to have either watched too much interracial porn or too many movies that talk about how, “brothers are packing down south.” Now I am yet to meet an African man who is willing to argue against this fantasy or attempt to disprove it in any way. I am not about to but it’s definitely something that’s there and you should know about.

However, if you wanna know what type of women regularly try to test out this fantasy to see if it matches reality, generally they have characteristics 1 through 4 in the list above.

So What’s the Point? What Should We Do?

Well this depends on what you want. What my friend promised me at Carnivore is true. If you are coming to Australia just to get laid without regard for the type of person you sleep with, you can. All you have to do is hang around the night clubs and flatter people here and there. In fact a friend of mine’s strategy consists of him going to a club sitting down, drinking and waiting for a white girl to come and flirt with him.

However, if you want good quality relationships, as is always the case, it is very difficult to find. What I would advise is you best be bringing something else to the table rather than a promise of a trunk long enough to choke a gorilla. The people who get the quality tend to be very interesting special people; They may be good looking. They may have a very endearing idiosyncrasy. They may be so smooth they can skate on sand. They may be extraordinarily gifted at business, writing (that’s me :D lol), sports, academia whatever. I think the solution to the quality problem is, as much of a cliche as it is:

Know what your passions are. Pursue your passion with vigour and intensity and if you grow a garden beautiful enough, people will come. In truth, from an empirical standpoint, I am not really sure what the solution is. However,I will definitely make it one of the points of this blog to answer that question. I really hope this blog has served.

Before you leave make sure you leave a comment below and let me know your thoughts. Until then, stay off the porn.

If you want more articles that talk about the African immigrant experience, make sure you subscribe to the blog for either free email updates or to receive regular RSS updates ( Click on this link to learn just what the heck RSS is )

Elephant trunk

Be blessed and bless others,


For the women reading this, your situation is a lot different from this from what I have observed and studied. This will definitely be a topic of future posts. If you have any thoughts, any ideas, any thing, you think you missed, either leave a comment below or contact me and let me know.

Update: Many months later I did write the article: Jungle Fever 2: The Relationship Between White Men and African Women


  • By Alex Kay, January 18, 2008 @ 5:44 am

    Great post! Had to laugh at the “save 50$ a week” part, but felt a little guilty when I actually realized it could (or is) true.

    Thanks for a little eye-opener, this is definately one of your better posts :)


  • By Mwangi, January 18, 2008 @ 5:51 am

    Thanks for the compliment man. It’s gr8 that you learned something. By the time you’re through with the blog you’ll pretty much be an honorary African :-P

  • By Alex Kay, January 18, 2008 @ 8:53 am

    haha! I can’t wait :P

  • By Mwangi, January 25, 2008 @ 2:14 pm

    It’s absolutely fascinating to me man and I’m glad to see it fascinated you. Which parts didn’t you understand I may be able to guide you in the right direction?

  • By Jessica, January 28, 2008 @ 11:37 pm

    Passing through and wanted to tell you I enjoyed my stay

  • By Mwangi, January 28, 2008 @ 11:47 pm

    Thank you for passing by. Hope to see you again :D

  • By Dating African Women, February 5, 2008 @ 7:43 am

    Hey!, I fell lucky that I located this post while browsing for dating african women. I am with you on the topic of The Displaced African. Ironically, I was just putting a lot of thought into this last Monday.

  • By katherine, March 4, 2008 @ 11:57 am

    i feel very much offended by your article..i am a white woman and my parner is an african man.none of your five points apply to me.i am an outgoing young woman ex model (not over weight or under weight)studying and about to go to university that just happenned to fall in love with a black man.in the uk its a multicultural society and i have friends from every race and culture.obviously there is still a small minority of narrow minded people like yourself.although, i imagine these cases may apply to some(1-5 points).i fasinated to know where you completed your studies.i imagine the us.i find what you have said may be true in some cases but certainly NOT all,and i feel you are either racist,poorly educated or just do not have enough life experience and knowledge on this topic to write this article.it shouldnt matter about the colour of your skin,just educating and understanding each other cultures

  • By katherine, March 4, 2008 @ 12:05 pm

    just read over the top of your article and was amazed your study was in australia,,

  • By Mwangi, March 4, 2008 @ 12:06 pm

    Hey Katherine,
    First of all, forgive me, this response will be a little meandering.Secondly, you are right, the post broke the world down into gross generalizations and simplifications and there are definitely exceptions to the rules laid down in the post.I must admit that I admire your anger and outrage at me. It shows that you really care about your partner. He must be really lucky to have you. The post did not occur as a result of academic investigation….rather it came about through people in my home country setting very high expectations for me and my coming over and having those expectations shattered. If you don’t believe me, please begin to observe the African interaccial couples (African Americans and people from the West Indies tend to be in a different category from native Africans) and tell me these stereotypes in point 1 through 5 don’t apply a bit too often. Believe me I am far from narrow minded, perhaps you may be one of the rare exceptions that I should celebrate and promote in the blog. Thanks for stopping by!

  • By Mwangi, March 4, 2008 @ 12:09 pm

    I would also recommend that you show this post to your partner and his friends – assuming they are native Africans- and ask them if there is a grain of truth to this article. I have had very little argument against this post or its ideas from the African community. Again, thanks for stopping by, hope you respond with as much passion to my other posts.
    PS: I am educated….dem big wurds me use them well (lol):D

  • By Mwangi, March 4, 2008 @ 1:26 pm

    Aah then I see where one of the problems is. I think one of the problems is you misunderstood one of the earlier sentences in the post. In the post I said something to the effect of these are the type of white women who go for African men and not that ALL white women are this or that. I think if you don’t fall into one of these categories you should chuckle and appreciate the fact that yours is one of those rare beautiful unions.

    Hope that clears up a thing or two

  • By Mwangi, March 4, 2008 @ 5:45 pm

    Finally katherine understand that my conclusions in the article came about as a result of observation. They did not occur in some vacuum in my head or in some anti-whitey black people meeting. They occurred by living in Australia for six years and interacting with 100s of Africans including the ones who have Western girlfriends and interacting with Western people myself while I was here. I think if this article is a sad reflection upon anyone (after all, isn’t the old adage that behind every great joke there is a tragedy) it is a sad reflection upon the African man and the way he is perceived, the way he perceives himself and the choices that he makes as opposed to a negative reflection upon white women. After all, in the end of the article I give my opinions on those people who have had outstanding interracial relationships – who here are sadly in the minority. I guess you are right we shall simply have to agree to disagree. Should this article bother you and offend you so much and you be determined that what I am saying is hogwash I am more than willing to interview you and your partner either over written word or audio and post it up as a ‘model of what is possible’. After all, that’s what my site is about. Is that fair?

    Btw for those who are wondering what the heck am I talking about, Katherine has been writing to me via email and I am trying to put the conversation out there in the open for everyone to participate.

  • By Caustic Blonde, March 13, 2008 @ 8:50 pm

    I can’t believe you were foolish enough to believe white women would be waiting at the airport for black men(or any group of men ). That was somewhat amusing, however the stereotyping is a bit disheartening. You should always treat everyone as an individual and if this is the only type of white women you have met, you should get out more.

  • By Mwangi, March 13, 2008 @ 8:54 pm

    @ Caustic: Oh my dear if we were to go through all the stupid things I have done and believed over the course of my life, we would be here for days on end.
    I think I should make it clear that in this article I wasn’t stereotyping as much as I was trying to describe in a humorous manner what I have observed. Never forget I believed that at the airport I would be met by Jennifer Hawkins lookalikes and thats how life was for all African men. If the stereotyping disheartened you, how do you think I felt watching my expectations getting knocked down one by one.
    As for going out more, you are probably right, we will see what I have to say about this article, a year from now.

  • By Caustic Blonde, March 17, 2008 @ 10:20 am

    And when I say you need to get out more, I am not talking about going to clubs, IMHO, that is the worst place to meet someone. ;)

  • By Mwangi, March 17, 2008 @ 5:23 pm

    On that we both agree. Going to the club to get a life partner is like buying a Hummer to conserve fuel: it only makes sense if you’re really twisted (hmm, I just came up with that metaphor, surely there are better metaphors around)

  • By extinct, April 5, 2008 @ 11:17 pm

    Mwangi, why are you justifying yourself and your comments to these white women who are “offended” by your insights into what I believe is right on the money! I totally agree that there is a pattern and whether these women want to admit it or not, it’s happening, consciously or not. I have to add that in some sense it applies to Black women of non-African heritage as well. I’m disappointed after reading such an entertaining article full of “generalisations …” you now back pedal just because someone with $50 worth of groceries shows you her fridge. And please, I really don’t want to hear from any of you white women who are offended by what I have to say to Mwangi. P-leeez.

  • By extinct, April 5, 2008 @ 11:26 pm

    The penny just dropped, a website that is an innovative way to meet the 5 types of Australian women. My bad. Cheers.

  • By Mwangi, April 5, 2008 @ 11:30 pm

    Hey extinct, thanks for defending my article. I want to make sure that absolutely everyone who reads the article understands where I am coming from.That’s why I am going to painstaking lengths to explain where I am coming from. In addition to that, indeed this blog is about moving beyond those generalizations to a much better place. That’s just me and the way I blog really. Yet again, thanks for sticking up for me.

  • By Mwangi, April 5, 2008 @ 11:31 pm

    @extinct: I didn’t understand the second comment.
    Btw, please share what you have observed in terms of black women of non African heritage (isn’t that an oxymoron); I am always curious as to the female side of this equation?

  • By peetee, May 18, 2008 @ 1:54 am

    We-ell, you can’t all be Kofi Anan, Tiger Woods, Seal, Christian Karembeu, Patrick Kluivert, to name but a few… (meaning: check out their wives).

    OK OK, a bit lame perhaps, but I’m trying to make a point – what about the quality of the men themselves (never mind their colour).

    And who could object to this: http://images.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://www.geocities.com/mclane65/th

  • By Mwangi, May 18, 2008 @ 1:59 am

    @peetee: Whereas there is no denying that there are outstanding individuals and great people in every single race….I am discussing the cultural tendencies of African males. The individuals you have discussed are outstanding men..I was referring to the tendency of majority of “ordinary” (does that word really have any meaning) African men.

  • By DeTamble, May 19, 2008 @ 1:14 am

    I just stumbled by and dude, this is HILARIOUS!! I almost cried with laughter when I read those stereotypes and then scrolled down and saw that picture!! Please, you don’t really sleep with chicks that fat? Do you?!?!? Please say no!!
    And Katherine, chill out, he did say ‘in general’ after all. I only know one other White girl who is dating an Afri boy, a Zim boy to be specific and she totally fits into the ‘Wants to Be Down’ category. I’m so happy that I don’t fit into any of the categories.

    Is it really that hard to find a nice White girl who doesn’t fit those categories? Hmmm maybe it is. :-( I know it never occurred to me to date an African, the thought just never crossed my mind…until that fateful day when the Ugandan boy dropped his do fuck-not-with-I-and-I look and smiled at me…and I was hooked.

    Save you $50 a week, ROFL!!!

  • By Mwangi, May 19, 2008 @ 1:20 am

    @DeTamble:I can’t say I have had the pleasure of pleasing a kilogramically challenged lady, but that happens A HELLUVA lot. Any African guy I show the article usually just nods his head.
    I can’t seem to find any white women dating African men outside of that category…I am holding out hope though…watch this space.
    You really can’t make that $50 story up.

  • By DeTamble, May 19, 2008 @ 1:31 am

    Woah!! You’re awake! Are you studying or something? A ‘kilogramically challenged lady’ HAHAHAHA! They nod their head? OMG so it’s true, they desperate enough to sleep with FAT girls!! Ewwww! Those poor boys! What’s wrong with the normal Australian girls, why haven’t we noticed the African boys yet!! I guess we’re just a bit slow and sometimes you guys do look a little scary when you wander around in groups, looking all black and buff :P

    I get the $50 thing. Since becoming a student I’ve realised that toast is actually a meal all on its own, no matter how much my Mother disagrees, and that chocolate is fanciful dream that doesn’t really exist.

  • By Mwangi, May 19, 2008 @ 1:37 am

    @DeTamble: I work during the night and sleep during the day…wats ur excuse? It’s a mixture of things, it’s not just that their desperate (though a lot of them that’s exactly it), Africans are also genuinely attracted to big women. Some do take even that one a bit tooooooo far.
    The article refers to people such as myself who are Fresh of the Boats, for African people who grew up here, a lot of the time it’s an entirely different ball game.
    One thing I realized from the short time I was a student, is that food is the last thing on the list of things that people want to buy – clothes, party etc must take priority…….

  • By DeTamble, May 19, 2008 @ 1:45 am

    My excuse, oh you know, the usual. I’m not writing an assignment that is due tomorrow :-) And I have work in 5 hours. Should really make an effort soonish…

    Big women…as big as those three girls in the pic? Cause in my opinion that’s a little scary :D Those women aren’t fat, they is obeeeese!!
    What’s the difference in the girls for the Africans who grew up here?

    Food…how I long for thee. As I write this my tummy is grumbling angrily at me and I feel faint but my brand new pair of Bettina Liano jeans are looking mighty fine!!

  • By Mwangi, May 19, 2008 @ 1:53 am

    @DeTamble: Ah yes, the assignments….you school kids really do suffer….I can see you are doing some…er…er….research into…the….into…the….how did you find this article, because I would love to know what you were searching for? (I can guess though)
    Yeah, some brothers end up out here with some pretty scary looking women…sad but true.
    People who grow up here, 2 things happen (a lot more possibilities, but these are the main things I have observed):
    a) They kinda go a bit crazy and go against the typical African expectations in one way or many ways (I fall into this category)
    b) They buy into the whole gangsta thing waaayyy too much and dumb themselves down. But since they grew up here and know how things flow, these dumb cats get laid quite a bit.
    These guys tend to get better looking women….as for personality….in truth I don’t hang about these cats so I can’t give you insider info but from afar it looks like a lot of them go for looks over substance, which I guess is still an improvement over some FOBs who, direct quote,: “end up kissing rhinos .”

  • By DeTamble, May 19, 2008 @ 2:08 am

    Yes us Uni kids :D I was researching homosexuality in Africa then I got distracted by some African American stuff and then I got even more distracted and Googled black men with white women and WOW!! Americans are fucked!!!! Anyway…lets not go there.

    I find gangsta a little weird, you’re right, like they dumbed themselves down. And they keep calling girls baby, gah, we do have names!

    Well, I hope you never are left to get desperate enough to go ‘kissing rhinos’!!
    Which city are you living in? Melbourne?

  • By Mwangi, May 19, 2008 @ 2:33 am

    @DeTamble: I’m a Melbourne boy all the way. I tried Sydney, but Melbourne just drew me back in. The way my life is going at the moment, me thinks that I won’t have too worry to much about rhinos or anything like that.
    Those guys who dumb themselves down sadden me, so much potential, so much access to everything you could ever need and you spend your spare money on grills when a book is $0.99.
    You know it always astounds me how popular this article is in Google. It has consistently brought in the most Google Traffic……goes to show you what folks are after on the Internet I guess.

  • By DeTamble, May 19, 2008 @ 2:42 am

    You have Google Analytics? I hail from Melbourne, way back, in the Golden days :-) I’m in Brisbane now, not that I don’t love it here but frankly, it’s just not Melbourne. Sydney smells funny :P

    99c? That’s far too much! Just steal them from the library like me :D Joking, I don’t really steal books from the library…or do I?

    Once I posted something titled ‘Watch that Cock grow, I mean Crow’ and it got sooooo many hits, I was astounded and mildly creeped out. Guess the net really is only for sex!

    Btw you’ve got a cool welcome message, I like your accent, watch out though, you’re starting to sound a little too Australia, you’ll go home and no one will understand you :P

  • By Mwangi, May 19, 2008 @ 3:03 am

    @DeTamble: LOL! I look forward to hearing about the Brisbane woman dropping the soap because she stole a 20 cent book from a Brisbane Borders ;)
    Do I really sound Aussie :O ? How on Earth did that happen? Thx for the kind words. I’ve been an analytics groupie for a while now.
    It would be so easy to get traffic by just discussing sex all the time…but I must focus on doing something bigger than that

  • By Prakash, June 3, 2008 @ 4:29 pm

    MR. Mwangi,

    Thanks for providing such article. I believe the “Interracial relationship” mainly between White Women/Black Men caught your eyes and you truly tried to investigate the reasons. I admire your view and it should not be considered something delivered by a white racist as Katherine Said. First of all I would like to tell you I am not white nor an African, I am a man from Indian and traveled different places. I hardly found any interracial couple (or may be less than 3%). There are different reasons as to why few White Women choose Black Men. I intend to add few more reasons out of the clause (1 to 5). Reasons are as under: -

    Body development: – Interracial dating among those who are in between 13 to 15 is somewhat common. It is medically proven that White girls get larger and devolve more adulthood than white boys at that particular age (This documentary shown on Discovery Channel). This age is vital as girls enjoy their physical changes and want to find someone who can admire them or share the joy of such feelings. Who do they find? Girls of their age, Elder Sisters at home and sometime obviously Black Boys! Yes Black Boys become more matured during that phase, always act as matured man and that attracts some White Girls where White Boys literally remain as school boys (Nothing wrong in it). For some White Girls this attraction lasts for years and causes a myth that Black Boys are more confident and matured but it is totally false. If they had been confident enough then Africa would be the Earth’s most developed Continent and in fact it is not.

    The science of mental life: – It related to compassion. There are lots of stories around like Uncle Tom’s Cabin and about the time of slavery. I don’t know at what extent they were true. I have many white Friends and I simply can not believe that their great grandparents were that inhuman. But myths work like anything. Some stories describe that Black African Men were sentenced to death just for staring at White Ladies. Some White Women feel that it is pay back time and can share their lives with the Black Men for eliminating the sins stored by their forefathers (It is not very common but you may find such cases).

    Some women, believe it or not are crime oriented, some women like to mingle with criminals. It is my real experience with many Indian and other women. I really do not know why but it is partially true. They find them more masculine and attractive.

    Sometime it is simply love that Katharine described. Yes and this could be normal but it is because of color contrast and different attitude. Some are attracted to other race. It is applicable for both men and women.

    High divorce rate causes panic. A white woman deliberately believes that she is superior to her black male partner and this thought leads her to a belief that she might always be adored by her partner.

    Ladies (Both Black & White) are equally concerned as to why their men are going for girls from different race. A group of German Girls expressed their annoyance after Boris Backer had married his Afro-German Girlfriend.

    Finally I thank you for this article also apologies for any of my comments that you may find offensive. Have a nice day



  • By Mwangi, June 3, 2008 @ 4:39 pm

    Welcome Prakash and I am glad you enjoyed the article. Interestingly enough, the only point you brought up that seemed to resonate with my experiences was the comment you made about some women liking criminals…..a lot of women, especially Westernized ones love bad boys because of their confidence so…

    I think a lot of white teenage girls who go for African men simply do so because of the mandingo fantasy, because they find us attractive AND our confidence. I can assure you, Africans have their fair share of arrogance and I think the fact that our continent is actually still standing after all the pressure it’s been to is testament to that.

    People mingling outside of the race, in my opinion, bothers people because they don’t want to lose the potential to keep people for themselves ( well that’s the case with me and African women anyway). You know what, you came correct, you showed respect in my home, whatever offensive remarks you may have made, I will let them slide. Have a good one.

  • By Wanjiku, June 10, 2008 @ 6:42 am

    Hi Mwangi,

    I didnt agree with you so much about what you wrote on Obama but on this one i agree with you 100 %.

    I just bumped into this site today but be sure i am going to check in again and again, hope you keep on writing.Kudos

  • By Mwangi, June 10, 2008 @ 7:50 am

    @Wanjiku: Thank you for stopping by and I look forward to hearing what you have to say about my other posts. Actually, should you read this, I would love to hear why you disagree with the Obama post.
    I am constantly amazed by how little disagreement there is from people of African descent whenever they read this post….I guess the standards and expectations placed on African men just aren’t very high or something like that….anyway, interesting.

  • By lis, June 13, 2008 @ 1:20 pm

    Enjoyed the article and found myself looking for me in it (American white woman). I couldn’t resist adding my own comments on why i have suddenly found myself attracted to african men.
    Never dated an african american, simply never attracted.Moved to Thailand about 4 years ago and went through the rites of passage,namely, dated thai men.
    Here is where the size comes in, I’m no big fatty but definitely curvy (size 12 American) but here in thailand, that is mammoth. Men are really small here, there is no social taboo telling someone they are fat and by thai standards, I am. A girl can start to get a complex!
    Along comes the random African man (please note: NOT African American). Here is what hooked me: #1 The voice: very deep and laced with a sexy accent (sorry, i just melt when its French – Hence, not the American). #2 Their size: After dating tiny thai men, Africans just felt like real men – made me feel like a woman (petite, feminine). At this writing, I’ve never gone back. (one is reminded of a certain cliche` here. . .)
    Ah, but alas, my limited experience with African men has allowed me to make my own sweeping(somewhat negative) generalizations about them! I’ll apologize now if i offend, but here goes: #1 Sweetest talkers i have ever met, the flattery flows and they are very forward about how much they want you. #2 Possibly the most impeccably dressed men on the planet, they are meticulous in their own presentation, which, if other men don’t know this, is very attractive and (here it comes) #3 Absolute dogs. sorry. I’ve come to sense that African men have a deep respect and reverence for their fathers and i inevitably find out that they are a product of one of their father’s relationships because he, of course, has had many. Serial fatherhood may be a common cultural trait (enlighten me with the stats if you’ve got them) but it creates in this western woman the realization that she’s with a player.
    It makes me sad that I’ll never have a real, long term relationship with an African man, I’m simply knocked out by them. Of course, this player stereo is applicable to all races but my own experience has taught me to proceed with caution (translation: run like my hair’s on fire!)
    thanks for allowing me to sound off.

  • By Mwangi, June 13, 2008 @ 9:17 pm

    @lis: Hello and welcome to the tDA. Well, everything you have said is pretty much on point and applicable as far as I can tell to African folks:
    a) We are indeed impeccable, to a very large extent, when it comes to dressing and hygiene. In my culture for example, men don’t take pride in farting in front of each other and other folks for sport, something which is quite common in other folks.
    b) Most of us think relationship commitment is an oxymoron and indeed African men can be very smooth tongued and up front.
    Nothing you have said offended me at all, it all seemed very on point.
    Thanks for sharing your experiences and adding them to the record on this blog.

  • By Dawn, June 23, 2008 @ 3:33 am

    Wow.. I just happened to stumble across this article today. Now while i can completely appreciate the humor within your five types of western women. ( stero types do exsist for a reason do they not ? ) and I myself fit into the “big girl” category i do not however fit the low self esteem or ugly criteria. I’m confident in myself, I know I am a very attractive woman I’ve done a lot of plus size modeling in the past not only am I heavy but tall as well around 5′10″. A lot of men like a girl of size. But I digress I also agree COMPLETELY with what Lis said in her post about African men. I also would like to add that there is a sense of reverse racism ( at least in my experience) This is my experience. I met a very attractive smooth opereating guy from Tanzania, he was very upfront about how the things he wanted to do to me. From the moment he walked in his eyes where on me like i was the last biscuit on the plate and he hadnt eaten anything in about 3 weeks. Everytime i would glace his way he was staring at me with this little smirk and gleam in his eyes like “i’m gonna tap that ” anyways there was some alcohol involved and dancing and music one thing led to another… Fast forward to now I’m getting ready to give birth in Septmenber to a baby girl by this guy. He has been completely unsupprtive says he does not need to take a paternityt test because he “knows” its not his baby he could never get a white girl pregnant. I also later found out that he already had an African girlfriend during the time we where together and that basically this guy likes to fuck white women but they are not worth anything more than that to him and from talking to other people i know this seems to hold true for a lot of them. There are a lot of white girls who in a moment of weakness or poor judgement end up getting pregnant to these guys and they just move on …. spreadin their seed like its nothing. This is really sad and unfortunate for these kids . I dont know why I am venting all of this . It helps tho as you can imagine i have a lot of frustration at the situation. It’ s not that i really want to be in a relationship with this guy he’s proved himself to be arrogant and lacking a heart and just plain cruel and cold. But i do want him to own up that he has a resposibility for his actions and maybe it will teach him to keep his Mandingo in his pants ( a term btw I was not familiar with till i met him and he would talk about how wanted to give me his mandingo or “big black african cock” . just some thoughts and general venting . I dont know maybe you can shed some light on the situation . I’m just at a loss.

  • By Mwangi, June 23, 2008 @ 3:41 am

    @Dawn: Unfortunately your situation is far too common…..I think you are a bit more blessed than some of the other white women that get lied to. For example, there are those relationships that Africans get into “for the paperwork” and while they may whisper sweet things in your ear on one side, on the other, they brag to African people about how they can lie and manipulate natives of said country.
    Where I say you are lucky is you saw his clear intention early on and are now able to address it. He will probably never own up willingly and so whatever you do understand that indeed that reverse racism you were talking about does exist and I may not know about your situation personally (hence my opinion is based on my experience and stereotypes and isn’t worth a grain of salt) but the chances of him stepping up, owning up and doing the right thing are close to nil.
    The one thing that a lot of us share is right before we leave, either our mother, grandmother or aunties will say, “Don’t bring us a white woman.” (with white being essentially anything other than African, usually a native of whichever country or tribe your from).
    Hope this information has helped you understand and navigate the murky waters of what must be a trying time. I’m sure your child will be gorgeous.

  • By Dawn, June 23, 2008 @ 4:41 am

    Thank you for your replay. You have pretty much confirmed what i was thinking all along. in regards to ” dont bring us home a white woman ” thing. I find it to be really sad that there are still such lines and resentments towards another person based on things such as race , sexuality, culture , weight ect. while these may be components of a whole they are by no means the whole of a person there are factors infinite and unknown to every one and every situation. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and writings I am finding them to be very enjoyable as I am always open to good conversation and things that make one think . If you have my space I would love to add you as a friend there I have my setting on private tho ( too many random pervy guys with the “hey youve got nice tits , we should fuck ‘) I have some selected things written there as I am really just starting to get into the whole blogging thing and i find it a good way to keep in contact with friends ( easy to do to !! Im not the most computer literate person) at any rate here’s my link

  • By Mwangi, June 23, 2008 @ 6:57 pm

    @Dawn: I am glad I was able to be of some use. I am not a myspacer and am barely a facebooker as is so unfortunately can’t add you to myspace but can definitely add you to my facebook.
    As for the whole, don’t bring me a white woman thing, it may not be politically correct to say but I kinda see where it comes from: people in our communities never want to lose the good members or the members with potential within it. And considering how weak and bruised and battered our African communities are we need all the good people we can get. What I absolutely abhor is the callousness with which so many of my African compatriots enter interracial relationships with zilch concern for the other party and only thinking about themselves.

  • By hijack323, June 28, 2008 @ 2:08 pm

    I read your original post and some of the responses. I am a white American woman. I was married for 9 years to a white man and after my divorce, dated both white and black men. I have been married for 11 1/2 years to a black man, both of or second marriages. His first wife was black. I love men in general but find myself more attracted to black men. My husband told me that when he first met me, he knew that I was comfortable around black people. At one time, my house mate and best friend was a black female. He tells me that many white people do not seem genuinely comfortable around black people. I have my own theories about why I am attracted to black men. None of them seem to be in line with your theories. I am a bit overweight right now, but this is recent. Most of the time when I dated black men, I weighed about 105 lbs. I am 5′6″ so I was not overweight at all – in fact, quite the opposite. When I was 14 years old, I became involved with a 14 year old black boy. He was kind, handsome and he was crazy about me. I went with him for almost a year. This was in 1973. I was shunned by many of the white boys at my school. The ones that gave me the hardest time were the ones that I would never have given the time of day. I was head cheerleader for the middle school cheerleading squad and trust me, I never had a problem getting or keeping a boyfriend. I pretty much had my pick and the white boys at my school could not handle the fact that I chose a black boy over them. Later, when I moved up to high school, my black boyfriend and I broke up. White boys began dating me again, but they always expected me to apologize to them for my previous choice and say that I had made a mistake. Even when I was in my late 20s I dated, for a short period of time, a man that had attended the same high school that I had attended. He never knew that I had dated a black guy in middle school because he was 4 years older than I. About 6 months in to the relationship, he came home and told me that one of his friends that was my age told him that I had dated a black guy in middle school. My response was “so what?” I despised him after that. In my opinion, black people in general are less judgemental than whites. I have seen black men that are 5′ tall that have 2 or 3 women fighting over them. Short black men do not seem to have the “little man” syndrome that short white men have. The same goes for bald men. Black men don’t seem to have a self-esteem problem if they are bald, but white men freak out over it. I say that to express that African men, be they African immigrants or African American are not as judgemental as white men. My husband works as an electrical contractor. He tells me on the job sites that the skinniest stick woman can walk by and all of the white guys will go on and on about how good looking she is. Don’t get me wrong, by the time my husband and I got married I weighed about 120 lbs. and although he does not like skinny women, he probably would never have dated me had I been very large. I do not consider myself judgemental. I love people of all races. I have heard women make comments of other women about weight or other flaws. I just don’t notice that sort of thing about people, especially people that I care about. You could put me in a room with 20 men – 1/2 of them white and 1/2 of them black and I would probably pick a black man as a companion every time. Maybe it takes me back to that 14 year old “puppy love” feeling, who knows, but plain and simple, black men turn me on. And, just so you know, I don’t drink or do drugs, I am not what most would consider “fat” and my family loves my black husband….. it is not really tabu for me. Maybe I am an exception, but I don’t really think so.

  • By Mwangi, June 28, 2008 @ 8:42 pm

    @hijack323: Today everyone leaving comments has such unique first names ;) Perhaps you are the exception to the rules. Make no mistake about it, my opinions on this matter are not static and do evolve and change depending on what I hear about and experience. So, should I hear enough stories like yours, I will definitely write a Jungle Fever 3.

  • By liberiangirl, July 15, 2008 @ 12:20 am

    I find this to be somewhat true..especially in the US. It is true that African/black men are naturally(most) attracted to vuluptious women, however I have seen it go waay overboard. It seems like the african/black men I see with these women are very sloppy in appearance..Most of the african men I have known will deal with these women for papers. Most black american men deal with these women because they think they are easy in all aspects(money,sex,able to walk over them).Of course I believe there are some VERY sincere relationships..howeve it is sad that this is the first thing most of us think when we see a black man with a non black female.

  • By Mwangi, July 15, 2008 @ 12:35 am

    @liberiangirl: Indeed, the way in which we dehumanize people from other races and communities and reduce them into nothing but means to an end (papers, cheap sex etc) is pretty sad.
    It also saddens me how 6 years later, I am still yet to see an African man who hasn’t converted to the church of gangsta rap who has gotten women high up the socioeconomic ladder in Australian society.
    The crude truth about that is probably than when it’s all said and done, we aren’t very high up the socioeconomic ladder in this society and have a lot of work to do: after all isn’t the women one can get usually a pretty crude measurement tool for measuring the worth of a man in society

  • By Nomadi, July 30, 2008 @ 12:11 pm

    This article is rubbish, I read a bit & couldn’t read anymore what a load of Tripe,

    Maybe the dude should just accept he’s an ugly guy surrounded by other ugly guys & simply can’t attract pretty white girls, well thankfully I’ve not had the same sorry experience as him.

    I tend to stick to a particular type, my type, that means educated, slim, proud, confident with no hidden issues or agendas (I don’t like fat girls sorry) I like girls who are progressive & ambitious, the type of girl who makes me feel proud to have on my arm, Who’s proud to have me as well, I don’t compromise my taste which it seems the writer does, I also don’t put any women up as trophies, LOL! We are all just as important, I just think the writer sounds insecure, I don’t need someone to bolster my Ego by telling me white chicks love black dick, I believe girls will love me regardless of my color & for who I am, well that attitude has always worked for me, I mean lets face it a girl with any number of these issues the guy mentions could be of any race not just white.

  • By Mwangi, July 30, 2008 @ 4:27 pm

    @Nomadi: Welcome to the Displaced African, you certainly came in with a whole lot of passion. If you indeed are exactly who you say you are, then you my friend are the type of people who I want to learn more from. I want to understand what you are doing that my peers are not.
    I think it’s definitely because of the informal and crass language in the post, but I have been very disappointed by the discussion in this post because it seems no one so far has focussed on the final section of the post which begins

    So What’s the Point? What Should We Do?

    Instead people focus on the nature of the article itself or discrediting or proving the ideas within the post. I wrote that post many months ago and by this point I truly “am over” getting that message behind the post out there, I want to discuss how collectively as a people we will rise above the flaws expressed in the post.

    As for my insecurity, that post can’t even begin to capture the full extent and nature of my insecurity or that of my peers, let’s work on that, let’s fix that. Let’s not just point it out and leave it at that, let’s outgrow it and move on to bigger and brighter things.

  • By Nomadi, July 30, 2008 @ 9:57 pm

    Hello Mwangi,

    Your article disappointed me, I found the article somewhat dated, it had no correlation with the world we live in today, & its far from the experience of me & many other Black men.

    Its all about expectation, it appears many of the readers who agree with this article, have gone into the situation, treating white women like some type of trophy, worth more than anything else, worth more than themselves, I include Mwangi in that bracket, (If he’s who he says he is?)

    If a white woman isn’t fat, on drugs or any of the above mentioned sequences by Mwangi, does this mean you achieved the ultimate, LOL!
    I don’t think like this, anybody who’s parents taught them to be proud of who they are wouldn’t think like this either, I know nice, pretty girls want me just as much as I want them, regardless of color.

    You ask if I’m for real, well I am, but I can ask the same of you? You might be some white racist man who’s discovered a trickish way to air a racist perception of white girls who date Black men? Because the article is in a sense demeaning to Black men & white girls/women, who prefer to date Black men (There are many) “Although I don’t say I’m into this type of white woman” I’m not, nor do I separate women by ethnicity, there are many black/Asians girls who eclipse what Mwangi would describe as a white girl who doesn’t have all the above mentioned problems.

    I mean look at David Bowie, Robert De Niro & Boris Becker (All white men who prefer black girls)

    This article simply talks of a stereotypical attitude many whites may have/ or want to have about white girls who date Black men, so does Mwangi!!? Have a hidden Agenda here? “The picture shows you as a black man”

    I’m African my Daughter is half Tibetan, (Which makes her Mum full Asian), My current Girlfriend is (White) Russian suffice to say, both are slim & beautiful + both had never been out with Black guys prior to me, I didn’t present myself as black/or a white wannabe, (I AM BLACK) “I’m me” Its the same as an insecure dweeb relying on how racist/backward a girl might be to help snare a woman, If the white woman is not prejudiced then the white guy with the expectation his chances are better than the average black doesn’t have a clue what to say to the white woman, (They might have nothing in common)

    A white man who snares a white woman on the basis he expects her to like him more because he’s white, is of cause an example of an insecure white man, this man is not depending on his attraction as a man, he’s depending on how prejudiced the girl might be, to rely on this, is kind of lame, LOL! Be yourself walk up to a woman you’ll be more likely to get her, don’t compare yourself to anyone else, stereotypes are just that, “stereotypes”

    I’ve had many beautiful girls & also a few not so beautiful girls, lol! They choose me over other Black/White/Asian guys, but the choice wasn’t made on color alone, like many silly guys might think, it was made on who I am, (I’m sure I’m not unique in having a beautiful girl choose me over others)

    I’ve also been to many clubs with a beautiful white girl, where there are thousands of beautiful white girls, a black guy comes in & proceeds to make a play for the one solitary white female who is with me? These men carry the same misconceptions & insecurities your article perpetuates, “that the girl likes Black men specifically & will be easier for them to approach, because each man thinks or wants to think he’s the Alpha, I never compare myself to other men, “I’m the best me” I put all my energy into that, (being me.)

    Not to mention I’ve also come across white men who are convinced a white girl will choose them over any black guy/me, when this does not materialize, they walk off in a huff insinuating one or all the claims Mwangi makes. IE, the girl must have one problem or the other, I found this even more true with ethnicities like Italians, Spaniards, Greeks, Arabs & some Indians not necessarily white in London some are quite evolved, they expected the girl to go with them based on whiteness & were annoyed when this didn’t happen, & would often accuse the girl of being fucked up.

    In a sense its a perception by some backward whites that there must be something wrong with a white woman who goes with a black man, LOL!

    I find the stereotypes here wholly untrue, my girl has a masters Degree & like I said she’s beautiful, the only guys who come up to her, regardless of knowing she’s with me, tends to be the more insecure guys who don’t rely on who they are, but how white they are.

    I disagree with the article & question its authenticity & agenda, Albeit Mwangi could be being honest (admittedly) & the scenario he describes might be found some places, but my point is I’ve not found this attitude personally, & I know many other African males who date normal white women as well, of all shapes & sizes, the same way whites find white women “all shapes & sizes”

    To conclude; “What do we do about this problem” First I’ll have to disappoint in the sense that because I haven’t witnessed this so-called-problem, I don’t have a solution.

    But don’t listen to stereotypes they are misleading, Man (The Norse) used to believe the world is flat, that should pretty much explain why people should think of themselves as individuals rather than define themselves by ethnicity. That advice is for black & white guys.

    I know many white guys, who I’ve only seen with ugly girls, or girls who take drugs & have weight problems, so maybe the question should encompass most men rather than singling out black men.


  • By Mwangi, July 30, 2008 @ 10:32 pm

    @Nomad: Thanks for engaging me, man. You cannot know how glad I am that you took some of that indignant energy and sublimated me to engage in discussion with me, I truly appreciate that.
    If I may ask, what is your background? How long have you been abroad? I am who I say I am, I am Mwangi so no need to worry about this being some cheap racist ploy, this blog has 180+ articles aside from this one, I think that’s way too much effort just for one article :) .
    One small distinction I should have made early on that has definitely become distinct over time is that the article refers predominantly to Africans fresh off the boat. Seriously, you have never seen this problem? :D
    That’s fantastic! Tell me in which country you live? What’s the culture like?

  • By Nomadi, July 30, 2008 @ 11:52 pm

    I’m from the UK, Of West African parentage although I was born in North London, but as you can appreciate I have many Africans friends & they are just like me, with the same attitude, so they are never held back by stereotypes, In the UK we tend to blame the person for being racists not ourselves, for example I normally dismiss a girl with issues about race as “having certain problems”

    If you look at many other aspects of that girls life you’ll find many of those perceptions about this type of girl are true.

    For example some times I’ve had a white girl, say to me, “Why do black men prefer white girls” I put them to right in no uncertain terms, I can’t speak for all Black African men, but? Why does any woman have to be so insecure? Can’t she think I chose her not a whole race, & that I’m with her does not mean I’m with her in preference to someone else, I love all women, its strange, by a woman saying why do you prefer white women, she’s implying the guy has to do all the running, if he did then how the hell did this white girl end up in my bed? She must have done some running as well, nobody is a helpless wall flower, but like I said this scenario implies the girl is insecure & using race to bolster her ego.

    I’ll add that America & Australia are not very good places to observe this type of scenario, they tend to be very insular places, the proof is in this pudding when these same girls come to a place where people are less prejudiced they blend because they don’t want to be left out.

    The white American & Australian girls tend to blend when they come to London, & most people tend not to take on the problems of the average racist as their own problems, IE, A girl with racial issues tends to be described as;”She has some problems with race” These are her problems not mine or black African peoples, so why take on board anybodies problems? Be it fat girls, druggies, racists, wannabe cools, the whole shebang LOL!

    Most good looking African people are viewed by some to be more exotic than a good looking person from their own ethnicity, their are too many issues here to settle with one, but its not really the way you see things Mwangi,

    Like I said I no many African guys who just came to London observe the vibe & blend in.

    Have to go.


  • By Nomadi, July 30, 2008 @ 11:56 pm

    I rushed my last reply, but I’ll reply in more detail later.

  • By Mwangi, July 31, 2008 @ 12:02 am

    @Nomadi: What I have tended to find, and you will probably appreciate this, is as much as it may seem that the article is about race I think something more key to all of this is culture. Someone who has been in the UK as long as you have will probably have very different nature of relationships from someone who has been abroad as long as I have – 6 years – as with someone who has just arrived as with someone who has been abroad for many years but has refused to assimilate culturally and socially.
    I have tended to find that people who were born here or folks who have been here as long as I have or longer have infinitely higher levels of success – from a superficial standpoint only i.e. beauty, social standing of the woman etc, the deeper aspects are another story. From my experience this is simply because over time one is forced to assimilate into the host nation’s country or in your case, grows up with an understanding of all the nuances and idiosyncrasies of it.
    Actually from what I have heard and my experience, Australia is probably the most open and tolerant society around. In comparing notes, whenever we engage in reductionism and try to reduce nations to simplistic characteristics, the general characteristics that come up are:
    America: Big and everything is very rushed. Nice mix of people who are open and people who could care less.
    The UK: Not a friendly society, people joke it’s because of the weather (NB: I only traveled to the UK when very young so can’t confirm or discredit this)
    Australia: Friendly people and waaayyyyy too slow for some (personally I love the pace of life here but to each his own).
    What type of relationships with white women do people your parent’s age have?
    I am sorry to have so many questions, the difference in culture that occurs from living in the West for different periods of time fascinates me and since you are exactly the type of person I wrote this article to attract, your insights are super appreciated.

  • By Nomad, July 31, 2008 @ 7:18 am

    I respect your point of view, but like I said, it depends on how high your expectations are & what you are willing to settle for, no one is forced to go with the type of girl they don’t really want, & like I said although I was born in the UK, I have plenty cousins & friends who’ve not been in the UK long but do not compromise themselves or conform to these stereotypes you mention. they get beautiful girls of all ethnicities, I agree with one thing, there is a degree of trial & error in the beginning, “feeling the waters so to say” but this is true of everybody (All ethnicities) who start at a point to learn about women, if the man settles with a woman who is not really the type he wants, this means he believes in the stereotypes you are perpetuating & doesn’t think he can get better.

    But I don’t understand what you mean by refuse to assimilate? Assimilating does not mean “compromise your culture” you are not being asked to make a choice, you do what you are happy with, you are confusing the issue if you don’t want to assimilate why want to go out with women who aren’t your culture?

    “Actually from what I have heard and my experience, Australia is probably the most open and tolerant society around” This statement is wrong, even on the basis of the way the Australians have treated their own Aboriginals even in comparison to the Maoris of New Zealand, & its well known the UK has more interracial marriages & relationships than anywhere else in the world, which would suggest Britain is much more tolerant on racial issues,
    Australians may have a more laid back attitude in regards to other issues, this does not necessarily make them more tolerant of other races.

    “from a superficial standpoint only i.e. beauty, social standing of the woman etc”

    Again Mwangi, I think this statement applies to everyone not just blacks/Africans, there is a pecking order, but it transcends ethnicity

    And you do realize that London, (UK) Is a very multicultural city, you’ll not find only English people here.

    I also disagree with your analogy of America, New York is called a melting pot, but unlike London you have several different groups, IE Italian Americans, Hispanic Americans, Irish Americans, Blacks, Whites a multitude of ethnicities, but they don’t necessarily mix & tend to keep to their respective communities, many Americans will confirm this, In the UK people couldn’t care less, you’ll meet more mixed race people in the UK, than anywhere else in the world.

    People in the UK, my parents age in mixed ethnicity marriages, are the same as anyone else, some good relationships some bad, its too general a question.

    Mwangi lots of the things you mention are problems for all ethnicities, these issues are not specific to African men, when Turks, Indians go to a place they’ve never been they all tend to end up with the worst in the beginning, but this changes rapidly like you say, when all these people become more familiar with the territory & the landscape——–

    Unless you believe this stereotype “the only type of white girls an African can get” then you won’t be inclined to go after the woman you really want.


  • By Mwangi, August 2, 2008 @ 4:36 am

    @Nomad: Can’t argue with that…makes sense. Hmmm, the only bit of it that I am still unsure about is the comparative level of openness of UK society compared with here. No doubt, since day one Aborginals here have been treated like animals but from what I have seen this harsh treatment is not extended to other minorities – except those who refuse to learn English, that drives many here bananas. Anyway long life to lead, I guess a UK trip is in order one of these days.

  • By Nomad, August 3, 2008 @ 6:43 pm

    The point is the way the Australians have treated the aboriginals with impunity, is a good indication of how they’d treat someone they consider different from them, (People they consider Inferior to them)

    So they might not treat other minorities the same way they do Aboriginals (They are not in a position to, the new minorities are not so much at the mercy of the Australians) & lets face it Australia needs the extra revenue these minorities bring to Australia.

    But Mwangi your last post sounds suspiciously like you are defending the prejudice shown by Australians to Aboriginals, on one hand you explain what you think is prejudice shown by Australian girls to African men, you claim only white girls with a multitude of problem go for these African settlers in the next breath you tell us the treatment of immigrants is not so bad & the Aboriginals are treated far worse, which is it? Are African men treated well or bad?

    Which means the whole articles purpose is wasted if you think the treatment of Aboriginals is ok & Australia is not at all a racist country (Because they treat other immigrants better than Aboriginals).

  • By Mwangi, August 4, 2008 @ 7:49 am

    @Nomad: Forgive me for a brief digression before I begin to answer your post specifically, but it has amazed me how much people have read between the lines and searched for subtext from the Jungle Fever article when ultimately the article wasn’t that deep or strategic, I mean it had some depth no doubt, but I am starting to feel that some people feel as though I am using the post to run for office or something, it’s something interesting I have found :)

    I think there is a difference between how people act when it comes to romantic and sexual relationships, how people treat acquaintances, how people treat people in the work place and how people from one group treat people from another group in general.
    Jungle Fever was an article that discussed romantic and sexual relationships. In that article, I actually didn’t talk about how African men are treated within this relationships, I simply spoke about the type of women who gravitate towards them? I have heard a lot of African men talk about how well these relationships work from them and a few lament at how badly they went for them. So to answer your question specifically, in romantic relationships, as far as I have seen and heard, African men are treated well (many times better than some of our more immature and self-centred brothers deserve to be, but another post for another day) and some are treated terribly.
    Now, the way Australian society has treated Aboriginals historically and the results that is having today is quite possibly one of the most callous and barbaric things I have ever seen in my entire life. Captain Cook and his crew behaved as though they were animals hell bent on blood and Aboriginals are quite possibly the hardest hit minority I have ever met in my life, in fact I rambled incoherently about this on this post:
    However, me, my family, my friends and other African people have been treated very well, especially when we compare our experiences with what we have heard about in US. In fact if you visit some African forums, many Africans talk about how sad it is that we are treated so much better than Aboriginals who are sometimes treated like animals.
    Is Australia a racist nation? Because of the Aboriginal situation, I agree with you entirely, the answer is hell yeah.
    Hope this clarifies things.

  • By 3N, August 12, 2008 @ 3:27 am

    this is a very candid observation of what Jungle Fever truly is!

  • By Mwangi, August 12, 2008 @ 6:17 am

    @3N: Thanks, if you have any insights to add to all of this, please feel free.

  • By Gene, August 16, 2008 @ 12:53 am

    Hi Mwangi, I just found your site and I am enjoing it very much so. I am a WM from the USA

  • By Mwangi, August 16, 2008 @ 12:57 am

    @Gene: Thank you for the kind words and welcome :)

  • By Gene, August 17, 2008 @ 9:24 am

    Mwangi, I have experienced the white man’s dread ( to borrow from Todd Wooten, he wrote White Men Can’t Hump ). When you speak honestly about your experience, it helps me so much. I releate to those fanatsies of being “all that” to women. When I see that we are the same in that way, I can see how much we all are alike, no matter what color on the otutside. Its a shame us white dudes have been so insecure and have abussed your people because we tried to live the fantasy that we were better.

    Im sure that the fantasy of a super lover causes lots of white women to want to explore with black men. I know its not just drug addicts, and fat women. It may be that women in general are more open to new things, while us guys are closed and we want to “protect” our women. Only us white guys can pass on our seeds in white women. lol. You may have those protective feelings about black women?

    Anyways thanks for the great site!

  • By Todd Wooten, September 6, 2008 @ 11:14 am

    What’s up Mwangi,

    I was just strolling through Google and stumbled on the above reference to my book (thanks Gene, though I don’t even know you, LOL!). The reference the gentleman made was accurate, but I believe this chapter excerpt would be much more fitting. This excerpt is from the Chapter “Once you go Black, you don’t go Back. Why?”

    Keep up the good work.
    Todd Wooten
    The author of White Men Can’t Hump (As Good As Black Men)

    “Once you go Black, you don’t go Back” is hardly a Myth, because in
    most cases it’s an easily confirmed reality. The reason the focus of “Once
    you go Black” is primarily on White Women, is because they suffer the
    harshest treatment for betting Black, and they have the hardest time going
    Back. To fully appreciate these occurrences you need to look at the reasons
    why women, primarily White Women, go Black to begin with. I’ve read a
    lot of different viewpoints on this subject, and I’ve witnessed the turmoil
    and the ups and downs firsthand. The most accurate assessment I’ve read
    on this subject is from Emily Monroy, who is a guest columnist for The
    InterRacial Voice and co-editor of the magazine Urban Mozaik. Ms.
    Monroy’s editorial entitled InterRacial Sex examined the 3 Most Common
    Stereotypes applied to White Women who stray from their herd and sleep
    with men of color. Even though her stated focus was on why Whites believe
    Inter-Racial dating occurs, the result was actually more about how White
    Women who stray from their herd are perceived by other Whites. I still
    found her editorial very compelling and very applicable to the “Once you
    go Black” phenomenon. Ms. Monroy is a White Woman who only dates
    men of other Races. She’s stated in her writings that she’s had a Mexican
    boyfriend, a Filipino Boyfriend, and a Lebanese ex-Lover to name a few.
    She also stated that:
    “At this point in my life copulating with a White Man seems about as
    exciting as eating Wonder Bread for breakfast (boring!!!).”

    On that note, I’ll let Ms. Monroy explain how White Women are perceived
    when they occasionally stray from the herd, and then I’ll explain why they
    strayed from their herd and why they usually don’t return once they’ve strayed.

    Emily Monroy’s 3 Most Common Stereotypes of White Women who
    sleep with Men of Color:

    #1 The Slut- A White Girl who willingly sleeps with a man of color is a slut
    or so goes the conventional wisdom. It therefore follows that she lacks any
    Sexual restraint whatsoever. In places like the Old South, such a woman
    faced public whipping, indentured servitude, rejection from her family and
    community, and violence from the Ku Klux Klan. Though now the legal
    consequences of the slut’s behavior have disappeared, and the social ones
    diminished somewhat, the Stereotypes remain.

    #2 The Political Activist- The political activist is a left-wing, socially
    conscious, politically correct woman, who views involvement with a non-
    White Man (especially a Black) as an act of solidarity with an oppressed
    group and perhaps as a means of thumbing her nose at society, and rebelling
    against her family. If she and her partner have children, she is further
    praised in some circles for holding the key to the future of Race relations.
    But many minorities and left-wingers are skeptical of her actions. People
    of color rightly doubt whether Miscegenation will really sound the death
    knell for Racism, given the fact that five hundred years of Race mixing on
    this continent and others hasn’t achieved that goal yet.

    #3 The Ugly Duckling- The ugly duckling is a White Woman who might
    not necessarily get billed as the ‘Ugliest Woman in the World’ at the circus
    but who doesn’t turn heads either. In White circles, that is. As soon as she
    steps out of Fortress Caucasia, she’s the belle of the ball. Men of color
    shower her with attention. In The Color Complex, a Black filmmaker
    humorously describes the allure of the ugly duckling: “Over the years a
    group of Black Boys grew up masturbating with the White Girls in
    Penthouse (adult magazine)….This caused them to go out and date
    any 250-pound greasy White Woman they could find, whose only
    redeeming quality was that they had blond hair, blue eyes, and White
    skin.” The flipside of the ugly duckling Stereotype is the implication that
    she goes out with men of color because she’s not good enough. If she were,
    she could do better (i.e., catch a White Man). Most Stereotypes are ways
    of simplifying complex behavior so that it’s easier to understand.

    Anti-miscegenists can explain away the White Woman who consorts
    with men of color by saying that she’s immoral (the slut), that she’s caught up
    in hopelessly Utopian ideals (the political activist), or that we don’t want her
    anyway (the ugly duckling). But in real life things aren’t so clear-cut. True,
    some White female partners of minority men might be seeking a Sexual
    adventure, trying to fight Racism, or turning to Inter-Racial romance for
    lack of any other choice. But most of these women have simply found the
    right person who, as one White Woman interviewed in The Color Complex
    reported, happens to be another color. As with fornication, adultery, and
    promiscuity, a double standard exists around Inter-Racial Sex. A White
    Woman involved with a man of color commits the cardinal sin of allowing
    an “Other” male to enter her vagina, whereas a White Man who sticks
    his private parts into those of non-White Women draws little criticism as
    long as his relationships don’t get too serious. White society’s outrage over
    Miscegenation has less to do with the purity of the European gene pool
    than with that of the Caucasian Female reproductive system.

    Ms. Monroy tells it like it is and it’s hard to disagree with one word.
    There’s just one more thing I’d like to add to her 3 Most Common Stereotypes.
    What I’m about to add is not a Stereotype, but more importantly, it’s the
    common bond of her 3 Most Common Stereotypes.

    #4 The Unsatisfied- The unsatisfied woman lives within each of Ms.
    Monroy’s 3 Most Common Stereotypes.

    The Slut is obviously unsatisfied and is certainly searching for
    something. A White Woman can immediately earn the title of slut for
    sleeping with one Black Man. At the same time, many promiscuous White
    Women don’t earn the title of slut for sleeping with numerous White Men.
    Is it fair to label a White Woman a slut if she’s slept with numerous White
    Men and was unsatisfied, and then strayed from her herd one time?

    The Political Activist is obviously unsatisfied and is certainly searching
    for something. There are a lot of things you can do to fight Racism and
    spreading your legs is not one of them. And just to add to Ms. Monroy’s
    comment about The Political Activist deciding to have a Bi-Racial baby.
    If the Political Activist decides to have a Black Man’s baby it has nothing
    to do with making a political statement. If the Political Activist decides to
    have a Black Man’s baby it’s because she was hooked on the pipe. I’m not
    talking about the ‘crack pipe’ either.

    The Ugly Duckling; I can’t even type that shit without laughing.
    Every Black Man knows another Black Man who has a White Woman who
    could fall into that category. That shit about masturbating to Penthouse
    Magazine is absolutely true. Penthouse, Playboy and eventually Hustler
    is what most men my age grew up with. You rarely (if ever) seen Black
    Women in those publications. The first time I saw a Black Woman in an
    adult magazine was in my Grandfather’s copy of Chunky Asses (he was
    well over the age of 70 at the time). This magazine featured Women of all
    Races, and none were less than 300 lbs. The Ugly Duckling is obviously
    unsatisfied and is also searching for something.

    You can label these women with any Stereotype you like, but the
    bottom line is, they weren’t satisfied with their herd, so they decided to
    stray. Usually satisfaction or lack thereof, plays a major role with these
    women. They are either emotionally unsatisfied, Sexually unsatisfied, or
    both. Why White Men get pissed off over this shit I’ll never know. When a
    White Woman strays from the herd, White Men have no one to blame but
    themselves. Just like Black Men have no right to complain when a beautiful,
    educated, Black Woman is in the arms of a White Man. Black Women
    routinely have to tip-toe through a minefield of Black Men. That minefield
    consists of men who are Dogs, Players, Unemployed, Incarcerated, Gay/
    on the Down Low or HIV Positive. Other ethnic groups have many of the
    same problems; it’s just magnified with Black Folks because there’s a
    growing shortage of good Black Men. Black Men who don’t fall into any
    of the above categories are considered a “Hot Commodity,” and take full
    advantage of the Clean-Cut Brother Shortage. White Guys help their cause
    by being selfish spoiled babies.

  • By JoAnna, September 28, 2008 @ 3:13 am

    It was interesting reading your post. I’ve seen instances of the stereotype, I won’t deny it. This was when I spent a year in the US (Connecticut). I’m not labeling Americans as “worse” than Canadians (ie such as myself)- what i’ve noticed is the different genetic backgrounds between Americans and Canadians: this was pretty much the only place I was around black people. Where I’m from in Canada (and to where I have returned) every now and again I’ll see black men but it’s just when I go to the city, and even then, the ratio has to be less than 1 in 100. In my home town, the is not one black person. I still grew up aware of the male gangster stereotype and big c&&k rep via TV. Somehow I though it was all BS. I guess I don’t take the media that seriously, but it would also have a lot to do with the amount of exposure I’ve had. Anyway, my concept of blacks was pretty much that they were a minority and simply because of this, they had a battle to face socioeconomically. But that was it. When I think of black men, I think of a taller person (because they were taller in CT, which is probably not the case everywhere), muscular (again, because they were, ON AVERAGE, more muscular than Caucasians), and black. Between that and the fact that they have an undeserved battle to face, I honestly don’t think I perceive anything beyond that. Do I think black men are attracted to the women in that pic? Hell no. But from what I saw, there was some truth the the 5 stereotypes you listed.
    Anyhow, I went out with Reg, a black guy when I was there and he was absolutely gorgeous. Had an English degree as well. And he was sooooo sweet. In essence, on hell of a catch. It was interesting because when I told my roommates that I was going out with a black guy, they told me I was putting myself in danger and not to go near him. I didn’t get it. It worried me a little because they all shared the same opinion and I was the only one without experience living with blacks, but I still kept seeing Reg. Well, he is a gem and they couldn’t have been more wrong. Anyhow, in short, I grew up in a pretty remote area, and while I was aware of the stereotypes, they didn’t stick. I was like any person: looking for a caring, smart, cute partner. And Reg happened to fit the category. And he was black. It didn’t go deeper than that. Don’t know what my point is- guess I just wanted to share my experience because while I did appreciate the post, it has not been my experience at all.
    By the way, I’m 5′4, 112 pounds, have an honors psychology degree, and think I’m a bit of a catch myself :)

  • By JoAnna, September 28, 2008 @ 3:39 am

    And by the way, the post above mine makes me want to cry because of the truth to it: there are few pics of black women in “men’s magazines”. This is so obviously due to stereotypes- the most attractive women are black. Five years after I moved back to Canada, I married a phenomenal white guy. But he agrees with me too (which initially hurt a bit when he agreed with my opinion, I will admit!). And it’s also true that there’s more poverty, drugs, etc in the black community. That’s also due to white racism and blacks’ internalizing the stereotypes. I’m so sad to admit that this is the case. As a woman, I get so mad when I see women in mags (women and men’s) where they are anorexic, in submissive poses, objectified in the sense that they are used for aesthetic purposes, not recognized for anything beyond their looks, and are also not represented unless they are within the top 2% of looks and under 30 (or have had enormous surgery to look under 30). Hence the vast majority of white women’s low self esteem (of normal looks, not just the ones we discriminate, above).So I can imagine that a similar experience, but compounded, would be so damaging. It hurts me to see- it must really suck to live it. All I can tell myself is that like the woman’s movement, the black movement is happening, albeit slowly. People just can’t relax, especially at the critical point where they could do, since their situation has increased enough to be tolerable (but is still undesirable).

  • By Mwangi, September 28, 2008 @ 9:56 pm

    @JoAanna: Hey,
    Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I think reactions such as your stories, combine with the various stories, insults and thanks I have had hurled my way have definitely convinced me that this is a topic area that needs its own separate place to be discussed in depth.

    One thing though stuck in my mind about your story. Your friends kept warning you about dating a black man. Few questions:
    1) A black man as in African man or African American man or Afro-latino man or all of us bunched together? And if Africans, were they talking about a specific country like Kenya, Nigeria, Ethiopia, South Africa etc etc etc?
    2) What did they think was dangerous about dating one?
    3) Had they dated one in the past?
    4) What were their races? Were they all Caucasian?

  • By Todd Wooten, October 1, 2008 @ 6:41 am

    Wonderful story JoAnna. I applaud your courage and open-mindedness. There’s a new documentary entitled “Interracial Dating in America: Uncovered” (available on Amazon.com) which covers every aspect of Black and White relationships. This documentary features the views of White Women, Black Men, White Men, and Black Women. It then takes the stereotype debate one step further by showing members of each of the groups I just listed, but with opposing views, i.e., Black Women who date interracially and why, and then Black Women who deplore interracial dating and why.

    As a nation, America has come a long way. You don’t have to look any further than the candidacy of Barack Obama to realize this, but this documentary is proof that we still have a long way to go.

    Todd Wooten
    The author of
    White Men Can’t Hump (As Good As Black Men)

  • By lovesculture, October 10, 2008 @ 1:24 pm

    Dear Mwangi,

    I just found this post tonight while trying to search for different perspectives on relationships between African men and white women. Information in detail about relationships between the two which would provide a different source of insight on the topic.
    What I was looking for and will continue to search; is for a perspective where an African man and a white woman who have made a long term relationship between the two cultures work and why. It would also be interesting to hear about why they haven’t worked/ won’t.
    The fact that humanity is divided by dynamics of gender, ethnicity/culture, experience & socioeconmics; it seems that anything is possible depending on the variables of the situation. Years ago, my best friend was in a paper marriage with a African man and I have also known persons in relationships with the unfaithful African partner. Stories from other peoples experiences which have perpetuated the negative sterotypes.
    I guess what I’m wondering is; Have you ever known anyone who has
    been in a long lasting relationship between a African man and a white woman? Is it possible? (I did read all the posts and understand that Katherine was in a relationship with a African man but for all I know she could have met him two weeks prior.) From this blog, my guess would be no. Yet, I will not assume that is the answer. Your a wonderful writer, I might add- I’ll be reading more. ;)

  • By Mwangi, October 10, 2008 @ 7:38 pm

    @lovesculture: As I said in the comments above, in my exuberance to write an article (this was one of the first articles I ever wrote and I was in a beautiful writing frenzy when I wrote my first few artcles), I forgot to make a very important caveat:

    The article above refers to two types of African people – people who are fresh off the boat either physically or still fresh off the boat mentally.

    Speaking as someone who came in my mid-teens and has seen people who have assimilated (such as some of my friends) culturally and people who have not assimilated (such as myself) into the culture of the land, the realities are entirely different.

    Because of the cultural match, there are many black men, black teens, black men who have great relationships with white women. In fact, one of my mother’s best friends has a son who has a wonderful great relationship with a white person.

    So, yes the relationships do exist, especially for people who come to the new country in their mid-teens or below, for the fresh off the boats, that’s much more tricky because:

    Forget what the hype says, to assimilate into your culture, you must discard either elements or the entirety of your previous culture

    All this stuff about preserving your old culture while assimilating for the most part is B.S. (I did say for the most part, so there are wonderful exceptions).

    Some quick meandering thoughts, hope that helps.

  • By Mwangi - the Displaced African, October 13, 2008 @ 3:27 am

    @Todd Wooten: I forgot to say welcome to tDA and thanks for the nice long comments and sharing your ideas. Hope they are of use to other readers of this article.

  • By daniel lawson, October 16, 2008 @ 9:40 am

    well my aim over here is that i need a white woman to get married with ?

  • By Mwangi, October 16, 2008 @ 11:08 am

    @daniel: If you are joking, that’s hilarious. However, if you are serious that out of all the things on this Earth you could want, your sole goal is to marry a white woman, then depending on your intention behind that, might be a good thing or might be a very sad thing. I don’t know. I would have to know more I guess………..

  • By nkosi, November 4, 2008 @ 4:20 am

    Hello Mwangi..awesome blog. like you, i used to be a Melbourne guy (for 3 yrs). i’ve just skimmed through some of the posts here, and i agree totally with regards to IR dating in Australia (it seems like we both see through the same lens). i will post my thoughts later about this, but for now, let me say that I have been to the USA via London and what i witnessed in the Northern hemisphere is different with regards to IR dating. i did not see any brothers with ‘kilogrammically’ challenged women whilst in London. I have had cousins and uncles who like me have studied outside Africa, and from their experiences and their observations whilst overseas, it seems to me like us Africans who’ve lived in Australia have gotten the short end of the straw..if you want beautiful, slim but curvaceous, educated (or at least intelligent), cultured white women, Europe seems to be the place…I’ve witnessed this myself…my cousin is now married to a beautiful Swedish woman who studied medicine with him whilst he was over in Sweden (he even speaks the language since it’s a prerequisite to study over there). from the stories of his travels to Hungray, Slovenia, Russia, Norway and other countries that are not used to black people, dating the women of your dreams is not far fetched at all!!..you don’t have to be spectacular like tiger Woods, Obama or Kofi Annan..even ordinary African guys like us can be successful if we just show a bit of courtesy, intelligence, ambition, open-mindedness, etiquette, good upbringing, etc..l8r man..rock on!

  • By Mwangi, November 4, 2008 @ 2:56 pm

    @nkosi: Thank you for coming and sharing some constructive forward moving thoughts. What you described sounds fantastic. Though you understand I must be wary of investing in fools good before I see it in my own eyes.
    After all, my libido and my ego were boosted sky high before coming to Oz and we all know how that came.
    If what you are saying is true though, there might be some archetypes in Europe worth finding, drawing out and presenting to everyone else on forums such as this one……….

  • By Jo, November 16, 2008 @ 12:26 am

    hi mwangi

    well firstly thanks for a thought provocative blog! i’m actually a white aussie woman now living in london. i worked as a teacher with adult african students for many, many years in australia & now i find myself living in london & dating an african man for the first time…so i guess i can try & see the land from both sides of the fence as it were!

    i perhaps fit one of your stereotypes in that yes i am a curvy (but not obese) woman but my kenyan partner is more than happy with that & was one of the reasons he was attracted to me in the first place. and yes, i think african men can use a lot of ’sweet’ talk…but this is ok if it’s followed up with genuine action & respect.

    i do feel that despite all the race problems in the uk, that it is more tolerant here particularly in the big cities- my partner & i can walk down the street holding hands without so much as a glance as there are many, many inter-racial couples here. australia on the other hand, whilst being a laid back relaxed place to live is i feel quite racist in many ways with lots of narrow-minded attitudes…and i say that as an australian sadly.

    i have always dated men from different cultures than my own (middle easterm croatian etc) & have friends from many different backgrounds & have lived in other cultures as well, so i’m a great believer in cross-cultural relationships & friendships as one of the ways forward to tolerance & harmony. that may sound a little idealistic i know but understanding others who are ‘different’ than us really is necessary to breakdown steroptypes & hopefully challenge racism.

    i think some of your blog statements may be right…but i also believe that there are enough people in the world enjoying successful cross-cultural/interracial relationships to ensure that there is another story to be told. :)

  • By Mwangi, November 16, 2008 @ 9:33 am

    @Jo: Hmmm, I wonder how accurate that is? I have now heard a couple of opinions about the racist mentalities of folks down here, but so far they are yet to gel with my experiences but should that change I’ll be sure to post about it.
    As I said, one of the things about my article is I attempted to diagnose a problem I saw and didn’t give any remedies or solutions – which always irks me when I don’t do that – so any alternative archetypes I am always open to hearing about and more importantly seeing and experiencing so I can record the results here.

  • By Lahna, November 23, 2008 @ 12:01 pm

    This has definatly been an interesting read…. I should mis-spell words more often in a google search……. Every one seems to have their own little opinion on this subject.. but WoW some of you have really gotten upset over this…
    I am first generation American on my father’s side(Persian) and my Mother is well.. a mutt as I put it.. lol.. blonde & her side of my family has been here for ages…… so maybe I see things a little bit differently.
    I have never particularly found only one race of men attractive, nor only one “type” of man either…… I have dated African American men, hispanic, middle eastern, native american & most any combination of “white”….. I guess I just don’t particularly understand the “taboo” thing between any combination of races… we are all human are we not?…. I have never understood why the tint of a person’s skin or where they were born had anything to do with who they choose to become as a person… I have never had the pleasure of living anywhere but North & Central America (besides when I was an infant)… but I have seen a lot of these characteristics that you have blogged about….. the first frican american boy I ever dated the only main problems that we had was thoes given to us both by african american females….. when I went to meet his family I discovered that both of his siblings were also in relationships with caucasions….. ok… I’ve just let this comment turn into a rant so I will finish for now ;-)

  • By Mwangi, November 23, 2008 @ 7:52 pm

    @Lahna: Thank you for stopping by and sharing your opinion. I have probably mentioned this in the comments above, but the reason that “race” is so important is because it isn’t just about the color of one’s skin.
    I have also mentioned this in some post, but most African people before they arrive in a Western country don’t think of themselves as “black” or “African” and don’t ever bother thinking about how this makes them different from other people.
    The moment you arrive in the West you fully realize that there is this race of black people, that has its own history (slavery, colonization, oppression, decolonization, civil rights), culture ( familiarity with poverty, women having issues over their hair, light skinned black people being perceived differently from white skinned) and importantly that people react to you differently because of this race and have certain expectations of you.
    Much more important, in my opinion, in a country like Australia is the culture you adopt. Here in Australia the lifestyles of a fresh off the boat (FOB) African is extremely different from an African who grew up here or came here when young and is equally as different to an African American’s and all this affects the type of people you tend to attract.
    The article above mainly refers to African FOBs and to be honest, in my observation, hardly if ever applies to African Americans or Africans who grew up here………..

  • By Lahna, November 24, 2008 @ 3:58 am

    Thank you for your response! So from what you have said it’s really not abour race at all it has to do with the heritige of the people. I have studied culteral anthropology & it makes sense that the culture that some one was raised in would have a lot to do with these factos rather than the tint or he of their skin. Different cultures have very different ways of veiwing & seeing the world we all live in.

  • By Mwangi, November 24, 2008 @ 4:13 am

    @Lahna: Yup, if by heritage you are referring to a culture and all that encompasses definitely.
    In fact, to make a somewhat controversial statement, I would even go so far as to say that race and race issues have never been about the tint of one’s skin but have always been more about culture in that it has always just been away of those in power segregating and therefore controlling people.
    If race wasn’t used, I am sure folks in power can always use something else, e.g. religion in the current world or gender etc etc etc

  • By Lahna, November 24, 2008 @ 4:17 am

    makes complete sense….. people thuought history have used religion as a way to control the people “below” them…. but that would take me off on an entirely different rant….. so I will be nice & maintain the subject of your page ;-)

  • By nkosi, November 27, 2008 @ 12:08 am

    Hi Mwangi,

    I’m back..now as a guy who lived & studied in melbourne once for a few years, i see through the same lens as you, but let me make it clear, that what i am about to write only pertains to my observations about IR dating in Australia…and no where else. I have observed that in Australia the percentage of Fresh-of-the-Boat African men dating women who look like the obese ones you posted at the top of this page is extremely high!! it is so obvious that no African who’s ever lived in Australia will disagree with you. now i think those people who are offended by your post don’t realise that you do not mention ALL types of black men..you are specifically mentioning fresh-of-the-boat Africans..who reside in Australia (i hope?!) whilst in Melbourne, i noticed that African American men (or African men who grew up in Australia) generally DO NOT date the type of women we F-O-B Africans date…they do not scrape the bottom of the barrel so to say. I’m not including myself in this, bcos the truth is i never dated any white woman in Australia although i did date IR, even though the obese and/or hideous looking white women used to flirt with me often, and like you, i actually questioned why the FOB African loves the Kilogrammically challenged white woman so much (although i have seen a few exceptions who don’t date those types of white women of course). is it bcos he feels he can’t do better? is it bcos he’s only using her? is she only with him bcos she feels rejected by the white men in her society and he’s the last resort..if that’s the case, then that says a lot about our self worth as Africans. it seems to me that decades of colonization and exploitation the African continent has been subjected to have caused us Sub Saharan Africans to collectively internalize this feeling of ‘less than,’ and this mentality only becomes obvious once we step out to the Western world…all of a sudden you start questioning yourself & thinking of yourself differently. i don’t know about you, but i started questioning my self worth when i came to Australia..which was a blessing bcos it made me soul search and made me stronger. this whole arrogance/ego thing that me and you have observed in some of our african brethren is just a facade to hide some inner insecurities and feelings of inadequacy or ‘less than’. now I’m glad Lahna mentioned that she’s half Persian bcos not all the F-O-B african men i knew who dated IR dated obese and/or ugly white women..a good number of them dated other races and/or cultures of women who did not fit any of the 5 stereotypes you mentioned. i had an rwandan friend who dated a slim, verry beautiful, soft spoken, friendly, intelligent woman whom he happened to be in college with; i knew a zimbabwean chap who was engaged to a beautiful Chilean woman; i knew a few F-O-B africans who dated Malaysian, Indian-Mauritian, Chinese, Indian-Fijian, Israeli, Vietnamese, Croatian, Turkish and a chap with another driven, corporate, well dressed, well groomed, inteligent Sri-lankan women…i totally agree with you when you mention that Sri Lankan women are stunningly beautiful and nurturing. infact, Melbourne women are beautiful period. Melbourne is one of the most multi-cultural cities in the world and it shows!..if you know wat i mean..and hence i ask you Mwangi, have you ever tried looking into potential relationships with other women either than white? infact, why don’t you do some research those Africans who date interracially, but not white..you’ll notice a huge difference…you could even blog about it..that would be interesting…one other thing i have observed, those relationships involving F-O-B African and other non white/non blak women seem to be based on love and mutual understanding and respect, not some of the dodgy issued associated with relationships between white women and black men.

    Btw, not all of us Africam men are attracted to fat women. this is a steretype that seems to be making the rounds, but i know in West Africa and many parts of Africa that may be the case, but a lot of African men (especially those from Angola, Mozambique Botswana, South Africa, Namibia, Lesotho and other countries below the equator) like ‘curvy’ women..think Beyonce, Jennifer Lopez, Meagan Good and even Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas..none of these women are fat, but they have buttocks, wide hips, narrow waists, but you can never describe them as fat, let alone obese..in Botswana, these type of women are the standard – slim with large behinds..you’re right! southern Africa is blessed with stunning women..that’s my type of woman, and i know i speak for many African men. i doubt if Somalian, Ethiopian women like fat women either.

  • By Mwangi, November 27, 2008 @ 12:58 am

    @nkosi: Thanks for sharing. You know now that you’ve mentioned it, its actually quite amazing the quality of women even FOBs get when they decide to date Indians or Sri Lankans. I can think of some women now who are drop dead gorgeous.
    I pretty much agree with you through and through. I have said it over and over in the comments thread. This article is about FOBs. These standards don’t apply for Africans who grew up here or African Americans at all, they only apply to FOBs, especially in my observation, East Africans, Southern Africans and West Africans. I don’t know that many North Africans but considering the huge Arab community don’t here, I would assume they have different standards too.
    The reason I wrote the Jungle Fever article, btw if you look its almost a year ago now, was because of how someone set me up with such high expectations which were sequentially brought down.
    If I never came with expectations, my experience of Australia would probably have been grossly different. In fact my advice would probably be, you don’t know what to expect because you never know what type of relationship (and with whom) you can get when you come down here.
    Will I write anymore about Jungle Fever or interracial dating, probably not, but I definitely want to start up an international dating blog at some point where I get view points from all races and socioeconomic immigrant backgrounds, I think that would be exciting.
    Anyway, thanks for sharing nkosi

  • By Eve, December 14, 2008 @ 12:41 pm

    This article made me sad, because it’s so true! Most women in the West suffer from low self-esteem, due to advertisements, constantly bombarding us with images of the ‘perfect woman.’ So, maybe we see men who are not part of the ‘oppressive white male system’ as more compassionate, but it doesn’t work out that way! I guess it’s just another one of our stupid romantic myths, like you can still find a ‘Mr Darcy’ in England, still!

  • By Mwangi, December 14, 2008 @ 4:22 pm

    @Eve: As unpopular as this will sound, I don’t think that Western women, or just women in general, constantly striving for a high standard of beauty (I don’t know why people say its impossible, there are people who are clearly just hot even without the makeup and the bright lights) isn’t just because of marketing.
    Its either innate or something that was conditioned into almost every culture in the world at some point for women to constantly want to be beautiful and for the most beautiful women to always be the most desirable.
    And you’re right, those who unfortunately don’t fall into the category of “beautiful”, definitely feel less than those who do and this makes them more susceptible to people who may not have the best of intentions.

  • By nkosi, December 15, 2008 @ 3:57 am

    hi Mwangi,

    just for light hearted sake, i thought i would paste a post i read on some forum ( i think it’s called sudan forums). i copied some stuff there and pasted it cos it really made me laugh – sorry i forgot the link though. anyway, the title of the post was; “The Obama Effect and how it affects the plight of fat white chicks”….

    …-”Until recently the black man in America has not had gourmet picks from the world of white girls, instead he has been restricted to a specific genre of white chics. If you are unfamiliar with the genre I speak of; take sometime in your life and travel to the great US Midwest. Once there, visit any predominantly white night club and observe how American brothas and their African counterparts are drawn to large white chics like Somali pirates are drawn to vessels.It is a phenomenon that anyone who has lived in a US college town will attest to.

    The phenomenon is obviously looked down upon by sistas and for good reason. Sistas see it as a blow to their integrity that a brotha would leave a booty-full, intelligent, God fearing and respectful black lady and opt for a white chic. Sistas will quickly brandish such a brotha with “sellout” or ‘not strong enough to handle a black woman’ label. Pundits have been drooling and raving over every move by Obama, analyzing the shit out of Hillary Clinton’s role as Secretary of State and wondering out loud how Bill Clinton can stay so close to the White House with so much free time and not stain another dress. What the pundits are missing to point out is the negative impact Obama’s success is having on fat white chics. Because of Obama, brothas are getting love from all kind of white chics including the hip ‘I could really use a meal’ kind that usually just have ‘a black friend’‘. We are talking here of Café lattes, Chihuahua in a Dolce bag type of chics. The same chics whose collection of novels just got diversified with Obama’s ‘The Audacity of Hope’ and 3N’s soon to be released ‘How to woo an Ivy League Black Man for Dummies & Blondes’.

    Those are the girls who are now dipping into the once reserved for fat white girls pool of dark knights in shining armor wielding long weapons of mass destruction. Those Obama girls are ruining a system that has not been perfect but has worked well for white fat chics. Someone needs to urge the Obama-Biden administration not to ignore the plight of the white fat chics. We need to come together and work towards an America where every girl, white or black, large and small, get their fair share of brotha love.”

    ..i laughed my a** off when i read this. when i read the hread however, some african american dude made it clear that although the predominantly fat white woman phenomenon may be the case in the midwest, in Califormnia and the west it’s not so…although i assume this story was meant as a joke, at least it gives a brother hope that this sorry state of affairs you write about in your article will come to an end, especially when i read one of the replies (which i copied and pasted, which says , “I came from Chicago and was in Houston and went to an African Party not long ago, when all of a sudden several white girls came to the party with their African Friends. The word out was that they are looking for Black Men in the hopes of producing Barack Obama’s of the future. Specifically they were looking for Kenyans. Word is out now, Brothers are really hot these days.”

    i’ve now realised you are not the only person who talks candidly about this topic on the internet..even though this is a controversial topic that some people take the wrong way, i always find it very amusing. be well dude

  • By Mwangi, December 15, 2008 @ 4:18 am

    @nkosi: Thanks for sharing that. You know, we are yet to fully see what the effects of Obamania will be upon the psyche of four groups: African Americans, Africans, Kenyans and Jaluos and I am waiting to see just what it’ll be.
    Even I, a person who wasn’t a member of his groupie train, have had my psychology dramatically shifted by Barrack’s presidency.
    There are other people who talk about this??! I have been online full time for almost exactly a year and have never seen other folks talking about this, no wait, I have but usually its in forums, and usually its so mixed in with tongue-in-cheek, rants, unrelated rhetoric and other factors that I never know whether they are speaking truth or just spilling the contents of their rich imagination.
    That having been said, we African fellows need to step our game up too man. We can’t remain this low on the totem pole, “No we can’t”
    Be blessed too bruh

  • By lovesculture, December 15, 2008 @ 4:39 pm

    I think that its time to pass the superficial mind set of ethnicity and come to the facts that there are but two species; regarding humans. That being the man and the woman.
    How sad it is for a woman to want to create the next “obama”. (this line is directed toward nkosi)
    In reality, mentality is the determination variable coupled with the ignorance of what success is considered. Any person can achieve what they want when they strive for a goal.
    There are black men who love black women and white men who love white women; how beautiful. Yet, never forget that if a white man loves a black woman; or a white woman loves a black man; and vice versa
    those variables exist and they are a beautiful truth on their own!
    The cultural integration; no matter what the difference is a beautiful one; if one is open enough to see it!
    We have come to a point in humanity where its imperative to accept it and embrace it; Its not different than the daily meals to which we consume or the daily drink to which we imbibe!
    Love is what humanity needs, Judgement needs not to be passed.
    That may be the utopia re-stated from past unto the present but it is a truth that if embraced can bring the stability which humans need.
    Love is learned, love is earned; and we find it when we look to other directions that we may travel & its not easy.
    The way that I love African culture is the same way I love other cultures; in their faults and in their righteousness.
    Beauty has been lost because of the way things are seen; not because the beauty is not there.
    Much love and respect towards all;
    And I have to thank Mwangi for creating this forum opening the hearts and minds; creating this dialog and perspective that spans from the east to the west.

    -AnnaliseK./ Loves culture.

  • By Mwangi, December 15, 2008 @ 4:54 pm

    Well, who am I to argue with such a mellifluously written monologue, and a compliment too :P

  • By magoo, December 15, 2008 @ 9:10 pm

    was very wise 2 end up the blog with the stay away from porn phrase
    presume the porn thing is pretty involved here though im sort of positive that some ladies find tanned or dark guys basically interesting with no inferiority complex 2 relate 2 or 2 much watched porn

  • By Mwangi, December 15, 2008 @ 9:13 pm

    @magoo: I detect a dash of a condascending tone in your reply. My friend, the expression reality is stranger than fiction will take on a new light when you actually conduct an investigation into whether the insights in the post, irrespective of tone are accurate, exactly 1 year after the post was written.

    You’re right, there are women of great standing and quality who connect with fresh off the boat African men on the basis of their more intangible qualities, but these tend to be exceptions as opposed to the rule as far as my eyes can see.

  • By John Ruta, December 17, 2008 @ 1:38 am

    Man Thanx alots for this articles may God bless u coz what u ar saying is what i always see in this wetern life. i just give 200% for u reality and the way u still show things. Any where ar u from? is da kaguta’s science? think if u were in USA should be honorified by Joo Obama? how can put this in the world and try to advise our people to thinhk about future or other multiculture love? why not chenese, japan, or others? its sometime shame to be with da big mum for 50$ or school fees coz most of these men have a mental probleme after 5years of maried ! why? they ar not happy , and have to renonce for project in life! Well iam African , first of all iam not racist but have never dream to get a fat, grand mother, or drugs ladies coz they ar from westcountry i dream also to be proud of my wife i mean a beauty, with my taste no matter she’s color, weight, life or financial situation. when whyte men have to chose wifes why notr me? ar we still in 1885? anyway if oits by love i can advise any person to love and share his or her life with any kind of person but not coz of profit or weekness .

  • By Mwangi, December 17, 2008 @ 9:29 am

    @John Ruta: Thanks for the kind words and I don’t think you’ll ever find me disagree with someone who agrees with me and especially with someone who agrees that we as African immigrants should definitely step our game up and keep growing as people…

  • By Sambusa boy, January 3, 2009 @ 4:58 am

    Man Mwangi,

    You have hit it on the nail this time around. Saying that because I have noticed the exact same thing too. Lakini, lets analyze why this is so. Why is it that the western world likes to attract Africans to live there yet they have no jobs for them. Why so?

    As you may know now, the west runs on a mechanized system. It is highly automated also and uses natural resources from other countries to run this system. This system is basically operated by the women in their societies due to the rise of feminism and other such taka taka. The men are basically enslaved and work to maintain the system. Thats white men for you.

    So, why can African men only get the fat chicks and not the “hot” ones for marriage or even dating? Thats because you have to understand the real purpose why they have brought you to that country, even if you do not have enough money to pay for tuition.

    As I said before, these people have a mechanized system which they depend on. It takes in raw materials from third world country and basically chews them up. A very highly inefficient system if you ask me. Whoever designed it had no idea what they were doing. But you see, all “humans” have a desire to gain a sense of self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence. They do this by actually working with their hands to produce something of value. Something physical that is and that lasts for many generations hence the concept of generational wealth. Compare this to the job system in place which is about being a slave and being in debt. Many people retire without having paid all their debt or even saved any money. Ever wondered why there are so many elderly people in the western world living in poverty? Basically, the governments of these countries borrow money from the American financiers and their populations, read white men, have to work jobs where they are stressed out to pay back this money.

    This is the first reason why women choose to marry white men only. White men are easily made to be servile by playing on their guilt with respect to white history. They unlike you, are not unpredictable. They follow instructions easily based on a fear they have that people of colour, especially black men hate white men. Do realize that this is true because minorities have been brainwashed to believe that white men are the cause of all their problems. In reality, the real sheitani here is the white woman. She is presented as being an angel by the media but in reality is the most vilest of all the creatures on earth. White men are on a power trip because of their enslaved status and feeling powerless. Know your enemy. White men therefore believe that if they stop working the system, and it collapses, they are dead meat. Its an illusion. Men are never really vengeful, women are. Men are only vengeful as long as the person they hate is still in power. A good example is to think of all those African dictators who after having lost power are never harmed by the male population. Women on the other hand can be said to be psychotic creatures when it comes to issues of vengeance. A woman will take her hatred to the grave and teach her kids to hate what she hates.

    Having said that, you can see why you are not marriageable material. An African man would never work the system like white men do. If things become crazy, they just pack up and return to Africa. In short, you are unreliable and a system that depends on you will soon ‘thowka’. So, nobody will ever marry you because you are viewed as undependable.

    Lakini, I appear to have digressed again. As I was saying, people have a need for self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence that comes from working hard and producing something of value. If you simply sit around while others work, you start to feel really shitty. Like you are invaluable and basically a useless creature. So, what to do? How about bringing in thousands of African immigrants and letting them live in primitive and shitty conditions in your country. That way, you can automatically gain a sense of self-confidence (the Africans are powerless), a sense of self-esteem (they live in poverty) and a sense of self-worth (they are primitive Africans from deepest darkest Africa. You maybe a demonic creature, but you are still not an African).

    So, now you see whats up. Africans are basically used to make these people feel better about themselves by saying that, although i am a lazy piece of shit that does nothing but live on credit and exploit others to survive, I am still better than a primitive African from deepest darkest Africa. I may be a bad person they say, but atleast I am not God forsaken. In short, they pimp your image to make themselves feel better. Thats why the media is filled with images of starving and struggling Africans.

    Do realize that this includes black women too, who feel even shittier than everybody else. They desire desperately to get a white man to support them. If that fails, then the African man is their back up. Realize that most i.e. 99% of all women marry men they don’t love. They marry a slave and have somebody on the side for sex. Thats usually a black guy who is a stud.

    Therefore, realize that the system is messed up. Meaning this, the system is run and organized by women and if you want to know how messed up the system is, think of your average Aussie woman or just any woman in Oz. They tell you that the system is fair, uncorrupt, efficient etc. Lakini, anyone who has ever known a western woman knows that they are liars, corrupt, gossipers and just plain down filthy ho’s. Thats the system in the western world. Their democracy is an ideal one only on TV.

    So, you can see your purpose in that country. They basically pimp the African image to make themselves feel better. Thats why they hate to see a rich African. They wonder where you got the money since you are not supposed to be rich. You should be living in a mud hut. They wonder if you are the child of a corrupt politician. They also hate to see good looking Africans according to how they define good looking. They start claiming that you are mixed with white blood. Finally, they hate to see a cocky and confident African. Especially one that is happy. Don’t believe me? Simply walk down the streets of any city in Oz with a big smile and see how people react with anger.

    So, this is very much a psychological war. You have to know how to play it. Problem with many Africans is that they spend their time in the west thinking about how whites view them and trying to accommodate themselves to fit in accordance with how they believe white people want them to behave. In reality, they should be studying the white man and especially his history. Get to know who the white man really is. Realize that there are many types of whites. This is something people never think about. They have been lied to, to believe that all whites are the same and that whites no longer view themselves via ethnic and tribal labels. Very wrong. Whites in general can be divided into three races i.e. Western European, Central European and Eastern European. Within these races are different ethnicities such as saxon, norman, germanic, german, brit, briton, uralic etc. Do not for one minute believe that the white is one and united. They are very divided and do not want you to know. The weakness of the white man is that he hates other whites even more than he hates you. For instance, in France, the worst thing you can do is be British. They hate British people there more than they hate any other ethnicity. In the UK, the worst thing you can be is Irish. They hate the Irish even more than the blacks. In Sweden, they hate the germanics. In Finland, they hate the Russians. Realize this has been the cause of gazillion of wars in recent European history. Including the two major world wars. This is not true of the white woman who hates you more than she hates any white. Thats why white people appear to be united. The white women rule and concentrate on hating minorities. Realize though that not all white people are evil. Some are very civillized and very intelligent. Others are as dumb as hay. The whites you find in Oz are mainly known as the Britons. In general, they are nyangaus and not the most intelligent of the whites. Meaning, you are more intelligent than they are. Remember, those people are descendants of prison convicts i.e. murders, rapists etc kicked out of Europe. Don’t expect them to be very civillized. Its in their genes to be nyangaus. In America, a country people believe is very racist, there are two whites. The native white that has been there from the 1700’s and another white that is a recent immigrant who came in after WWII. It is the latter whites, mostly from Eastern and Central Europe who are very racist. Know your whites. The former i.e. the natives, are nationalists. They believe that America should be about American ideals and only American ideals. It is they who put Obama into power.

    So, study the white man and learn his ways.

    Yet again, back to the storo.

    This is a psychological war you are fighting and therefore, you have to find a way to make sure that people do not see you as being pitiful. Meaning, you have to find a sense of self-worth, self-confidence and self-esteem. How does one do this. Basically by changing their identity.

    Self-worth: You have to make sure that they feel inferior to you. How? By identifying with something more powerful than they are. In your case, this means identifying with America. Let that be your identity while there. One way is via language. Speak American english. There are books that can show you how. Yet again, realize that Kenyan english, or should I say Kikuyu English, is very similar to American english and all you have to do is make some changes here and there. Identify also with American symbols e.g. walk down the streets with a white t-shirt with the American flag printed on it. Simple things like that. Do this because you will notice that many whites in Oz will start behaving in an obnoxious manner. Having lost their symbol of western power i.e. America, they will take it out on any immigrant by trying to bully you. Speak american, dress american.

    Self-esteem: This is all about whether you are a good person. You find that good people have a sense of style with them. Real style. Not ati about putting on the latest fashion. This means changing your personality and becoming a ’smoothe’ person. For you, I would suggest getting acquainted with swahili culture. You know how Swahilis have a good sense of style from the way they talk smoothly and even walk so. Basically, its becoming stylistic like a jazz musician. A smooth operator. So, listen to some Jazz to get style. Wachana with the hip hop style. Its for the ignorants and thats how they want you to behave. They never want you to waken up. On the other hand, people with the Jazz style are seen as being sophisticated, smooth and intelligent. Even if they are not. The power of perception. Meaning, if you ‘act’ as though you are intelligent but know nothing, those people will treat you as being intelligent. This is womans greatest weakness. She cannot perceive whether someone is putting on an act or not easily unlike men. People who are good at putting on acts are known as players. Even if you are kamatwad, keep on acting. If you do, they believe they are mistaken and bad people. they start feeling guilty. Therefore change your dressing style. No more hip hop gear. Try this also at a job interview. You will also notice that many whites in Oz will start acting in an irritating manner. They will try to mess up your style by irritating you with their behaviour. Act smooth like a swahili/jazzman would. Keyword here is ‘act’. They cannot tell when you are putting on an act or not.

    Self-confidence: This basically means walking around confidently. Be like a makanga. Meaning be cheerful. Ever noticed that although many Makangas may be stressed at jobo or occassionally in life, they are always cheerful and always telling jokes. You will notice that many whites in Oz will attempt to annoy you by doing annoying things basically to make you angry. Remain cheerful and even crack a joke at their expense.

    Someone may probably think that its better to tow the line and behave as they do ama they will deport me etc. It won’t happen. Ever wondered why there appears to be a discrepancy in immigration in the West. Very many people speaking against it yet they still let more people in? One realizes that the people against immigration are white men. Thats because they are the ones working the system while supporting everybody else. Including illegal immigrants. It is they who hate immigrants to the core, especially those they view as being lazy. Yet again, there are still many immigrants. Thats because the system is run by the women and it is they who let in these immigrants in large numbers. Realize that they do this for two reasons and each reason is based on the type of immigrant you find in the west. For “black people”, there are two types of them,

    1. The African
    2. The black

    What is the difference you ask? The African is the one with negroid features like you. The black is the one with caucosoid features like some kalenjins. The African has been brought in to let these people gain a sense of self-worth, self-confidence and self-esteem. White men gain self-worth from the African by reasoning that I may be a slave, but i am not a primitive.

    The black has been brought in mainly for violence issues. White women use the black to keep the white man in check. If white men misbehave, they either call the cops, or the black. They also use the black for sexual purposes. So, when people say that not all “black” men are dating vimamas, they are speaking of the black.

    As I said above, change your identity. This is true even when it comes to dealing with other Kenyans. Identify either as a Kikuyu or a Swahili. Especially to those nilotic Kalenjins who feel because they are more accepted in that society than you are, they are superior. Remind them that they may have some power there, but you have the power where it really matters. Na hiyo, hatupotezi tena.

    Make the above changes. Thats a fear many African men have. That they will be deported if they start acting like an “uppity nigger”. Key here is to act smooth and stylistic and not like an uppity nigger. In fact, you may realize that many whites may start viewing the hip hop identity as being uppity. Another reason to change it. What they will do instead is try to break you down. In short, you are more likely to be deported if you behave like a servile primitive African than if you don’t. If you do, it means they have broken your spirit and will now seek to deport you. If you don’t they will spend the rest of their lives attempting to do so. Don’t ever let them break you. Even if you have nothing, walk down the streets with style and a smile. Remember, kuna mungu hii dunia, and he only helps those who help themselves. Its all about the ‘audacity of hope’.

    Having said all that, realize that things have changed on the dating scene. More white women will now approach African men due to Obama. Watch for that, and then lenga them like a bad pineapple. Unasugua alafu unatupa mbali sana. Don’t ever marry any of those msungu women in Oz. They are the most useless creatures ever.

  • By hawaiitalent, January 4, 2009 @ 4:12 pm

    This little commentary is really sweet, and very well thought out, but you left one thing out. What about love? It is a universal principle that opposites attract, and occasionally fall in love and make happy families. It is up to the individuals and to their values and upbringing.

    I’ve known some beautiful interracial couples. Look at Heidi Klum and Seal. It may start out with the lust and the fantasy, but with two good souls, it can end up in love and devotion.

    I’m a die-hard romantic.

  • By Mwangi, January 5, 2009 @ 4:44 pm

    @Sambusa Boy: I am definitely waiting to see the post Obama effect on the dating scene.

  • By Jo, January 5, 2009 @ 8:19 pm

    hi there

    well…i’m actually one of the msungu women from Oz (although currently living in London) referred to by Sambusa Boy & sorry but i find these comments somewhat insulting & not very helpful in moving things forward. i am in a committed, loving relationship with a Kenyan man & also have many african friends who i made when i was a teacher in australia.

    while i don’t disagree that racism blatantly exists in Oz (& which I mentioned in a previous post) – & not just towards African migrants – i have always believed that genuine, loving cross-cultural relationships can & do work.

    surely, in this world of conflict we need to start to find ways that people can connect meaningfully whether through friendships, relationships etc across the divide of culture, colour, age, gender…whatever.

    call me a blind optimist if you will but i cannot give up the hope that this is possible in our lives…otherwise what’s the point of it all?


  • By nkosi, January 8, 2009 @ 10:10 am

    They say the first step to overcoming a problem is acknowledging it. and i am glad that Mwangi and most, if not all the african men on this blog have acknowledged that there is problem in the interracial dating scene as Mwangi has outlined above (although i find Sambusa somewhat extreme in some of his views). having lived in melbourne for 3 years, i noted that this problem exists only when we fresh-of-the-boat Africans date white women, and not women of other races…these black men/white women relationships i believe are a reflection of how we african men see ourselves..as far as the human deep soul level is concerned, this whole thing of opposites attracting is crap..like attracts like..you attract someone to you who has more or less the same level of self confidence/self esteem/self worth, or inversely toxic shame as you do, so if we black men are dating large numbers of white women with self esteem issues who can’t get a man within their own race (and from what me and Mwangi have observed, these white women make up most of the white women that we Africans are dating), that my friends, is a sad state of affairs bcos it shows that us ‘brother’s need to work on our self image and stop ‘fronting’ and acting all arrogant sometimes to cover up our deep feelings of inadequacy…Mwangi, as you’ve noted i’ve also seen some of my fellow africans behave all arrogantly as if the world cannot touch them in my time in Oz..

    ..but of course most African men date women similar to the 3 pictured above out of mutual attraction and love with no strings attached…NOT!! to giv an example, i personally knew 4 chaps In Melbourne, 2 Southern African and 2 West African who were dating white Australian women. all these women looked just like the 3 ‘beach whales’ photographed above. the guy from Botswana brought his new ’squeeze’ to the club one time, when a couple of fellas, including myself couldn’t hide our surprise (bcos this fella told us prior to that he could get any women he wanted) this guy told us, “i haven’t had some action in a while..what is a brother to do?” he made it very clear how desperate he was to get laid!.and it showed in his behaviour. women can smell a desperate man from far, and the lady we were with exclaimed, “this dude looks like he could sleep with a woolly mammoth if the only addition made to it were sexy eye-lashes” lol! the 2nd guy from Zimbabwe is one of those brothers who is dumbed down by the whole plastic rap culture…everything from the way he walks, dresses and talks to his name. he calls himself pimp-C (after the rapper). anyway, he once walked into a fast food joint with chain hangin low, baseball cap tilted to the side and talkin all that ghetto slang about being on this ‘pimp-tip’; then guess what walked in behind him… some rolly polly freckled michelin man lookin broad with saggy breats resting on her gut, and rockin’ these booty shorts with a wide, pancake buttocks & hair looking all frumpy and a beer belly to boot…….*shudders in disgust* How on earth is that pimpin?! lol. this guy dated this girl for a while and when questioned about it he always used to say (in typical pimp lingo) “fat bitches need love too.” now since when did it become the responsibilty of the african male to make sure all women get the loving they need?! now these 2 southern African chaps had loads of arrogance and were attention seekers, but the proof is always in the pudding, and when i saw what that pudding really was (fat, ugly white women) i realised these brothers use arrogance to cover up deep seated insecurities and feelings of inadequacy/not good enough..now as for the West African chaps (whom i met a ugandan colleague bbq), the 1st one was married to a unattractive and fat white girl who happened to come from a pretty rich family, so she showered him with the basic necessities and luxuries he didn’t have back home. she kept him like a dog on a leash though and didn’t allow even friends to visit, and she wasn’t a nice person either..hardly ever smiled. he was unhappy and even lost lots of weight while she gained but he married her for the Australian permanent residency and he struck through the ordeal and after 2 yrs of marriage, he got it and left her sooner than you could say……anyway, he remarried an educated women of Italian heritage with above average intelligence and looks but who was also from a rich family. this new woman was his mistress during his time with his old wife, and she’s the only thing that kept him sane during those trying times when he wanted to leave his wife but couldn’t out of desperation, so you can imagine how much he cherishes her. the other West African dude, a Nigerian, told me matter of factly that he’s only married to his current wife because he wants that Australian permanent residency (he has wife and kids at home you see), and he told me that lots of other Nigerians all over the world were doing the same thing..going after fat, ugly white women to use them for their permanent Visas to their host country cue paper marriages. he told me that the reason they choose fat, ugly white women and not even the average looking ones is because these women won’t leave you even if you don’t treat them right all the time because white men don’t want them, and they’ll even provide food, accommodation etc while with you. i can only imagine the heartbreak these women go through once these men up and leave after lying to them, and i feel sorry for them, but these examples underlie the fact that when you see a fresh-of-the-boat african man walking down the street and an unattractive, obese white woman next to him, then the reasons for this union are hardly ever bcos of mutual love & attraction with no strings attached..as John Ruta so aptly put it “anyway if oits (sic) by love i can advise any person to love and share his or her life with any kind of person but not coz of profit or weekness (sic)” – these black/men white women relationships are usually made from a position of weakness and desperation and/or mutual lack of self worth..there’s usually a primary need and/or secondary benefit being fulfilled here, and this reflects that state of affairs that africa as a continent is in today. i’ll explain in my next post.

    the 4 guys i’ve written about above were not with the type of white women they had envisioned in their minds dating (i know this bcos i got to know all of them well enough to know their tastes in women). aleast the West African chaps were honest about dating scraps whilst the 2 southern African chaps merely surrendered and rendered themselves unable to get the type of white women they envisioned in their minds, so they settled for less (i know how ironic that sounds) this is the unfortunate stance on African male/ white female relationships today, and before anyone responds to this, i want y’all to know that Mwangi and I are referring to black men/white women relationships in AUSTRALIA…i have’t observed enough of the U.K and U.S.A interracial dating scene to make a comment, but as for my fresh-of-the-boat African brotehrs in Australia. most of them are definitely settling for scraps, and that’s an unfortunate reflection of their self worth.

  • By Mwangi, January 8, 2009 @ 5:21 pm

    @all: After reading nkosi’s comment – thanks for writing one based on experience and observation and not reflection or abstract thinking my friend, much appreciated – let me remind folks that the best type of comments will always be comments based on experience or real word observations and not the abstract.

    If you read nkosi’s comment and my post one thing that becomes quite clear is prior to encountering the reality here abroad, a lot of Africans probably genuinely think they can score themselves a Jessica Alba or Jennifer Hawkins lookalike when down here; but to this day, I must say I’ve only seen one or two brothers-in pictures sadly, not real life-associate with any women even remotely beautiful as per Western standards.

    And before someone asks me why am I using Western standards instead of African standards, its quite simple: the type of woman you are capable of attracting here is a clear reflection of your perceived value in the society.
    If you can attract Ms. Hawkins lookalikes you clearly have a great deal of social value.
    If all you can attract is someone who looks like a beached whale who has been rejected by her own countrymen; then fill in the blanks however painful they might be.

    If we want our dignity and to sit on the table abroad as equals step 1 is accepting where we are, step 2 is deciding on where we wanna be ( sadly this hasn’t happened much in the comments thread) and step 3 is working to get there.

    Have an awesome 2009 and thanks for making this post a classic y’all.

  • By slim, beautiful &intelligent, January 18, 2009 @ 11:52 pm

    I was chased by a man from Cameroon, who espoused these very thoughts you have written here. I loved his intellectualising.. but the red flags starting to surface when he asked to borrow money, sick mum, etc.. he is in Madagascar now, visiting his child..and all other women his flat mate tells me.. His falt mate is 20 years older, she was his girlfriend, and she stupidly persists in trying o get him to marry her, even though he was dating me.. this is all very pathetic.. i even talked to him about african men who take advantage of western women.. so wow.. i believe your article is true of some african men.. such a shame.. and this is all happening right now for me.. its crazy.. and i am not any of your 5 points above..

  • By Mwangi, January 19, 2009 @ 12:00 am

    @slim: I find it quite interesting that that reaction- of white women telling me that they don’t fall into any of the categories- is much more consistent than African men stopping by to tell me the same.

    Apologies about your situation, I briefly touched on this in this article ( http://www.thedisplacedafrican.com/1019/what-are-marriages-for-papers-aka-paper-marriages/ ) and hopefully other comments from women in your situation above will help: sadly a number of African men can be quite callous in the pursuit of what they want from women.

  • By slim, beautiful& intelligent, January 19, 2009 @ 12:28 am

    yes, i have gussed as much .. the woman is 50 plus.. and she still believes he loves her.. its crazy.. so what does one do? i so want to get in touch with him and truly.. give itto him.. it annoys me that pathetic men exist.. it is so wrong, that he pokes himself into people’s lives as he has..
    i work with the UN. i have a doctorate .,i downplayed my assets, my education, and much about me to him.. as the red flags were waving bolding…, i have no shortage of beautiful people in my life. i sure as hell have no idea why i let him into my life… oh…another descriptor … he never has money. as he is always sending to pay for his mother;s medication.. im just so glad, i didnt pay his way etc..
    i find it pathetic he is milking australia’s women and economy for his liaisons in madagascar…

  • By Mwangi, January 19, 2009 @ 1:24 am

    @slim: One very beautiful thing about us though, that I have always deeply admired, is how we support our people back home. The fact that he’s supporting his mum and an entire family at home, that’s pretty typical too.

  • By slim, beautiful& intelligent, January 19, 2009 @ 4:11 am

    the ethics are wrong,, i dont call hat beuiful.. i call it theft, i call it crime.. when he takes fom others, steals literally, lies,,, it is not beautiful..he is supporting a wife, a girlfriend and perhaps the mother as such does not exist… i would be happy to arrange hsi loss of residency..

  • By nkosi, January 20, 2009 @ 10:51 am

    @Mwangi, i also find it interesting that so many white women are denying belonging to any of the above categories. slim, beautiful and intelligent’s stories outline the main foundation that these relationships are based on…NEED, DESPERATION & WEAKNESS..remember that bible verse about building a house on sand..it’s a faulty foundation. on one hand you have an F-O-B African male who needs money to survive, food, accommodation, a residence permit/Visa (cos nowhere in hell is he going back to the desperate situation in his home country) and then you have the white female, usually obese and ugly who’s in desperate need of love, acknowledgement, attention, sex (and to test the theory of the black d***), to be made to feel like a goddess, etc. one’s need is mainly material while the other’s need is mainly emotional/psychological..they both see each other as easy targets, because black men believe any fat, ugly white woman with low self esteem will perform every trick under the sun to keep him by her side..especially since most of these black men are aware that 99% of white men dont want these women, and so she’ll hold onto the man she has; not really out of love (although she’d like to believe it is), but desperation and insecurity i.e. emotional attachment. ppl need to realise that there’s a difference between emotional attachment and love

    with regards to the white female, she believes that every african male is attracted to her. she has heard, somewhere, some time ago that african males love fat women, especially fat white women. she has the distinct impression that an african male will react totally differently than a white male would to a 300 pound woman. since she usually carries an conscious or most likely, an unconscious belief in being ‘better than’ simply cos she’s white, it doesn’t matter if she looks like a hyaena or weighs as much as a baby elephant..she still sees herself as attactive to even the most handsome and tallest of african men..I KNOW THIS!! obese, unattractive white women have approached me with the confidence and cockiness you’d expect only from the likes of Beyonce and Jessica Alba.This has happened to me on numerous occassions in melbourne..even when i was with my girlfriend…this belief is further strenghthened by the fact that indeed, a lot of african men are seen in the public eye with fat, ugly white women, so the evidence strengthens the belief even further and this becomes a self re-inforcing cycle..what then happens is that fat, ugly white women from all over the planet transmit this belief a la the ‘100th monkey syndrome’ (read about this phenomenon if you don’t know what i’m talking about) and behave according to type.

    ..as for the F-O-B african male, he believes that every white female outside of Africa is wants him…and wants him bad. he has heard somewhere, some time ago, that white women want to sleep with black men bcos they supposedly have big d****s. this whole ‘mandingo fantasy’ phenomenon becomes a boost to his ego, bcos he now believes he can get every beautiful white women he can get his hands on..however, there is this nagging feeling in the back of his mind that these women only want to use him for sex i.e. they don’t like him for him, but only bcos he is black and has a long ding-dong..he is like an object to them. this isn’t too much of a problem bcos many men have fantasies of being sexual objects to the likes of Pamela Anderson, Fergie, Anastacia, Jessica Alba, jessica Biel, etc. it’s only when he comes to Australia that reality dawns on him. he discovers that indeed there are women that want to get into bed with him, and that there are women who love him merely bcos he’s black..he’s some kind of fad or new toy for them…but these women are by and large, very fat and ugly (okay, i’ll admit a few are slim, but they still have a dog face). this comes as a huge disappointment for the man, but he still settles for less bcos another belief this man had prior to his experiences with white women is that white Western women will do anything for their black man…but he discovers that in a insiduous sort of way, this is more like a trap..i’ve heard it being called the ‘fat white girl trap.’ these white females know deep down inside their new catch will not stay with them based on her personality or looks, or even how good she is in bed, so she devises other means to hold onto him for dear life..in comes money, clothing, free food accommodation, etc. the man settles into a comfort zone, and he figures that maybe he could milk the poor woman for what it’s worth because as far as he is concerned, they are both USING EACH OTHER!!! the white female eventually manages to delude herself (which is something that is quite common with women in general..but that is a topic for another day) that he loves her and therefore they love each other..if she’s honest with herself, she will remember that her initial attraction to him was based on Need, desperation and weakness (& a passing fad) more than anything else..love especially..and in no time the relationship crumbles once one of them gets what they want and is satisfied (usually the male) and “another one bites the dust.” as numerous as these relationships are, they hardly ever last, and those that do tend to be unhappy unions simply because no african male would stay too long with the type of women i’ve decribed based on his love and respect for her alone..PLEEEEASE!!! i would like to believe that most african men have pretty high or at least decent standards in choosing their mates, even though what i’ve observed with regards to white women/black men relationships leads me to believe the contrary.

    like i said before, this state of affairs is NOT rampant when african males choose to date interacially, but to non-white women. I will give the example of my 2 african chaps i knew who were each dating beautiful (one of them stunningly so) Sri Lankan women whilst i was in Australia. i never quite understood why we african males will drastically lower our standards when dating white women as opposed to all other women..but now i’ve realised that the white female/black male relationship dynamic is just as drastically different to a relationship consisting of a black men with any other type of woman

    i just feel it’s nice to talk about these things, bcos these relationships tend to reflect badly on us african men, and sometimes the best way to change something is to first recognise the problem and it’s root cause by talking about it.

  • By Mwangi, January 20, 2009 @ 4:33 pm

    @nkosi: How we manage to get gorgeous women from the sub-continent is probably something worthy of studying. I, coming from a place where the divide between Indians and Africans was so large have been so pleasantly surprised by the relationships we have with Indian and especially Sri Lankan people here in Australia.

  • By nkosi, January 21, 2009 @ 7:55 am

    tru dat my brother tru dat. i think the only african country i’ve been to where the indian/black relations are all good is South Africa. indians and black people by and large get along there..in that i mean, they undersatnd each other quite well. infact, on 2 occasions i have been invited to indian get-togethers where i promise i was the only black guy there..and i never felt out of place, which i think would be impossible in any other african country. of course marrying an indian woman if you are black in South Africa is pretty difficult (although easier than in other african countries i’ve visited) because the indian community tends to be quite conservative, but nevertheless friendly…one of the indian chaps i met there in south africa told me that south african indians don’t really click or hang out with indians from the rest of the continent cos their mentality is a bit too different to theirs. u’d understand this point if you spent enough time around them..they are just different, but i don’t mean this in a bad way. as for the sri lankan community in Australia, i was close to these 2 sri lankan chaps and to be honest i felt just as comfortable around them as i was around my closest african friends. perhaps this is bcos they saw themselves in me..they considered themselves black (they really did), so as far as they were concerned i was their ‘brother.’ i still don’t know why i never made a pass at any of their women bcos on several occassions opportunities did arise. on the 2 occassions i did act, i messed up, & i now regret it..i really do. i was introduced to some sri lankan women who were quite easily wife material!! everything you’d ever want in a woman, they had..everything! but for some reason i’ll never understand, i grew cold feet on all those occassions. i really messed up big time there! perhaps i had feelings of not deserving since it was too good to be true, and i’ll admit i felt somewhat intimidated. both these are self worth issues (i’ll write more about africans, the african state of affairs and self worth in my next post)…to be honest, i don’t know if i’d be able to handle a woman as hot as Jessica Alba if they gave her to me on a silver plate. a man has to have a certain level of self confidence and a bit of cockiness (which is a component of self confidence) to handle such beauties right?! i think my self confidence would let me down in such an instance bcos it did when i was hooked up with this sri lankan girl that i rate as easily one of the top 10 most beautiful and sexy women i’ve ever laid my eyes on. the fact that she was so open minded, down to earth and knowledgeable and showed keen interest in me and what i had to say, gave me even colder feet, and so i screwed up. i have done some soul searching and worked on my self confidence issues ever since (which helped me obtain my mixed islander girlfriend), cos they were exposed in those crucial moments but i will never, ever, ever stoop as low as the level of some of our african men who chose to go the white female route, no matter how long i’ve been single.

    one factor i think may be overlooked is that generally, white women tend to come from liberal backgrounds, while other non-white women tend to come from communities which are to different degrees, conservative..this means the potential problems and obstacles you may encounter dating an arab women for instance will not occur if you date a white Aussie woman e.g. you don’t worry about her father & brothers coming with a shotgun to shoot you, or whether she is allowed to have sex before marriage and how often, or whether you have to convert to be more in line with her religious beliefs, or whether you have to stop drinking and smoking because that is seen as an abomination in her community, etc. you start worrying about how you r behaviours may unintentionally offend your partner or visa versa. i knew a guy who had only dated black and white women prior to his relationship with this persian girl, and there was a slight problem in their relationship that nevertheless irked him, especially since he was encountering it for the first time…she refused to give him blowjobs..it was totally against her culture and she found it disgusting, but oral sex is something he took for granted prior to this. there are potential cultural clashes you may encounter that i think puts-off african men somewhat about dating non-white women, so they just go for the liberal free spirited women where pretty much everything and anything goes hence lessening any potential tension in the relationship. also when you date non-white women, you tend to be in it for the long haul..that’s what the girl usually expects of you, whereas sometimes white women just want a short term fling. some men consider long term commitment to a like a prison sentence

  • By Mwangi, January 21, 2009 @ 8:01 am

    @nkosi: You know I messed up with a Sri Lankan 10 once too, maybe we are talking about the same girl. To be honest I would actually be quite curious to see how many of us would handle dating a Jessica Alba or that Sri Lankan 10 – though straight up beauty aside, some of them are just way too comfortable and cool to hang out with.

    The funny thing about an African, its kind of an advantage of ours, is regardless of our lot in life our default mode is arrogance and our psychology will bend and shape to fit that whether through delusion, deletion etc etc

  • By Joanne, January 21, 2009 @ 8:23 am

    well to be honest, i feel so depressed reading all of this, i feel like throwing myself under the nearest bus!

    when i first came to this site i was hoping to find a way of talking about being a white woman (yes, i’m australian…no i’m not stupid or a beached whale) who is in a relationship with an african man. but all i hear is how FOB (although i really don’t like that term!) african men are dating supposedly horrendous white aussie women for visas, money & an easy ride…how depressing!

    but although this may be the case in some instances, i feel this forum is in danger of massive stereotyping & thereby losing out on a fantastic opportunity to have a REAL discussion about intercultural relationships.

    i taught adult african men for many years when i lived in Oz – none of them needed to have a relationship with a white woman for a visa as they all had PR visas. all of them worked part-time while they studied & most were planning to go on to uni to get better quals & a better life. they all had good self esteem & i never saw any of them in the dysfunctional relationships described here. in contrast i saw many happy & loving parternships between white aust. women & african men some of which led to marriage & having a children together.

    so, please before i abandon this forum forever…can’t we hear about some of the positive & successful relationships that DO work? intercultural relationships between people of any background have their difficulties but they can also be very rich, rewarding & loving.



  • By Mwangi, January 21, 2009 @ 8:28 am

    @Joanne: Some women have come forth with some great stories in the past 110+ comments. Some men have told of great relationships in Scandinavian countries. However by and large it appears African men either agree with me, ignore this article or dismiss it.
    To be clear, I think this article clearly expresses where many FOB Africans are. What I think we’ve had nearly enough of is where we wanna bes, people who are where we would wanna be and how we’d get there.
    If this article depresses you, think about what it must be like for a FOB African to read this and live it.
    Anyway I’m rambling: thanks for stopping by and thanks for the comment.

  • By slim, beautiful &intelligent, January 21, 2009 @ 8:45 pm

    Not all men of African origin fit the negative profile, however, it is those negative men who do fit this profile, who ride on the good functional african men in our society. In the case of many men from third world countires or men who are merely surviving a western culture after rising in whatever way from poverty, it is they who truly can be given academy awards. They take on the TV persona of a man who pretends he works or studies or lives a fuctional life, when in fact, as one african man said to me, the only way many of his peers survive is by having sex, it’s the cheapest pasttime. And wow, if a woman can be manipulated in turn, it makes for an even greater catch, especially in being able to support family back at home.
    Your comments are valid – vaild for any community of people under attack for whatever reason, the middle easterns, muslims, jews, etc..

    the fact is, why ought australian women suppress accounts of real experiences, experiences of men who have been abusing their lives, families and bank books, if the women have been that gullible – guess what, there are very subtle ways in which this negative african obtains your finiances, even when you are accomplished, sexy as, slim, beautiful, intelligent. The irony is, and i fit the opposite of the criteria above, i work in a powerful position which helps nations, empowers the weak, and if thsi african had chosen nopt to be the ass he is, he could have had it all.. if his love was authetic, instead, i be happy to report him and have him deported.. whay ruin other people’s lives and tar the goodness of good african men.

  • By slim, beautiful &intelligent, January 21, 2009 @ 9:09 pm

    Hi nkosi,
    Let me clarify. The black guy i dated, he pursued me for months. I say that, as I was not in any situation as you describe above. I do not have issues with dating men, commitment or the like. I am slim, beautiful and intelligent.
    He lives in a city apartment. By all means, a sound address. I live in comfortable circumstances also. He shares with a much older woman, so far that was okay, given he was studying and working in Australia. He sounded quite intelligent.
    I can go on..
    He also held a night job, of which I attended in his supposed dinner breaks, only to see that he made an appearance and then disappeared. he earned the week’s salary for appearing for at most 30 mins out of a possible 8 hour shift! He then had an ill mother, his funds were assisting her hospital bills, i then found out his flat mate loathed him with me, and since discovered, yes, she fits the old, lonely, woman described above. She has funded him for the past 6 years, and he has been busy dating and sending money abroad.
    He in fact was not studying at all during the day – he lied to appeal to social situations with people. He has never paid rent. he gets money to send abroad, he then returns home to a wife? I dont know, as I have just found out these quirky salient points.
    I have held back, I have held back, especially when he insisted that in relationships, we help each other out – he asked for money. YOu know, you just dont do that qwhen you meet a girl and you are dating.
    i dont knwo what to believe at present – as the old, fat lady is insisting that when he has been dating me, he has also been sleeping with her – unprotected! Yikes and shite.. these are the tidbitsi have found out this week. And of course, she sent him an email telling him – I told her everything.
    What can i say, except, i have yet to hear from him.
    it is not right, nkosi, you have simply made a judgement about me, as you opt to stand by a brother, you have not possible realised that thsi brother, may well be an arsehole. and if your gift is writing in an articulate way – i am not wishing to compete with you here, as i am not the writer, i am merely standing in solidarity with woman who do not fit the low self esteem,, desperation and dysfunctional descriptors of above. Some of us women, in all we do, may well just allow a person that blank canvas, and wish to journey with them. when it becomes marred with negativity, covered with many red flags, perhaps we stand back and rather than be a victim we express our pissed off concerns, we allow others to hear our account, as it validates that learning that has just taken place. i have many black friends, who support the concern, many black men who are embarrassed by dysfucntional black men in Australia. The population of africanmen in Australia is noticeably less than most other countries. and even in a city such as sydney, it becomes apparent as to who has ethics and who lacks them.
    I appreciate that you have not been abused, i dare say, you are not protected, it can happen and does happen to the best of us!

  • By April, January 23, 2009 @ 7:25 pm

    I want to start off by saying this was very well written. I’m not going to tell you that you’re small-minded. You obviously are very observant because much of what you say, unfortunately, is true in many cases. If it were not then such an observation wouldn’t strike other people so poignantly, no matter what their opinion of it or which side of the spectrum they reside on. The problem is that there are so many men fully willing to take advantage of these brands of weakness in a woman. I am a white woman and I am overweight. And I would never allow myself to date a black man strictly -because of- the manipulations you so casually mentioned practicing. Trust is a huge issue for me and I’ve never come across an African native man that struck me as particularly trustworthy. But then perhaps that’s because I’m too intelligent to actually fall for the bullshit they try to put out. If you tell me I’m stupid you’re probably going to get slapped. Tell me I’m ugly and I’ll tell you I don’t give a freck what you think about the way I look. My point being… there are plenty of insecure women out there. In fact… all women have insecurities. But beauty and weight is just one that’s easy for a man who is driven by their reproductive apparatus to manipulate to achieve the desired end result. This behavior is reprehensible, of course, as would any behavior I deployed in an attempt to play off of your own emotional weaknesses to further my own ends. Failures, weaknesses, and insecurities are a fact of life as humans. What separates the good men from the pigs are the reasoning abilities that deem it immoral in one’s eyes to knowingly and callously hurt another individual for selfish reasons. If you’re not attracted to a big girl and you can see she’s obviously crippled by her own insecurity… leave her for the shrinks and go jerk your meat in the bathroom, man. I don’t appreciate being lumped into this stereotype just because I’m a big woman anymore than you appreciate being thrown into the stereotype that states all black men are trash. Mm? Do you? Didn’t think so.

  • By Mwangi, January 23, 2009 @ 7:42 pm

    @April: First of all thanks for visiting tDA. This will probably be one of the less diplomatic replies that I write but as I wind into 2009, my mindset is definitely shifting.

    Since its the first thing I wrote I’ll address it first: As long as it doesn’t affect my quality of life in a significant way, I really don’t care if folks want to stereotype me as trash, because clearly I am not. I don’t say that with irrational arrogance, I’ve been around all races and clearly there is no superiority between them, as there are many areas we as African immigrants genuinely feel we are far ahead, which I won’t discuss here.

    However, weight on women I believe is an entirely different arena, and in fact though they don’t exactly match up, this article and the plight of African men fresh off the boat are quite similar.
    Irrespective of any intangible qualities that sadly we might bring to the table, the fact of the matter is when we go out into society for one reason or another society doesn’t want to give us its absolute best: might be a curse for some, a challenge for others or something else entirely but it feels like that correlation is probably worth exploring in depth.

    ( Btw, happy 1 year bday to the article, 7 days ago)

    Secondly, to be honest by this point I am actually kinda miffed that all white women who come here only appear to want to defend THEMSELVES whereas there is another group of people who has been described as being close to pariah’s, namely the African men.

    Maybe its because I have read the defensive position-which even if it were validated, kinds leaves us where we started, so much over the year, when this article as this blog was meant to be about advancing forward.

    Perhaps its also because whereas the few African FOBs who have stopped by can clearly attest to this being true, many white women refuse to accept it occurs.

    Another thing is, if you read my story as an immigrant you will realize that I wasn’t involved in much of what I have described above. If I was, I’d easily talk about it, I’ve discussed worse, and talk about my insights, so that inference is sadly wrong.

    Now, another thing I have never ever been a fan of is women disrespecting men and using terms such as ” thinking with his little brain” or “Not having enough blood for the brain because it flows down south” and so on and so on.

    Here’s my problem with it: women accuse us of lacking discipline. That would be fine, were it not for the fact that, understandably so, women are much more emotionally fluid, capricious and less willing to exercise control of emotions, feelings and any irrational desires.

    And so, I’ll give you the response I give often when women go on this rant, don’t admonish that which you don’t have or control, unless you can look yourself in the mirror and say you have been much more disciplined with the irrational desires, emotions lot you’ve been given: in which case run seminars teaching men and women some self-discipline which is badly needed in this society.

    I really do appreciate the fact that you stopped by April and honestly appreciate the kind words and thought I would genuinely express what was on my mind.

  • By nkosi, January 23, 2009 @ 11:05 pm

    @slim, beautfiul and intelligent, first of all i’d like to compliment you on your accomplishments; working for the U.N and all. my apologies if i gave you the impression i was talking about you even though i wasn’t. i was actually referring to 2 lines you wrote where you say
    “His falt (sic) mate is 20 years older, she was his girlfriend, and she stupidly persists in trying o (sic) get him to marry her, even though he was dating me” & “the woman is 50 plus.. and she still believes he loves her.. its crazy.” i was pointing out that u have given an example of desperate women who are in denial and will want to keep a man who treats them badly and clearly has character flaws and no long term interest in them. the women who fit this description are mostly old white women or fat and ugly ones. you now see how fat and ugly or old and frumpy white women can be easy targets for such unscrupulous men…this as i have said in one of the posts above was confirmed to me by a Nigerian chap who was behaving just like this Cameroonian chap. the Nigerian guy told me that some African men (mostly of West African origin and Nigeria in particular) and are doing this in Western countries over the world. they target these types of women to suit their ends and gain PR’s in their host countries. i remember watching a news clip from Ireland talking about this growing problem perpetrated by nigerian men. there are unscrupulous men out there using women (i’ve stated this before), and they tend to come from developing as opposed to developed countries. a lot of them are economic or political refugees..either way, they tend to come from unstable or even violent backgrounds and more often than not it shows in their behavour after their communities desperately scramble to get to their new host country. i don’t find it surprising that Somalians, Sudanese (some of whom are very uncouth indeed) and even Lebanese have high crime statistics related to them. i have never defended african men who did these things bcos they give all us african men a bad name, but it doesn’t help your cause slim& beautful if a lot of white women are actually adding to the problem by using bait (money & promises of a better life) to lure african men for sex and whatever else have you and totally disregard the men’s cultural values, background, beliefs and behaviour. this will attract to you unscrupulous men who will use your naivety and sense of desperation to milk you out of the very bait you offered them and to break your heart. what am i talking about?….

    ..i am talking about sex tourism in Africa. and i’m not talking about western men coming to africa to pay for sex with young african girls (that’s old news)..i’m talking about white women (a lot of whom are old) coming to Africa; mainly Kenya and the countries along the African West Coast seeking young, virile african men to have sex with, and they pay for it. the beaches along these african countries have become hunting grounds for these women. this trend has been growing exponentially and is now so big that it’s now gaining media attention. i read about this in an african magazine and even saw it on the news. the kenyan government has frowned upon this trend in their country. open this link to the article from reuters below:

    some of these women fall in love or get emotionally attached and then they take these men back to Europe with them. i read that one Swedish lady visited Gambia and took 5 different men at different times back to Sweden with them and each time they all disappeared once they had their papers sorted out..she clearly forgot that her relationship with these men was not initially based on love, so why should they change to love just because she changed? although these men burned her 5 times she was part of the problem you see. and as long as some white women prey on these men’s poverty and insecurities to lure them, unscrupulous & desperate men will continue to show up and they will hunt and prey on white women..even unsuspecting and innocent white women like yourself slim & beautiful, because now african men will view white women as nothing more than their meal ticket (with love not being part of the equation) and those white women who are geenrally viewed by society as undesirable will more than willingly accept these men into their lives, with not so much as suspicion about these men’s flawed characters, even despite the evidence to the contrary…

    ..of course, not all african men i like this. i highlighted how some economic and political refugees may be, but then you have guys like me who come from comfortable (even by Western standards) backgrounds, are fluent in english english, went to good schools, and came to Australia either as immigrants and/or students..not out of desperation, but ore out of choice. such men do exist in australia and i knew a lot of them. we wouldn’t do what that Cameroonian chap did to you. it’s just that in australia there tends to be a big difference between african students/immigrants and african political/economic refugees, and you unfortunately got one of the latter ones. peace

  • By Mwangi, January 23, 2009 @ 11:22 pm

    @nkosi: Aah beach boys, now there you are bringing in an entirely new phenomenon, I am willing to bet its probably a pandemic on the islands with white and African American women after movies like Stella.
    Actually many FOBs from comfortable backgrounds also engage in many of these practices. The vast majority dip their toes in the pool of other cultures briefly and then go back to their own community but I wouldn’t say that economic stability is a huge deterrent to the behavior on the posts or the comments actually.

  • By kuda, February 6, 2009 @ 6:07 am

    mwangi my brother i just came across this forum and i would like to say thank you for keeping it real maan. the truth shall set u free. as a zimbabwean mid 20s male who studied in geelong at deakin university where there is a herd of us zimbos over derre let me say that i have seen my brothers date some of the ugliest white women infact women perod! that i ever seen. inspite of australia’s multiculturalisim geelong is pretty much homogenous compared to the likes of sydney so hence the point being that there are lots of uuuugly bitches out there and my fellow zimos are dating these gals. why obese ugly gals be dem ones that like tha black man in australia????!!!!??? i say australia bcos i have lived in londin and st peterbsurg in rssia for a bit my friend. believe me wen i tell u dat although russia be racist and xenophobic, you would get yourself a russian girl even your grandmother in the vilages of kenya be proud of. engflish may be only problem for some of dem but so what. london has greatest number of mixed race relations on planet and that is empirical fact my african broders in england do much better dating out of derre race than in aussie much better! but i know sum of my zim bros have standards. it just that some of dem don’t wanna leave Aussie and come bak to zimbabwe u see because zimabwe is a dead country because of Mugabe so dey marry these mingers and get aussie permanent residence permits. don’t believe me? go to any of the deakin university campuses in state of victoria and ask the many zimbos there how many of them would do anything to stay in aussie. 99% of dem wil say yes so they marry ugly women and leave them someone already wrote about dis on here very true very true but also very discouraging african broders plz hav some self respect! and stop dating women u will feel too embarassed to introduce to your mother

  • By Mwangi, February 6, 2009 @ 6:17 am

    @Kuda: Interesting to hear the Zim perspective. Hmm, the impression I’m starting to get is that this problem is only a significant one in Australia and America with the story in the European countries, including England, being an entirely different one.
    Lol, and it’s also interesting to see how many people actually care or have an opinion on this particular issue.

  • By jentis, February 8, 2009 @ 9:38 pm

    This guy is an idiot, Australia(where he apparently studied) is full of women just wanting black meat… I’ve been there and experienced it first hand and it’s not a myth but a fact. In white america it’s a different case though. Been to Russia, Turkey, Holland, Germany and it’s all the same thing. They love us, cause white men I’m soory to say just can’t satisty. Size is everything but it depends on how you use it…

  • By Mwangi, February 8, 2009 @ 9:47 pm

    @jentis: Though I have absolutely no appreciation for your tone, at least your full of self confidence.

  • By Amused, February 8, 2009 @ 10:09 pm

    I am amused, i am slim, i am intelligent and somehow I dated several black men in my dating years. Why – i worked and studied in South Africa, it was inevitable, population wise to meet black men. Needless to say, moving back to Australia, the population ratio is a lot less. I have a mixed background – mediterranean.
    I tend to be attracted to men who also have a mixed background, dating a black man of late was simply as a result of a common interest – dancing. No where in my recount do i mention appendage and size factor.
    It is a shame though, when a black man, plays on the kindness of an Australian culture and belittles himself by guising as a playa. If they indeed are attracted to the woman – be her, slim, fat, blonde, brunette, black, pink or white – let it be an honest relationship. My African friend is stuck in an African country amidst political turmoil on his visit back – he claims to miss me etc. i do not miss him, I discovered as we dated, that he is way too African and way too immersed in lies. I felt his genuine desire to be with me, but he was sinking in his life of lies. His fat, older female friend is wishing to befriend me, crikey, and she calls him, mails him money etc..He is trying to sell his property abroad and meanwhile dealing with his ‘wife’, he is pushing for a divorce and reconnecting with his child. Why? Even I am lost with all this – a man who is too African, lacking the soul and heart to be honest, upfront about his African persona.
    Again, I have not in my recount mentioned a black man’s appendage, nor size. I do wishthe myth and the urban truths sync, as at the end of the day, we are simply human…I need more than colour of skin as basis of my dating a man. The appendage and size are not obvious in first meeting,

  • By hijack323, February 9, 2009 @ 2:26 am

    In response to jentis…… seems to me as though you are overcompensating for something….. could it be an extremely small penis? Must be….. I am white, been married twice – first time to a white man, second to a black man. I have dated and been intimate with men of both races….. color has nothing to do with size (in my experience). Perhaps you have been with more men than I……. or at least you are passing yourself off as the expert when you say that white men are unable to satisfy…. Tell me, what is your experience in the sizes and satisfaction of mens’ penises?

    Never been to Austrailia – but I have lived in the U.S. all of my life. I experienced the civil rights movement first hand. I lived in a time when there were seperate restrooms, drinking fountains, etc. My father was the only white teacher at an all black school. I grew up with both white and black people.

    I am not obese, in fact, I ride my bike a mile and run 2 miles every day. I am an IT so I carry computers around all day….. In other words, I am in pretty good shape…… If you are only able to attract fat ugly white women, that says as much about you as it does them. What you obviously have not experienced is that people (not just women) actually are attracted to other based on the content of their charecter….. you never mention that so you apparently are unable to relate – again speaking a lot about the content of yours!

  • By kuda, February 10, 2009 @ 7:54 pm

    jentis my friend why u callin me idiot ur racist tone makes u an even bigger idiot. how many white men u slept with to determine the size of their penis? dont be stupid. r u sayin white men cant get women of other races? i saw lots of white men dating interrcially to asian women in australia and those women luk happy to me. infact the white men who date these asian women at least keep der standards good unlike u brothers who come to australia and run after hippos, whales rhinos. ive seen my zimbabwe guys do this. yes some of dem do good, but rare compared to wat this blog talks about. i agree wit u jentis though about Russia, Turkey, Holland and Germany, and yes i studied at deakin in geelong 4 2 and 1/2 years and then Monash in clayton 4 1/2 year. black man/white woman dating in australia rubbish compared to europe as europe white women more liberal and open minded about interracial dating than white women anywhere else, and da hottest white women on earth live in Europe too moreover eastern europe, scandinavia and russia. livin in london was nice cos travellin all over europe is eazy from derre. i hear american not too good too. we all know america got the fattest woman on earth so me thinks most black men in america are wit fat white women by default. @amused, wat is too african? are u talking about dese no self respect, corrput men who use and abuse women. ppl like me mwangi not like dat but i know dey exist, and dey go for dese very obese ugly and insecure white women so the prey on de insecurity and these women stick to these men. watch how they react when african man talks to black woman. since u dated this man who is too african, are u perhaps the ‘typical’ white woman dey go for moreover since u are australian? if you know what i mean…..btw jentis, turkey women not white

  • By kuda, February 10, 2009 @ 8:12 pm

    ..i forgot to say that meditteranean women are hot too

  • By Patty, February 21, 2009 @ 2:13 am

    I am offended. My husband is African, he is grom Ghana, and he didn’t want to go home with me because of what was in my fridge. He wanted me for years and was very persistant to get me, and it had nothing to do with my weight or my self esteem. He just really liked me and was attracted too me. I don’t think it is fair of you to assume that white women only want black men for drugs or because of the stereotypical mandigo. All of your comments are racists and stereotypical. You are very wrong for your post.

  • By Mwangi, February 22, 2009 @ 2:41 am

    @Patty: I in turn am actually offended. As I have said above, a year after reading comment after comment what I don’t appreciate is the fact that you appear not to be responding to the article or the intention behind it but rather chose to accept it as a reflection of you and combat that. Let me tell you what I mean:

    1) I am speaking of a general tendency i.e. there are exceptions to the rule.
    2) I wrote it with the aim of eliminating this condition; instead you are talking to me as though you like it.

    Thirdly, you have brought up something that makes me uncomfortable about the West in general i.e. the overuse-to-the-point-of-meaningless use of the word “racist/racism”.

    Racism according to a dictionary is “the prejudice that members of one race are intrinsically superior to members of other races”. What about this article suggests that?

    I said that when fresh off the boat African immigrants, whose experience is different from Africans born and raised in a Western country, come to Australia these are their experiences. I did not make a blanket statement about the race. Its much more a cultural phenomenon and if you read the comments you’d know that is the case.

    Please be very careful when using that word.

    By the way…… here’s to your happy, healthy, marriage :D Thanks for stopping by tDA and have an awesome 2009

  • By Amused, February 22, 2009 @ 8:28 am

    Patty, Patty, do read the comments and the blog detail first!
    Hi all, my update, it is amazing how the fresh off the boat African is seduced by the hope of gaining all he can to take it home and support a tribe, or actually, as I found out, to show off to his brithers and sisters that he made it big here! so many lies, so sad really. it is almost the separation-anxiety, transition thing happening. The man i dated, who chased me for months, and btw Patty, i am slim, etc.., is currently stuck in Madagascar. But that is not all.. i mentioned earlier, his fat white older female whom he didnt want me to get to knwo ..as I thought she was simply a flat mate, is keen to knwo me and seems to be accepting me. She is doused with the acceptance torch, suggesting ‘her’ west african man is simply being who is his when he is home..she sends him money when he asks for it.. i could go on and on… anyway, my interest is simply to get my $1500 back, not to marry this guy as he wants, btw, he still isn’t divorced, recall i didn’t know he was married.. it goes on and on..patty, guess what.. the blog describes well some fresh off the boat africans… i got to laugh though, they are not all blessed with sizeable appendages, some are great though in the bedroom, as mine told me, in poverty, sex is the pasttime you learn to excel at, and with mine, the olympic sport he told me he represented when in Australia is an absolute lie, why did he even think me would believe it.. why do the lie about everything…amazing stuff really, and truly sad stuff.. and i do not quite get the religious fervour bit.. or is that fake also… man oh man.. i love black people.. i worked and lived amongst africans, and i loved the intelligence, the passion all… but the scraps in Oz land are scraps..please note .. im not saying all are scraps..im referring to thosse who are standout scraps.. of which there r a few…i like this post.. it is real.. real people, real lives.. assists in separating truth from crap…happy weekend all.Any black authentic man coming my way, do let me know, as the affinity will be there.. just want someone who is real!

  • By Ali, February 24, 2009 @ 6:25 pm

    I am a twenty year old white American lady and I love black men, and I am not overweight. In fact, I’m hot as hell. I love hip hop and green for good reason. Not because all I dream about is black dick. I mean, I do, but that is because I am most attracted to black men since, in my opinion, I see less ugly black men than I see ugly white men, and goddman, there’s just something about them. I don’t know. I’m not really into scrawny or bulky white dudes. That’s not to say I don’t find any white men attractive. I could name a few, but for some reason, they’re mostly gay (Nicolas Ghesquiere, Marc Jacobs) or no one else agrees with me on whomever I am interested in.

    “It’s very possible that hip hop is really the only mainstream genre of music with room for innovative experimentation and it also elicits such a strong guttural reaction in people, the kind that music is really meant for.” -Lola Dompe

    Mostly, I think this post is entirely useless since it doesn’t even matter, but since it’s been said and done, I will say my bit since I really don’t find this post remotely respectful or accurate. If the big Western white girl wants to get it rammed into her by a black man, then, by all means, allow her to without seemingly ignorant and rather negative posts. Yes, you’re allowed to say and do as you please, but SO AM I so I AM. And I will keep on pursuing those fiiiiine African men.

  • By Ali, February 24, 2009 @ 6:29 pm

    THAT’S RIGHT JENTIS! From my experience, white men do not satisfy as successfully and epically. Epically.

  • By Mwangi, February 25, 2009 @ 5:28 pm

    @Ali: Though I might be wrong, judging by the way you speak I think I might know people similar to you. Chances are, this post has very little to do with the world you live in. Actually just to confirm, which African men in particular do you tend to find yourself attracted to. Are they either:
    1) African Americans.
    2) Africans who grew up overseas since they were very young – i.e. 15 or less.
    3) Ethiopian or Somali or Sudanese men.
    If any of the above applies to you, I fully understand why you find this post useless, its not talking about you or your experiences at all.

  • By peetee, April 16, 2009 @ 7:58 am

    Hi Mwangi,

    I posted a response here almost a year ago – in retrospect I find it not to have been all that relevant to the phenomenon at hand. I guess it was a bit of a knee-jerk reaction. Reading through all the posts has given me a slightly different perspective on your own self, and perhaps your reasons for wanting to understand or somehow classify this phenomenon. You are respectful and patient in your responses, no matter how much ranting is involved. You seem genuinely interested, and perhaps concerned on behalf of the ‘unfortunate’ white women and FOBs you refer to? Ideally, neither group should be dating the other group for the specific reasons you mention (although who are we to tell people what to do.) Both groups deserve to be educated – e.g. healthy lifestyle, self-esteem – and to earn some genuine respect (basic human rights, no?).

  • By Mwangi, April 17, 2009 @ 7:05 am

    @peetee: Thanks :) I agree….and thanks :)

  • By Christine, April 29, 2009 @ 2:39 pm

    I was just trying to find more about African Ameri-African relationships. I know its common on the east coast U.S but I guess there is no interest here

  • By Mwangi, April 30, 2009 @ 5:47 am

    @Christine: You would probably be able to tell me more about that being based in the US while I am in Australia………..

  • By Sophia, May 12, 2009 @ 1:02 am

    Dear Mwangi,

    First of all I want to thank you for sharing your observations, it was very interesting, sometimes funny and sometimes sad~ But most importantly, it’s probably very very true. So me, though not being caucasian, but being ugly and fat, should better stay away from black guys, and in fact all guys in general, ‘cos if they ever approach me, they are definetly only after an easy lay and/or the food in my fridge, right? Well, thank you very much for letting me know that and reminding me how worthless fat and ugly women are, so that I won’t be fooled if any black guy ever even tries to talk to me. At least you are an honest person and I respect you for that.

    Kind regards,


  • By Mwangi, May 12, 2009 @ 7:56 pm

    @Sophia: Yours is quite a depressing comment I must say, I really don’t know how to react to it :( Thanks for appreciating the honesty but please don’t equate all your worth in your looks and weight, its a hard trap to avoid as a woman but please don’t.

    Also, sadly many African men are that callous………….

  • By nkosi, May 13, 2009 @ 7:54 am

    yep depressing msg indeed. sophia are you black? cos if you are, the views here are not applicable to you at all. we are talking about the type of ‘white’ women who are generally attracted to black men..in Australia! we acknowledge that there are exceptions but this is the general rule as outlined by Mwangi. now if you are offended, just imagine how it is for an African male to have to live through this..here you have a situation where white women who are considered at the bottom of white society’s standard of desirability (set by white men of course) are clamouring for black men. i hear and read that this situation is also common in the U.S.A, but Not Europe. bcos women base their sense of self worth on their physical appearance in western society in particular, low self esteem is endemic all across the board with these women. their low sense of self worth at being made to feel worthless nd rejected by their white male counterparts forces them to seek new pastures with you guessed it..us black males. the main symptom of low self esteem is not always just a feeling of ‘less than’ but it can also masquerade as a feeling of ‘better than’, and nowhere is this more apparent than when a white woman steps up to a black man. this realisation honed in on me when my Australian friends took me to celebrate St.Patrick’s day (an Irish festivity) in St.Kilda jus after my arrival in Australia; i swore there were only 2 black guys there incl. me, and the rest was a sea of white people, so i naturally stood out, especially since I am 6ft 3in tall. now i don’t mean to blow my own horn, but i’ve been told by males and females of all ages and races that i am a handsome guy, and i was definitely more handsome than all my friends that day exceot one. it was therefore mind-blowing when 3 really huge, and NOT cute looking ladies older than i was came and chatted me up, almost totally ignoring the white males around me, and one of them was definitely flirting..that ‘take me to bed’ type flirting..they put me in a corner so to say, and my friends kind of stepped away to ‘give me my space’..all except one of them. his name was Pat and he was a very close buddy of mine..a gentleman infact, but truth is at this very moment he was drunk (any Irish festivity involves a lot of alchohol, even funerals) and let me tell you this; Australians go thru a personality metamorphosis when they are drinking more than any nation of people i’ve come across, and Pat was no exception. at that moment he threw his gentlemanliness out the window, put his hand on my shoulder in disgust and said “Nkosi why are you talking to these ugly bitches?” i was startled not only bcos that was very rude but also bcos i never knew that talking to huge, ugly girls was considered behavour non grata amongst the boyz in Australia. luckily they didn’t hear him, but during that interaction with those girls i found them ‘pushy’ in terms of trying to get me to hook up wit their gals and also i found that they had an ‘air of superiority’ over me about them (which was subconscious but apparent nonetheless), which is why they continued to put me in a corner even though my body language made it obvious that I was not attracted to them and i was not interested. i found ther courage and determination against the odds astounding..but later i realised that a lot of obese and unattractive white Australian girls have a sense of entitlement over black men.. that feeling that she can get any black man she wants

    when i hooked up with my attractive girls of mixed background from the Pacific Islands (who was tall and slim like me) fat, ugly white women continued to step up to me, sometimes in her presence truly believing that i would dump my girlfriend for them (once again this was simply that subconscious ‘air of superiority’ bcos looks and personality wise, they had nothing on my girlfriend). do you know the humiliation, the feelin of less-than, the feeling of being covertly insulted that these experiences engender in a person like myself..now imagine if i was one of these callous african men, or one of these african men who subconsciously (notice i have not said consciously) has a feeling of inferiority to caucasians..well in that case, chances are i would have hooked with either one of those 3 girls bcos i would have picked out her weakness (the low self esteem and subconscious ‘feeling of superiority’ over darkies) and played on that to my advantage to either use and abuse her, or to walk around with her like some kind of TROPHY (due to my feelings of inferiority). likewise, white women wil play on some black men’s black men’s subconscious sense of inferiority to caucasians and try her luck in an arena where she wouldn’t dare with a white man. as a result, you will find that there are black men who feel entitled to obese white women and white women who feel entitled to all black men, and you’ll see this sense of entitlement in how they get react with surrise when they get rejected. that’s why i’ve stated in previous posts that a lot of these black man/white woman relationships are based on desperation, weakness, usury etc but not love. of course i know of relationships where mutual attraction and love was the common denominator, but these are the exceptions not the rule, and most african men don’t disagree with this..and it brings us shame collectively speaking..i mean, it’s not like it’s something that you can be proud of innit? so if you are offended, and find this forum depressing, take a walk in our shoes..we are the ones who live with this state of affairs..

    ..plus you are not a white woman as you state, so chances are highly likely this does not apply to you. the psychological and socio-economic factors outlined here are based ONLY on our observations of black man/white woman couples. if such relationships were based on love instead of these other debilitating & often below-the-surface factors, then i wouldn’t see any problem with these black man/ “kilogrammicaly’ challenged white woman couples…but just not like this

  • By Angela Holt, June 9, 2009 @ 10:48 pm

    I am a firm opposer of interracial relationships. It tarnishes the purity of one’s own race. But the thing that frustrates me most is when African-American men get with white women, they treat them better than African-American women. Some of the same punishments holds true today as it did during the Jim Crow era towards African-American men and white women. And in divorce the African-American man is always left with NOTHING. O.J. Simpson, for example, was sentenced the second time for the murder of his ex-wife. I have no sympathy for him, he deserved everything he got. I don’t know why this doesn’t serve as an example for all Black men…to STAY WITH WOMEN OF YOUR OWN RACE AND LEAVE WHITE WOMEN ALONE!

  • By Jo, June 10, 2009 @ 6:14 pm

    Oh my god, i cannot believe that in 2009 when there is a brilliant man – the product of a inter-racial relationship himself – in the White House leading one of the most influential countries in the world & leading it well, that we are still debating if it’s Ok for inter-racial relationships to occur!

    I have been in inter-cultural/inter-racial relationships for the best part of 20 years & it’s been a wonderful & enriching experience.

    Yes, of course some inter-racial relationships are based on inequity & one person using another for their own ends…but, guess what, so are many relationships which involve people from the same culture!

    It all depends on the individual. If you care about someone & they are from a different racial/cultural background then go for it. The biggest hurdle you’ll have to face is the narrow mindedness of some people in society – many of whom appear to post on this forum!

    But if you’re in an inter-racial relationship & it’s exploitative or abusive…then get out of it. But remember it is because of the individuals involved that has created this dymanic – it has nothing to do with their skin colour or birth place.

  • By nkosi, June 11, 2009 @ 3:37 am

    this is the 1st post i’ve come across here where someone is totally against interracial relationships…in 2009! ma’am with all due respect, if you do not condone IR dating then i suggest you check out of here and move to the next planet. some scientists would have us believe lately that life on the moon and mars wil soon be possible for mankind and that some segments of the world population will soon live there…kindly pave the way for us. in what way are the likes of Obama, Tatyana Ali, Boris Kodjoe, Ben Kingsley, Keanu Reeves, Vin Diesel, Bob Marley, Halle Berry, Prince, Rosario Dawson, Beyonce, Tiger woods, Jessica Alba, etc, etc, etc killing ‘racial purity’?! i don’t even understand what that means. if you are talking about keeping one’s genealogy homogenous, then u r suggesting not only should we stop dating people of different skin colour, but even us as black people need to stop dating across ethnic groups! it’s precisely this type of thinking that has had Africa engulfed in all sorts of civil wars and ethnic cleansing throughout history. so what you are in actual fact saying Angela Holt, is that black men of southern african origin like myself should not date or marry african women of West African origin (which would include yourself assuming you are african american) since the geneology is way too different..not forgetting that even within each of the 5 different regions of africa, the different ethnic grous have different genealogies. if your argument is that black people should not marry white people bcos of differences in culture, what if i told you that a white woman of afrikaaner descent would understand the way of the khoisan (bushman) much more than a black woman from Holland for instance and would therefore be more culturally compatible, or that an african american female youth from the big cities would not understand the ways of a herdman/warrior from Masai-mara. you sound like one of those stormfront or KKK chaps who talk about racial purity as if mixing white blood with any other type is akin to injecting oneself with pesticide or other poisons. that’s the mentality that caused so much racial strife in the olden days, and it was the major motivation behind apartheid – that people of different races should never ever procreate (they even interpreted the bible in such a way as to support this stance), and to enforce that laws should be applied to keep them separate from each other, and therefore ‘racially pure.’ do you know that your argument of keeping the races apart from each other and hence ‘pure’ can be used to justify some of the most heinous crimes against humanity, and it already has?

    and by the way, out of curiosity are you against only white women dating black men, or all other types of women who are non-black too. and don’t ever use the argument about white women wanting to take all the wealth of a successful black man bcos a whole lot of you black women are gold-digging women too, and you know it…besides the likes of Snoop Dogg, Jay-Z, dr Dre, etc keep reminding us of this stereotype regularly in their lyrics…and since you say black men can get punished for dating white women, well in the past a black man of my ethnic group would get ostracized by my community for dating a woman of Khoi San origin, even though we come from the same country and are both black. are u saying i should keep the status quo (ie. avoid them at all costs) just cos of what happened in the past?

  • By Jo, June 11, 2009 @ 5:18 am

    THANK YOU nkosi for addressing & challenging Angela’s comments on this forum, particularly from the perspective of a black man. Thanks you again. Take care. Jo.

  • By hijack323, June 11, 2009 @ 8:58 am

    I too would like to respond to Angela Holt’s ignorance. Angela obviously is not a Christian. I come to this conclusion because EVERY Christian knows that the Bible teaches us that God created us in his image and we are ALL decendants of Adam and Eve…… 1 set of original parents = 1 race. Has that race changed over time – I would say yes……

    My question to Angela would be – which is the “pure” race and which are the “unpure” races?

    Also, I will make an educated guess that Angela is single and bitter because of it. My African-American husband will tell you that there were many things that attracted him to me – my mind was just one of the attractions. We have very similar opinions and many things in common – not to mention that after almost 18 years together, we are still VERY much attracted physically to one another.

    Angela, white women such as myself have not stolen the successful black men from black women……. My husband loves black women – before me he was married to a black woman and although I am statingh the obvious, his mother whom he adored was a black woman. But, I can assure you that even if he were not with a “white woman,” he would not be with a woman such as yourself. He reads people very well and could probably size you up in a second. He is not attracted to bigoted close minded individuals and you, Angela are both. Maybe if you open your mind and close your mouth, you can find a good man and shed that bitterness that you are harboring for women that have wonderful men in their lives.

  • By peetee, June 16, 2009 @ 6:07 am

    If you look at it from a scientific & historic perspective, white people are also ‘displaced’ Africans… seventy thousand years or so ago (according to DNA research) a group of Africans left the continent to gradually spread out all over the world, slowly adapting to suit their environment (unless you don’t believe the theory of evolution).

    Nkosi – you make a very valid point:

    Dear Angela: I hope you can move on and appreciate & value yourself and other people as members of the genetically very diverse but ONE race of mankind?


  • By Jo, June 16, 2009 @ 10:16 pm

    hi all – thank you so much to the recent posters on the board who have responded to angela’s comments. it has restored not only my faith in forums such as this but also in human nature as a whole & intercultural understanding.

    i would echo Peace-o by saying have a look at dr. alice roberts’ bbc program about the origins of mankind (’the incredible human jounrey’)…all of us originally came from africa as the scientific evidence shows & as people spread out around the world their skin colour/appearance adapted to the environment over time.

    thank you too, to hijack323 for giving us a positive story about what sounds like a beautiful & successful intercultural relationship. i also am a white woman in love with & in a secure relationship with a wonderful man from kenya – my partner loves black women just as much & the mother of his child is black & they have a very respectful relationship. we fell in love with each other -our values, beliefs & attitudes & sense of being in the world & even sense of humour is very similar – our different skin colour is irrelevant to us although it seems not to everyone!

    finally i would also like to say that while i understand the points made by & about recently arrived african men in australia, this is very far from my own experiences. while i live in the uk now, i was born & lived in australia for more than 40 years. i taught english to adult african men for many, many years & yes some did have white partners (usually attractive & very sweet ones) but many had partners from their own community as well. i spent a lot of time with these guys & we discussed many aspects of their lives – never once did they raise the issue of a feeling they had no choice but to be with an ‘ugly, fat white woman’ – what a horrible stereotype anyway! all these guys studied, many had jobs & some were planning to go on to uni. they certainly didn’t ‘need’ a white woman for money as they all had money & they didn’t need her for a passport or visa coz they had this as well – in fact most were permanent residents. so i’m really puzzled as why african men in australia would ever need to behave in the demeaning way which is often described on this forum.

  • By Monica, July 12, 2009 @ 7:26 am

    Wow i donno what to say …. so you wanna keep that white girl…Christina Aquilera …that Paris Hilton( U.S.D.A) who likes black men ? But oops she doesnt look like them? o_O What a Dilemma, but i think she might tell Nelly “ride with me ” So now you decided rather to get That Halle Berry …who do you think u are …Hurricane Chris? hehe …

    My bf of 8 months is african:). We met in da club(50cent) but have never been back to da club since then.. And we say ” i love you” to each other…aww:) . I really do love him so much. Its my dream to marry him. Im very happy to have him for my bf. He is my honey…and im planning on loving him long time (mariah carey) :)

    Anyways maybe a gal with not such high self esteem has a few good sides to it also.
    I feel very grateful to have my bf in my life and i try to make him happy and be a good gf to him.
    If i had a really high self esteem maybe i would have been the kinda girl who would not appreciate who she has and always be on the look out for someone better? o_O hmm where are some NFL players ?! lol just joking …(Mr NFL probably has some single ladies like Kim Kardashian on his mind, to put a ring on it :) He surely is surely loaded ..the money ..the wheels( singing like T.I 24’s) …the crib.. the swag..looking fly… to get who he wants… singing to the other brothers “this is why im hot…im hot coz im fly you aint coz your not ! duh!(mims)

    And wow !!! about the elephant trunks that can choke a ghorilla o_O Ghorrila Zoe ?” I got it ! I got it ! You want it ? It got it ! I want it … So bad …just wanna take a shot at it ” .. Hmmm sounds like his got it ! :)

    Having one night stands with obese people for food o_O!!! …wow omg thats kinda funny sorry lol I dont think in any case any relationship can develope after a one night stand…with or without food! ? i think most guys are gonna feel bad about the girl if she gives it up too easily…
    And we girls also appreciate a gentleman..:) Oh behave lol dont become all dr evil in da club even its your birthday 50 cent!

    I would love to someday go to Honolulu with my man….but it would not be for getting that maui wowi…love that song tho :)

  • By CJones, July 14, 2009 @ 2:19 pm

    I’m just tired of white women (hijack323) hiding behind the “I don’t date him because he’s black” I like his skin, he makes me feel safe, they know how to treat a woman… blah, blah and blah. I’m a black man ( In the USA) and I have dated all types of women- in the end it all boils down to the size of my dong and how good I make them feel. When I was a teenager and even into my thirties it was great. But I started seeing a patern and things started to make sense. It was never me they wanted. It was my African-Salami. I realized I was just a tool to these women. Something used for a single purpose, like a slave. I started looking at myself as a slave with very little value. Well, I got tired of feeling like a slave and started to embrace my people and learned to love myself- that’s right! I think in a way I didn’t like myself. Now that I understand things a bit better, things are looking good. What sucks is knowing that here in the USA we are still slaves to whites- only now almost exclusively to white women.

    I was once going at it with a white girl and as she was cumming, she said ” Give it to me you f’n nig@*r. She tried to play it off by saying; you guys say it to each other all the time. White girls get so caught-up in the sex they even forget we’re human sometimes. If something happened to my dong, any white girl would leave way faster than a black woman. They can only connect on a sexual level- That is all. I’m tired of being a slave- being with white girls now feel shallow to me- the truth is when I’d get a white girl hooked, I become the master. I could do what ever the hell I wanted with them- and I’m tired of that too.

    I heard several times women say, ‘Once you go black you never go back’. Well, just think about that for a minute- are all us black males clones for white women to say, ‘I don’t care as long as he’s black he will do the trick’. If he’s good looking and he has money I hit the jackpot!!!

  • By hijack323, July 30, 2009 @ 2:27 pm

    CJones – I agree with you on one thing you wrote in your ignorant ramblings….. you ARE a complete “Tool.” LOL

    Maybe after the women are around you for a few minutes, they realize what a tool you actually are and can’t get away from you fast enough. You obviously don’t know what the hell you are talking about. #1 – it is a fairy tale that black men are better endowed than white men…… #2 – I went black the first time when I was in the 9th grade (1973-1974). I went back to dating (or was married to) white men exclusively for the next 14 years – when I met my current husband who is black. So I went “back” as you put it.

    You say you have a big “African Salami,” too bad you don’t have a pair of balls to go with it because if you did, women would not treat you in the manner for which you say they do.

    In the future, maybe if you quit being such a victem, you might actually meet a nice girl (or boy).

    When you have an open mind and open heart, you open yourself up to meeting wonderful people from races. I would say to you like I would a woman that “allowed” men to use her, you are the only one you have control over so if someone is using you for sex and you don’t like it, only you can do something about it. You are making judgements and stereotyping….. and

  • By Jo, July 30, 2009 @ 7:58 pm

    hmmm…well after first reading your post CJones i felt annoyance but then i felt sorry for you coz you are sooooo dating the wrong kind of women.

    mind you, i think you have just received a taste of what women of all backgrounds have had to put up for generations – i.e. being dated & bedded by men (also from all backgrounds) just for physical reasons – big breasts, hot body etc…and it’s demeaning.

    it’s all about the person and if people can’t see beyond the physical then you need to steer clear of them unless you want to feel like a commodity. the physical in everyone fades/changes over time anyway so if you ever want a serious, meaningful, long term relationship then stay away from those that just see life and experience through a physical/material lens.

    like hijack323, i have dated (& been married to) white men and dated black men. my current partner is black and i’m not with him for his ‘African-salami’ -i love him for HIM – his personality, his values and attitudes. of course, there is physical attraction between us…most relationships need this too!…but if that’s all there is then it won’t last.

    my advice is look for someone who loves you for who you are as a person – this may be a white woman or a black woman, who knows – there are lots of great people out there & this isn’t defined by the colour of their skin

  • By fever, August 5, 2009 @ 4:34 pm

    I’m a black guy and I have jungle fever really bad. What should I do?

  • By Mwangi, August 6, 2009 @ 9:00 pm

    @fever: Loooollllll, I don’t even know what to say to that one…….

  • By peetee, August 6, 2009 @ 10:01 pm

    Fever: you need a lil bit of Stephanie Mills’ medahcaaaaaaan, or else G. Estefan’s Doctor Beat, or something, man.

  • By luella, August 8, 2009 @ 12:05 am

    Loved it!! LOL I am a white woman from france. I am slim, but I don’t know how beautiful I am which surely means I’m not Jessica Alba, yeah right! a dog!
    No ain’t no dog at all. One thing I know is that I am intelligent and a talented musician. Man looks like a personal ad but my point is a month ago I met this guy from Mali, very nice, shy and all cute who makes a living out of selling hash. I dated him for a month, we had sex the second week, he told me he loved me the following day. The first night we slept toghether i could tell he was used to prostitutes mainly and as he confirmed later only.Well as things started to go to fast I freked out and backed off.I told him not to call me anymore and he hasn’t ever since.
    time for me to show the claw, i do have a flaw: He was 25 and I am 44 ;)
    Cheers from Paris

  • By ann, August 30, 2009 @ 1:56 am



  • By ann, August 30, 2009 @ 2:06 am



  • By Queenboheem, September 2, 2009 @ 5:49 pm

    Wow! I can’t believe the comments and how long this has been going. It’s like an endless conversation, and after a minute, I got a little tired of reading them. I was actually on the web looking for some site that would indicate where the poetry clubs, hip hop spots, jazz joints, or something familiar to me are. Aaand…. there obviously aren’t any. Unless someone has got the inside track.

    I’m an African American woman from the US and have been in Australia for 2 months, feeling a little homesick. After stumbling across this blog, I found it interesting and kinda funny. Coming from America, majority of us laugh at just about anything and anyone anyway; even ourselves.

    I can understand the angry comments and the understanding ones. We are all entitled to our own opinions. After reading this blog, I’m curious as to what kind of experiences I will go through; although right now they have been minimal.

    What is fat anyway? Are we talking model industry standards, or what? I wouldn’t consider myself skinny or fat. If anything, we all come in different shapes, sizes and colors, and if a group of people are not thrilled about a woman who is a size 6 and up (that’s plus size in US model world), then some other group will.

    I will say this; I am definitely not opposed to dating outside of a race; regardless of what the reason is. I have dated the whole rainbow, and at first was opposed to white women dating black men; especially if it was my brother. Now it doesn’t really matter. If no one had relations outside of their race, I wouldn’t be alive, and many others that we call friends, family (my President), wouldn’t be as well. Many people cannot trace back far enough, but I have traced back to a good 4 generations (due to a undergrad project) and found out there are white people in my family. So close that I know their blood is in me along with the obvious native american signs.

    If a black man is dating a white woman for superficial reasons, good riddance, I didn’t want him anyway, but if he’s dating a white woman b/c he is truly happy, then good for him. Same thing goes for a black woman dating outside of her race. I have experienced some flack from black men and white people when I dated a white man.

    Does it really matter who we date and for what reason? Why is it anyone else’s business?

    Thanks for the post Mwangi!

  • By Eve, September 12, 2009 @ 7:20 pm

    Hello, Queenboheme,

    Where in Australia are you? In Melbourne, there are heaps of hip-hop events. There’s the annual MC Competition at Revolver, and next weekend, there will be a free hip-hop event in the city:

    Our Backyard 2009

    the Arts Centre and The Push present
    Our Backyard 2009

    Melbourne established and emerging MCs, DJs, breakers, krumpers, poppers and dance crews come together the ultimate free non stop hip-hop extravaganza and battle!

    Sunday 20 September, 2009
    @ the Arts Centre, Hamer Hall, St Kilda Rd, Melbourne
    11.30am – 4.00pm

    Hosted by:
    Yung Philly & Timomatic (Top 8 finalist from So You Think You Can Dance)

    DJ Peril
    DJ Perplex
    Dig Deep vs City Beatz

    All-Star Hip Hop Jam with Julez, Justice (Justice & Kaos), Little G, Mantra and 1/6 (Illzilla), MC Que (Illevel), Momo (Diafrix), Urban Monk (Polo CLub)

    Live funk band – Deep Street Soul

    Dance Showcases by:
    Melbourne House Dancers
    Melbourne Lockers
    Urban Force
    Access for All Abilities Ghet-Go Crew

    4 on 4 Breakin’ Battles
    MC Battles
    Stencil Workshops
    Sneaker Freaker Workshop & Display
    Umalicious Food & Beats Cafe
    Market Stalls & more

    Registrations for Breakin’ & MC Battles NOW OPEN!

    Breakin’ & MC Battle Qualifiying Rounds: 11.30am – 1.00pm
    Breakin’ & MC Battle Semis & Finals: 1.00pm – 4.00pm

    This is an all ages, drug, alcohol & smoke-free event!

    For More Information Contact: The Push on (03) 9380 1277 push_it@thepush.com.au


    What do you think about Australian men? I get the feeling that they just don’t like any women at all! Which is probably why we had a huge feminist movement in the ’70s, and Germaine Greer has been living in the UK ever since! Women just don’t seem to be welcome in Australian society – it’s like we’re nuisances, intruding on their little ‘boys clubs’ at the football and the pub. I suppose that’s why most of us girls here are real ‘girl’s girls.’ We need to support one another, ’cause no-one else will!

  • By Queenboheem, September 13, 2009 @ 9:34 am

    Hey Eve!

    Thanks for the info! Unfortunately, I’m in Brisbane. I really wanted to go to Melbourne, but my lack of thorough search for universities, led me to the one that’s having issues. Fortunately, my previous Masters has cut down my time here, so I may be able to move out there next year; that is, if I can find a job; otherwise back to the States I go.

    Even if don’t get to live out there, I’ll make sure to visit and see what’s up with the info. you passed along.

    I have yet to have any convesations with Australian men. I have only met one and he’s gay, but honestly being here, has made me appreiciate American men even more, especially Blacks. It does seem like women are somewhat of an intrusion on what they have going on. I haven’t really seen any tomboys walking around. What’s up with that? Traditional roles does seem to be pretty major here, and that’s something I can’t get used to.

    Thanks again!

  • By Mwangi, September 13, 2009 @ 3:54 pm

    @Queenboheem: I have just moved to Brisbane from Melbourne so if you discover any good events, please be sure to leave a comment here and lemme know.


  • By Eve, September 13, 2009 @ 4:33 pm

    Hey, Queenboheme,

    You’re welcome! Yeah, Melbourne has a pretty big hip-hop scene. I’ve never been to Brisbane, but my best friend wants to take me to Hamilton Island! Haha… Yeah, it’s like that here – girlfriends going on ‘honeymoon destinations’ together!

    Yeah, it’s a real masculine society we have over here, unfortunately. Maybe that’s why we always look forward to foreign men visiting. But if they stay here for a few years, they end up acting like Australian men, going to their ‘male-only’ barbeques, pubs and football games, and excluding girls…

    Anyway, I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay in Australia, and good luck with your studies! :)

  • By Queenboheem, September 13, 2009 @ 8:31 pm

    Hey Eve,

    Yeah girl outings are common. It’s good to get away with the ladies and gossip and chill. If you ever make it to the US, you must go to South Beach in Miami, New York City (of course), and if you’re looking for some down time; the Mountains in Asheville, North Carolina. I guess I can appreciate the mingling with the opposite sex; the Superbowl parties, game nights, and chillaxing at the hip hop and jazz joints.

    I think it takes a particular female to break down the barriers. Just join in whatever the men partake in. They’re not going to do anything; especially if you’re up on whatever they’re interested in. It’ll probably turn them on.

    This makes me want to hurry and get back home now =)

    Naw, I can appreicate the beauty of Australia!


    Hey Mwangi!

    I’m probably the last person you want to ask. I mainly keep to myself; calling home as often as I can. Why did you move anyway? You were probably in the cultural capital of Australia. I can’t wait to go to Melbourne.

    It seems most people here go to Fortitude Valley or the “Valley” as it has been dubbed. But I’m not into the clubbing scene. You should check it out if you are. There is one guy I met on Facebook, who advertises the few events that come here. DJ Oskido is coming here on the 26th to Rockafellas Nite Club, 9 PM. That’s the one recent event I’ve seen advertised by him so far, since I added him. Do you have Facebook?

  • By bigpanda, September 27, 2009 @ 11:36 pm

    Know your market. Australia is one of the most racist countries on the planet. Plus, they have a lot of well hung, dark-skinned Aboriginals to compete with. I hear black men do exceedingly well with hot chicks in Germany. There, you are truly exotic.

    I’m a white guy living in China, and the girls there are literally waiting in the airport for guys like me.

  • By Raquelita, December 14, 2009 @ 3:41 pm

    This is a great piece of work. You’re an excellent writer & you’re funny too. As for the content (African/African-American men)…I don’t really have an opinion on this, except that in any race you’ll find these kind of “fantasies” between the men & the women. Guys from “South of the Border”, many that I have met, think American women are EASY & that when they get to the U.S., they’ll have so much “pucha” dropping into their lap. Your story sounds a lot like theirs…the type of women & all. Of course, that DOESN’T apply to ALL LATIN MEN, just quite a few that I’ve met. I really enjoyed reading your blog. Thanx, you made me laugh.

  • By Raquelita, December 14, 2009 @ 4:48 pm

    There was a comment that caught my attention. I won’t say any names because I believe everyone is entitled to their opinion (not that they’re all legitimate or factual…they seem more “emotional”) & no matter how much you criticize their point of view, it most likely won’t change it. In fact, it may make them take a firmer stand behind their belief.
    The idea of staying with your “own kind” is a personal preference, just as being w/someone from another race. This isn’t the animal kingdom where monkeys stick to monkeys, giraffes w/giraffes, wild cats w/wild cats. We’re talking about HUMAN BEINGS all lumped together on the same planet. Mixing is inevitably going to happen…it has & it always will. Unfortunately, IR relationships still get shunned, and that will continue also.
    My father is German-American, and growing up in a White Supremicist environment, which he bought into, still didn’t kill his attraction to Hispanic women. He’s been married & divorced twice to 2 different Mexican women. Bringing to those relationships his idea of superiority over any non-White race pretty much destroyed those marriages. My Mexican mother, is attracted ONLY to “White” men. She was brought up in a large family of 9 brothers and sisters, whose parents immigrated from Mexico. Six out of the nine brothers & sisters stuck with their “own kind”, and every one of those six have been married more than once. REGARDLESS of what your race or what your preference is, if you pick a jerk (for lack of a better word) or you yourself have nothing positive to give to the relationship, IT’S NOT GONNA WORK, even if you choose to stay together and suffer. If 2 people can legitimately find true love, then let them. Happiness is everyone’s right & God is a loving God who wants us to be happy. If you, personally, want to stick w/your own kind, go for it, but don’t kid yourself…that won’t promise happiness. IR relationships won’t assure happiness either. It’s the mentality of the people involved. This should be basic “Relationship 101″ info.
    I’m happy and proud of my different ethnic families. I feel like I’ve been given something extra because of that. I love people for people. I have dated different races & I have been married twice to Mexican men. These relationships didn’t work. Why? I truly doubt it was because of race (I can only speak for myself on that)…it was the type of man I was with and the type of woman I was at that time in my life. They were wrong for me & I was wrong for them.
    That’s just MY learning experience. Again, if you want to be with “your own”, so be it. I wish you happiness.

  • By Susan, December 15, 2009 @ 2:42 am

    Hi Myambi,

    I did not get a chance to read all of your blog but just most of the first part. I know its a bit late for comments regarding african man in Australia. I myself observed such behaviour whilst leaving in Asia. How the woman acted towards African man, and I mean straight from Africa. Your 5 points is so true to the point. So what I am saying is that this attitude is not narrowed to just white woman but also woman in asia. Good reading, ca.t wait to read more of you. P.s. I have many african man friends who tell me the same things you mentioned.

  • By Mandingo, December 15, 2009 @ 3:22 am

    sounds to me like just the ramblings of a small dick jealous white man…..lmao@him being mad that white women will do anything for black dick. every white woman puts a black dick inside her at least 3 times in her life, BELIEVE THAT BITCH! that includes your grandmother, you mother and your sister, and your daughter especially.

  • By Ms. D, December 27, 2009 @ 3:11 pm

    I loved your article it entertained me so much I had to comment. Im writing from Tucson, AZ, where the black population at last count was under 2 % of the total pop. So inevitably black men get recycled quite a bit here. I was told the same story by other Africanos, when I asked why do they f– the heavy, homely white ones over a beautiful latin woman? One said “credit cards” another one said “easy” “immigration papers” and so on. I thought it sad, but can understand the need to get what you need however that may be. Here in lies the problem, if you sell yourself then you must expect to be treated like merchandise, by the time you get your papers you are miserable because you will be reminded on a daily basis you were bought. Thus making you bitter for the next woman who may truly be in love with you and want to love you for the man you are and not for your penis size or trophy status. Latin women are often the last choice for African men because we are actually forbidden to have relations with black men and we don’t pursue you, but when we do fall in love with you it is surely a blessed union. Look for the quality of the woman you get with and not the quantity on her credit card and you may be surprised by the unconditional support you will recieve from your Aztec Queen.

  • By r.j., December 28, 2009 @ 8:11 am

    As the old saying goes, Once you’ve gone black, you never go back” and us white guys have a saying as well.
    Once you’ve gone black, we don’t want you back.
    I can’t even think of one single decent white woman that dates blacks.
    All the white women I’ve known that date blacks are as you described above, or hate or possibly were molested by their fathers and date black men as revenge. That last one tends to describe the few attractive white girls i’ve ever known that have the jungle fever.
    And , of course, we can’t forget the mentally deranged and those inundated with politically correct liberal programming. Every pathetic black guy that has ever hit on my wife while she is waiting for the bus or at the store [when I'm not around], always , when told to get lost, retorts with “wassamatta, you racist?”
    As if it’s beyond their scope of thought that a beautiful intelligent white woman with a good life wouldn’t be interested in a guy that resembles an ape more than a human, in appearance and intellect.

  • By peanut butter and jelly, December 28, 2009 @ 10:27 am

    wow did i really read someone making a statement that amounted to, only black boys and white girls are mature in teen years to like sex?
    and did i read that only fat white woman have full fridges? what about all the other fat people in the world?what about skinny people who cant gain weight and eat all the time?
    and that white woman will do anything for quoting now “black dick”I was wondering **does that include gay woman as well?They just flip over when you drop you pants?
    and really whats your degree in automotive repair?
    smiling now>>nice day to you


  • By peanut butter and jelly, December 28, 2009 @ 10:43 am

    oh hey and while you are working on cars,check this article for the words low self esteem

  • By admin, January 5, 2010 @ 3:05 pm

    @rj: Thank you for opening my eyes man. Before I lived in a dark, dark haze but thanks to you, good, kind, sir…..I know better. Bless you in 2010 Mr “mypolishsausage”, bless you. And thanks for stopping by tDA :)

  • By Shanna, January 5, 2010 @ 10:55 pm

    I have a friend that is pregnant with an african man, they were together for just over 3 months when she got pregnant. He left for 6 weeks during her pregnancy to visit his family back in Africa, she is now 9 months pregnant and a friend of his came here to stay with them(she is not happy at all about the situation) She told her boyfriend that she wants the freind to leave, I am worried for her I don not trust either one of them. The friend has NO respect for my friend and when she tries to talk to her boyfriend about the situation he tells her that she is over reacting. Do I nedd to be concerned for her? She is being lied to everday about something new, and now we have learned that this man is here with NO money! They can barely take care of themselves never mind this man and now the baby!

  • By r.j., January 14, 2010 @ 11:37 am

    Shanna, the first thing your friend ought to do is get an AIDS test, then an abortion, then an appointment with a psychiatrist.

  • By Jarnel, January 15, 2010 @ 11:12 am

    Well bro, i understand where u’re headin to, but i guess you forgot the reverse of your case, i mean i’ve got friends who always goes for the thick ones… Black, white or whatever skin colour they’ve got, it just gotta be thick or call it overweight or fat i go with thick…
    They’ve gone to the extend of tellin my friends(female)that every black dude love ‘em thick, so it aint just them thick girls tryna get to a black man but also the message u bring accross e.g when u’re in da club, or mingle with ppl like in college.
    If u play your cards right u’re not gonna be forced to go home with the lest expected but with desired.
    I’ll advice u to bigg up n be the man next time u’re in da club. U got a prestig as a man, nomatter what ya skin colour says and them good lookin or modeltype of girls(i would say every woman) wanna see that in u!!!
    In a notshell some of this thick females comes to us cuz they believe we’re easy to have and bros like u or ya friend who’s made it a must, to go home wit somethin to hit on are proves to their believes.
    Dont get scared i’m also an African immigrant in the middle of the western world and yes i’m in love wit a beautiful and intelligent young lady. Anybody can get to where i am just be yourself and let love flow its easy right???
    Keep ya Head up
    God bless!

  • By Ben Kraus, January 17, 2010 @ 9:01 pm

    I found your article by mistake via google, and I must say, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your content. What caught my eye was the “Carnivore” sign as I remember enjoying many nights there one summer interning for IMC in Nairobi. In regards to your observations and conclusion, I, too, have made very similar conclusions over the years. Interestingly enough, i find the exact opposite is true in regards to Asian men. Being asian myself, I was amazed at how much female attention I have gotten from African women over the years.

  • By Paul Watson, January 24, 2010 @ 2:18 pm

    Wow….. what a collection ! and a damn good read…thx Mwangi. I am madly in love with a Zambian girl…… yes I have realised eventually (after being married n divorced to 2 blue eyed girls) that I am more attracted to dark eyed girls and find dark skin more attractive…. most white girls just don’t do it for me, even if I can see they are attractive and admire their beauty. Hoping to work out how we can be together here in Perth.

    Whatever….as long as you treat each other with respect, just follow your heart and not any bad attitudes or expectations…. good people are good people. If you find the right person for you….. move the earth to be with her/him.

  • By admin, January 27, 2010 @ 5:20 pm

    @Ben: Noooo waayyy, for real? I have always looked for that pairing but it’s quite rare to find ( especially native Asian with native African, Westernized Asians and Africans, might be more common ).

    In what country do you get this attention?

  • By cullen, February 7, 2010 @ 5:16 pm

    Mwangi, this is a stupid article. It is insulting to women and African people. It subscribes to the stereotype which makes it impossible for black people to gain respect in an increasingly diverse world. And, it is very poorly written. Next time your write, pause and read it again before posting or better still don’t offer you unsolicited racialized poorly informed advice about interracial relationships. These are ideas the world can surely do without.

  • By Irene, February 8, 2010 @ 7:28 am

    This article made me sad, because it’s so true! Most women in the West suffer from low self-esteem, due to advertisements, constantly bombarding us with images of the ‘perfect woman.’

  • By Don't be jealous, February 11, 2010 @ 1:28 am

    To say that White women and Black men must have problems (i.e. overweight, low self esteem) only shows how you dislike these people together. If you must know, there are plenty of quality interracial couples together in which the man and woman could pick and choose anyone they want. So, don’t try to make readers believe that the only way they are together is because something is wrong. You are only showing your jealously and hatred for interracial dating. In other words, get a life.

  • By B, February 14, 2010 @ 8:00 am

    Just holding my hand up to represent the white women who are not overweight, suffer from low self esteem, drug addiction, over exposure to interracial porn or indeed unattractive…. and happen to be in a relationship with a good looking, successful black man… :)

    But I can, kind of see where you are coming from.. some women can be like that.. but certainly not all :)

  • By Gwoni, February 18, 2010 @ 3:09 pm

    Shanna, your friend is an idiot. Shes deserves what she gets. Grow up, the world is a dangerous place, people need to be more careful. People need to be responsible for their actions. You westerners are so naive, childish and easily fooled. Show got what she deserved.

  • By Eve, March 2, 2010 @ 4:32 pm

    The thing you have to remember about Australia is that it’s unique in the way it was founded – by an underclass from England (convicts) who were thrown out by the upper-class from England (lords). Therefore, the founders of the country come from very humble origins, and were basically dumped here to fend for themselves. Most convicts were male. Then, the English decided to send out a ship to Australia, called Lady Juliana in 1790, with nothing but female convicts. The men in Australia really resented the presence of women in their predominantly ‘blokes world,’ and it’s been the same way ever since!

    So, when foreign men come and visit, they’re usually very popular with women, because women are so used to being ignored/ridiculed/bullied here. You said that initially, women were ’swooning’ over your accent. And that sounds about right! But women are so accustomed to feeling unwelcome, that I think foreign men need to make a bit of an effort, and show that you’re actually interested in them. Because otherwise, women here will just assume that you act like typical Australian men! Like The Supremes song goes, “Love don’t come easy/It’s a game of give and take.”

  • By nkosi, March 25, 2010 @ 7:59 am

    hi everybody. its been a while since i been on here. i never thought this thread would continue past the time i left it..so i guess i’ll rejoin.

    @Eve yours is probably the best post on understanding the psyche of an Australian woman that i have ever read. i studied in Melbourne for 3 years and couldn’t quite understand what the ‘aloofness’ (for lack of a better word) of the Australian woman was quite about. i will testify that Australia is the most ‘blokey’ country i have ever come across.

    someone here says this post is offensive to african men? how so? i mean the stereotype of the fat ugly white woman/ black man is not one which we african men are proud of (its quite disturbing actually!), but Mwangi was merely ‘keeping it real’..with regards to observations in Melbourne…and we as african men have to respect that

  • By Fern, March 26, 2010 @ 4:36 am


  • By abe, March 26, 2010 @ 8:28 am

    I’m African and moved to the US at the age of 9 and i just recently turned 18. I believe that the poster of this article has major self esteem issues seeing how he has put all this effort to ridicule his own race by displaying this inferior mentality. Are you aware that most of your so called “positive” comments for your article are from racist white men who are only giving you props for acknowledging their outlook on interracial relationships? I for one do not give a fuck what white people or any other racial groups think of me because my mom raised me to be strong and proud of my culture and my race because that is who i am. I don’t blame the white man for any of my problems because i know i have the power and ability to change any circumstance that i dislike. When ppl ask me why i don’t live in Africa if I’m so proud of my country i ask them what white people are doing in south Africa. I think we all know what westerners have been doing for the past few centuries in order to gain the upper hand economically. The weak and unaware sit back hopelessly as they’re being fed countless propaganda until their brain is completely washed. I always feel disappointed when i look at my people and see then placed at the bottom of EVERYTHING and very few are doing anything to change what’s happening. The think i don’t understand is why most of us fail to see the importance of education. They got us on baketball courts and dance floors for their entertainment and now we got a white man suited in black skin to satisfy us. I love all my brothers and sisters no matter if they’re African or black American but there are countless African American individuals who want to have nothing to do with Africa. No matter how many centuries you’ve spent in the US, you will always be known as a person of African descent hence this label “African-American.” I am not claiming you are not happy with yourself but please speak for yourself when you write articles. As for white women….there’s nothing about them that makes them more desirable than women of other races. I don’t know about you but many white women who are not overweight, ugly, drug addicts…etc.. Have been highly attracted to me so i don’t really find your article to be factual

  • By Eve, March 30, 2010 @ 10:50 am

    Thank you, Nkosi! I read your post about ethnic tensions in Africa, too, and it was very insightful. I heard a radio program on the BBC World Service the other day about a group of women returning to Rwanda, 15 years after the massacre of the Tutsi people. It seems many returning survivors have forgiven the perpetrators of the massacres, and people on both sides of the conflict are now living peacefully again. I think that is an incredible act of forgiveness, and it reminded me of Nelson Mandela when he was released from jail.

    Yes, I’m afraid Australia is one big ‘bloke’s world.’ You’ll have to forgive those of us who indulge in little romantic fantasies about foreign men! Haha…My friend and I went to see the romantic movie ‘Dear John’ a few weeks ago, and the majority of the audience were girls, who were sobbing during much of the film. They were probably thinking, “Why can’t Australian men care about us like that American man in the movie?” :)

  • By Lamin Bayo, April 2, 2010 @ 1:18 am

    I am a good looking young man with high sense of humor, i did like good and strong friendship and dislike lies and games, i am really looking for strong and endless friendship. i am single with no kids and searching for my real date despite color difference. what i believe in is humanity, i feel that all human beings are one the difference is colored. I hope to meet someone of the same thoughts so that we can make a good life after all.

    I am from Africa, the Gambia and i am not here for money but rather im here for my soul mate. i pray to God to bring me a good and caring woman who will like me for who i am and not what i am. this world is all about challenges, you may think that something is good for you whiles its the worst for you, and think that something is worst for you whiles it is the best for you, but all you need to do is to give it try and prayer let the good God make it your success in it.

    I am a Muslim and i believed the religion, i love my country, my race because that is what God gave me. I wish to meet a good woman of my dream. distance communication is hard to trust because of some bad elements out there, but when you think of the other side it, then you will come to know that there are still some good and humble people within us, but you cant judge who is who.

    I prayer for every member in this site a success in their endeavors and their dreams come true with their choice of life. here are my contact details for anyone who wish to try chance with me lams500@yahoo.com

  • By mike brown, April 21, 2010 @ 4:32 am

    I’m a black westernized male..I have been with plenty of white females…Autsralian,american and european…I have never experienced these 5 classes of WW you speak of dude.
    Honestly I do not know what you’re talking about.Every chic i’ve been hasnt had sef esteem problems or been overweight etc etc..I’ve been with professonal woman chief.I just think you dont have any game dude…lol..seriously.Stop digging thru the trash can kunte kinte..

  • By admin, April 21, 2010 @ 9:13 am

    @mike brown: This article is nearing on 3 years old and one of the major distinctions that has become glaringly apparent to me over this time is that this is much more a culturally specific article than a race specific article. By and large for westernized Africans who have either grown up abroad or been socialized abroad, this article is totally irrelevant. This article is specifically for Africans who were raised up in Africa and are either fresh off the boat or landed in America or Australia – the other countries story also tends to differ from what I can gather – as fully developed adults.

    There was a guy from the UK I had discussions with a while back, read through his ideas for more on this distinction.

  • By admin, April 21, 2010 @ 9:16 am

    @abe: Refer to the comments to mike brown. I have the blessed position of sitting in some cultural middle where I have been able to see how westernized Africans and home grown Africans act, live, love and dare I say it lust, and I can tell you the differences are quite dramatic.

    As for the self-esteem issues, what I describe still happens to this day, perhaps it may be a reflection that the ideas of Biko, Frantz and the afrocentrist movement are just as relevant and needed today as they always have been.

  • By Bentley, April 27, 2010 @ 7:16 am

    i studied at Syracuse Uni, NY and finished in 2001. there were lots of black men from middle class backgrounds i knew who dated attractive, smart, educated white women. i dated white women too let me tell you that as an african dating african american women is more difficult than other women in the Usa, the 5 stereotypes you listed apply to black men from ghettoes or just plain ignorant black men who hate black women. unlike us africans there are black men who hate their women badly and will go for even the ugliest white woman over any pretty black one. these stereotypes dont apply to middle class and/or educated and/or successful black men.
    i won’t argue, since in the USA, there lots of ‘white elephants’ ie obese white ladies with black men but also lots of wonderful, attractive white women with black men. take your pick! depending on where you are in the USA mwangi you will get hit on by the attractive white girls as well as the ugly, frumpy, humpty and black wannabe white ones; yes please believe that some of ‘kilogrammically challenged’ ones as you so put it are that daring. funny thing is some of the ugly white girls think they are doing you a favour as a black man. those are what i call ‘liberal-racists’ and you can’t avoid it because white women greatly outnumber black men, its like avoiding mosquitoes. a smart, articulate guy like you mwangi can get any women so why worry about such women? just get yourself a nice white girl and forget the rest. i leave you with a short youtube video nicely explaining, using eye catcing imagery, where that stereotype of the black men + fat women came from. this video was directed to fat black women by an educated black man who tries to show like i explained above why that stereotype don’t apply to all black men. it applies for white women as well. watch

  • By deetee, May 1, 2010 @ 3:10 pm

    this is a fuckin racial site u dumb fuck whiteboys really believe ur all that its funny u cant go up to a black guy and say this

  • By Omartt Archangel, May 16, 2010 @ 9:21 pm

    I appreciate everyone’s views on this blog though am new here and intend to bless you all in Jesus’ name.I like it best when people of different races tend to exchang ideas about cultures and stuff like that.But then i have this jungle fever like i need to fall i love with a fine hearted in Christ white chic.Plz no hackers scum msgs to my net.Feel good yall.OmarttArchangel

  • By Mike, May 25, 2010 @ 11:27 pm

    this is the holy grail.

  • By Adolf Hitler, May 27, 2010 @ 4:39 am

    To all fucking white women who love black cocks, let me tell you, you may think its enjoyable BUT there`s a hidden thing you arsehole`s dont know about, First blacks have a high tendency to get aids, Second they are always the first to die in this world and why? because they grow too fast thats why?! Third they love to plant seeds and infect us with their virus, go back to your slavery blacks arsehole`s!!!!! read your history black cotton pickers!!!! Sieg Heil…..specially for mwangi in his support for anti-black cock……..

  • By Adolf Hitler, May 27, 2010 @ 4:42 am

    you white women are pure!!!! dont let those black subspecies infect you!!!! you are naturally pure and white, we must uphold our racial purity and we must cleanse this world of those inferior races….example?? blacks, jews and so on

  • By Laura Lemay, May 28, 2010 @ 3:05 am

    Hi there :-) I’m in Canada, and I loved your article on white women that date black men. In Canada, there’s another category, to which I exist, hot aging smarties who are not interested in being ‘babies mammas’ for anyone, black or white, and can’t resist the beauty and spirit of the African immigrant/refugee–especially given the dearth of desirable white men once one crosses the ’40s threshold! Y’all age well! :-)
    Peace, Laura
    p.s. Your friend who “sits and wait for the white girl to come flirt with them” is experiencing the already discovered ploy of the attractive female: just sit and look pretty, and they will come. While you certainly have to weed out the creepies, I think that freaky usually attracts freaky, so . . .

  • By anonymous, June 30, 2010 @ 5:11 am

    Katherine as an African American poster, I find what you say plausible that there are many interracial couples out there who find love for genuine reasons.Hey, I will venture to say that I find it highly plausible that alot of people are just plain compatible. Whether these couples find compatibility due to similar outlooks, similar interests, similar goals, or similar backgrounds, I find the experiences of genuine interracial unions highly plausible-for alot of them.
    But not all of them. I have seen what Mwangi has seen so far and he is not alone. Mwangi’s post has a good grain of truth to it. Honestly, however unpleasant it may be to you being involved in a genuine one,I have seen the fat white woman with the black man enough to know that Mwangi may not that off the mark-at all; and yes, this was in the U.S. Nevertheless, racism being the order of the day that it is everywhere, this phenomenon exist in places outside the U.S. so to paint the U.S. as if it is such a “special case” with it being nearly non-existent everywhere else is a fallacy. Not to say that it not more obvious or maybe even more noticed since it is probably more reported in the U.S., but the US is not the only place with this problem.
    Also,unpleasant though this may be, people pick up the stereotypes and views they grew up with/around them unless they get other experiences or find out otherwise. Until then, whether we like it or not people judge each other by stereotypes, until they get further information. Even then, some folks still may hold stereotypes due to bias. Or being sheltered. That is just the way that is-at least for now. Things can change, but that hasn’t happen yet. But speaking of being sheltered, if I don’t know much of a group and I have never been exposed to them outside of stereotypes, there is a large guarantee that I will look at the group in question in that light since I have nothing else to go by. Especially if I have no other reference to go by to refute my potentials bias.
    Either way,people might need to reconsider judging interracial couples through a biased lens. But the truth be told, some of these observations have a ring of truth to them and calling Mwangi racist, poorly uneducated, or sheltered may not change the observations on the ground at all-however unpleasant he may sound. I have heard a few white comedians observe the same thing-and some of these people date black women!

  • By anonymous, June 30, 2010 @ 6:00 am

    Saying all that I said earlier, what I got from the author is that he is saying that it would be great for the white women doing this to stop getting into these relationships for dumb reasons like “gender”myths and coolness. That it would not be a bad idea to date someone mainly because you simply like/love them instead of the foolishness above. This goes for both parties. To the black men, he is saying that the ones doing this should have enough standards and self worth to know that they do not have to date white women that have something wrong with them. That it might be a great idea, if you are going to date these women, to date them because of reasons of compatability/like/love instead of foolishness instead of what you can get out of her.

  • By admin, July 5, 2010 @ 3:45 pm

    @anonymous: You probably should have left your name in your comments because what you said makes a lot of sense to me.

  • By Louise, July 13, 2010 @ 8:11 pm

    Interesting article.
    I’m a white Canadian married to a Senegalese man. We met and still live in Asia, and I can categorically state that we fit into none of your stereotypes and are genuinely crazy about each other.
    However, as much as it pains me, I have to say I agree with so much of what you’ve said…. I’ve heard that it is much worse in the US – but, even here in Asia, there is much evidence of your arguments,and yes, I would say that many of the African men/white women relationships, or perhaps I should say interactions, that I have seen do fit into your descriptions.
    In a purely superficial sense I often see young African men with women who don’t appear to be their equals.. It’s very hard to define what I mean, but it’s SO easy to spot.
    Sometimes you see a couple that just don’t make sense and it is OBVIOUS that the relationship is not built on genuine love…. Old, white European men with young Thai women is another example, 27-year old women with 80 year old billionaires is another..

    However – I also know of quite a few white women who thought they were genuinely in love with an African man, only to find that after they were married and had lived as husband and wife for the amount of time required for an independent visa, their “husbands” cut all ties with them. I know first-hand of women who found out after they were married that their husbands have other wives in Africa that their families had even hushed up.
    So, I think it’s fair to say that not all African men have pure intentions, and are more than capable of using white women.
    Actually, I would venture to say that this is becoming more and more common. Many of my husband’s friends are married to foreign women, but admit to each other they are only married for a visa and have no interest in the women they share their life with.. Some of these women seem to know and accept this, but others, sadly, have no idea.

    I wonder how all of this happened? Why does it seem like so many of the relationships between African men and white women are based on ulterior motives rather than love and respect?

    It makes me so sad. My husband and I are very happy together and love the fact that we come from different cultures. We are constantly learning about each other, and through that, learning tolerance and compassion.

    The last thing I’ll say is directed to the white women who have taken offence at this article because they are in a happy relationship with an African man… Don’t worry – when you are genuinely in love people can tell and no matter what others may think, say or do, nothing can touch or change that…
    BUT there is definitely something very wrong with the way many white women view and treat African men and vice-versa.

  • By Sally, July 17, 2010 @ 11:12 am

    Hi there. I stumbled across this site and have read through your blog and mist of the responses. It really saddens me that people are still judging each other and putting us voluptuous girls in one bag. I understand that this is something that has been observed by many chocolate men, and it may be true that larger girls are attracted to fine black men, but my question is have you ever asked a bigger lady why she is attracted to them? I myself am curvy, not obese, and I love the brothers. It all came about when I was at church, and seen an interracial couples baby boy. I was at the age of 12 and from the first day I seen that gorgeous mixed baby I thought Im going to marry an African man that can give me some beautiful children. Over the years I began to appreciate so many fine qualities and assets a black man has. For me personally, it’s that warm dark skin. Can’t keep my hands off it. Brothers have this smoothness about them that white men dream of getting. I’ll admit that all women and probably white men are curios about size etc, but we all need to remember, it’s not the size that counts- it’s what you can do with it! So to finalize my point, I would like to say that if you have a certain desire it may not be a result of poor
    confidence or size. It’s an attraction that lies deep within you that you have got from some life
    experience. In my opinion it takes a lot of confidence to chat up a sexy black man. The challenge
    is to keep him happy so that he doesn’t stray. I hope that in some way I have given you all another perspective, and that we all learn to accept each other no matter what race, size etc. You should love someone for their heart and not be so narrow minded(even if it is the norm). Thanks :-)

  • By Laura Lemay, July 18, 2010 @ 2:07 am

    just commenting on the gal who talked about curvy women liking black men not necessarily being a low self-esteem thing, and i totally agree–I love my curves. And she’s right about it taking courage to chat up a hot black guy, but i find they come to me usually ;-) Finally, about the challenge to keep them happy to keep them from straying: not possible: if they are going to stray, they will no matter what. I’ve seen it over and over, even seen a guy telling others how good his woman is to him, but he doesn’t want to be monogamous. This is NOT a judgement on this lifestyle because I have several black men in my life :-) And, no ALL black guys are not like this. My point is, don’t try to change any man–it’s futile and they react badly to it anyway.

  • By nkosi, July 21, 2010 @ 5:38 am

    @Louise..of all the white women who’ve commented on this blog, no post makes as much sense or speaks as much truth as yours. at least a female finally understands what the likes of me and Mwangi have been trying to say all along. to the 2 ladies talking about white women & courage i approcahing black men, let me tell you first hand that a lot of good looking black men get approached by ugly fat white women everyday. i dont believe this is bcos of courage – if you saw african men dating white women who don’t appear to be their equals (as Louise so aptly put it), doesn’t it make sense (hypothetically speaking) that as an ugly, fat white woman you’d subconsciously believe getting a black man was easy?! i have dated attractive women interracially but never a white woman. I have been approached by quite number of white women, most of them being downright fat and ugly..right in melbourne Australia – a city that is highly infested with attractive women of all races and nationalities…and i don’t mean to bust my bubble, i have been told many, many times I am handsome and being 6ft 2inches isn’t exactly a disadvantage either; why then is it that i have never been approached by obviously unattractive women of any other race..except white women? that’s cos unfortunately some of my African brothers have given white women the belief that ‘we’ll date you just because your skin is white, even if you lack in every other area of your life’ – sad but true. i have seen african men though, step up their standards with other women e.g the african men i knew dating Sri Lankan women were definitely not dating ‘beneath’ themselves. I can tell you the few Sri Lankan women who gave me hints of interest were so attractive i felt very intimidated by one and i even chickened out..no fat, ugly Sri Lankan woman has ever stepped up to me. i’m just giving an example to show the contrast of what i’m trying to say. when a white women steps up to a black men its often cos of desperation and/or a conscious or unconscious superiority complex (i.e “i may not be good enough for white men, but surely not black men”) having said that though, i do know black guys who date attractive white women..but this is the exception (always has been!) and not the rule! – and that right there is the problem

  • By Rump Buster, August 10, 2010 @ 4:22 am

    lets be honest, u never see a good looking black man with a fat stank ass white bitch. everytime u see a black man with a big fat stanky white whore, he looks just like her or she’s got money. be honest, u never see a fine black man with a big fat ugly ass white woman. and thats real. whoever says different is a dumb ass liar wishing.

  • By Rump Buster, August 10, 2010 @ 4:34 am

    p.s., its not black men’s fault that white men have such small dicks, so get over it. and to the person who started this dumb ass discussion, dont get mad becasue the only women that want your ass are ugly ass fat ass white bitches with low self esteem. that sounds like a personal problem to me. u must be ugly your damn self.

  • By Rump Buster, August 10, 2010 @ 4:43 am

    and to be honest, no woman who has self esteem and looks nice, wants an ugly super black ass african like you. wearing a colorful dress. u sound like a jealous sissy mad because no woman wants u but big fat ass ugly white women. i mean what do u expect with your round heads and tiny bodies. looking like feed the children. and yall 3rd world dirt eaters have the nerve to talk crazy about black americans. but if u got to a real african city that actually has electricity, they’re doing nothing but imitating black americans. so get over your black ass self, and go fuck your big fat ugly ass stanky white bitch. or man, cause african men are very bi-sexual.

  • By Kenduke, August 17, 2010 @ 7:58 am

    To everyone,

    It’s true and would absolutely agree that there is an inexplicable chemistry (I’d call it) between African men and curvy white women; after all being big means healthy and beautiful where I hail from. Before I came to UK 14 years, I never took notice of any white women but after a few relationships with African/black women (they have so many material issues) went tits up, I found myself turning my head every time a white chic wiggled her bits past me. I developed an inner conflict and would go to the clubs, get hooked up but always have something nagging at back of my mind telling me this ain’t right!! It seemed so surreal that a pussy can come along that cheap contrary to Blacks/Asians who want the world before you can even touch their knickers and you eventually touch, you become a perennial mobile bank. Every black lad who has been there knows the drill! I am settled now and have a big family; a prospect that suffused me with dread before. These white women have a golden heart and they give up everything for you, the distinction comes when the woman is willing to learn and respect you like an Africa male; we wear trousers in this realm! Don’t get me twisted here; our gals are brilliant but they are so rooted to their families which mean they will always be skint as fuck all the bloody time; they are very frugal and understandably, it’s coz demands from their native country are too high!

    There was a guy by name Nomad who posted some comments here and I would want to shed some light about the jungle of misery that many British Black men live in. It’s not everyone but majority of B/blacks are disillusioned and they don’t know who they are; they struggle their identities. They were bullied, called all racist names in the universe and treated with cruelty; they grow up trying to justify themselves and the only way they feel they can get noticed is having a relationship with a white gal. even at work they dont feel comfortable in the midst of immigrant Africans, they shun them. Open your eyes and you will realise that 99% B/black celebrities marry white women, why? conversely, in USA it’s a very different scenario, they mostly stick to their own. British black men suffer from extreme inferiority complex to an extent of harming themselves. One very intelligent dude I met in Uni disappointed me big time; he won lotto money and paid tkt for his mum to fly to her ancestral home in Caribbean and I asked him why he has never traveled there to see his relatives and he said, “I don’t want to get dark”. Sorry ass! You are black, I wiped the floor with him and could not believe that people can be manipulated to deny their identities by an inefficient system designed to sweep pressing issues under the carpet rather than facing up and addressing them; this is recklessness that will have shattering consequences in the future. This is not an isolated case, I have witnessed worse things than that. it’s normal to see everybody smiling at you here in Britain while deep inside they are burning with hatred. I detest and abhor pretence of any nature and I find it very disrespectful. However, a lot of British people are very kind, polite and thoughtful; it would harsh not to highlight that. Be black and be proud, God made man from clay(mud)! Angels in heaven are golden! One day black commodity will be scarce! Fuck Hitler, he still remembers Jesse Owen in the after life; how cool is that! Food for thought! Thanks Mwangi for igniting old flames.

  • By Fania, August 31, 2010 @ 2:49 pm

    You are hilarious!! I am an ethiopian woman and found this article when I googled “why do men cheat”.

    I do find your article to be funny and very well written but quite offensive to a white woman.

    When I see a black man with a white woman, I make nothing of it. But I stare in question and amazement. Most time I find the white lady is pretty and the guy super ugly. And I also find the woman is overtly trying to show HIM off while he avoids making eye contact with me.

    I am in an interracial marriage and my children are bi-racial. Both my husband and I do not behave in that manner and I think it does have something to do with self-esteem, you are somewhat right. I find that if you are trying to prove to show off your mate than obviously self-esteem issue is at hand.

    Nonetheless, thanks for the laugh and if there’s a fat white chick with a black man, more power to ya but please don’t flaunt him cos 95% of the time he ffuuuuuuugggggllllyyy! lol

  • By Rump Buster, October 3, 2010 @ 10:28 am

    nobody wants a white woman,not even white men, thats why they dress them up in all kinds of face paint and hair extensions, and fake body parts. and now black women believe they need to do the same thing to compete with the ugly flat booty bitches. and the only reason a black man that looks good wants a big fat white woman is because he’s a fuckin broke bum using her for money.

  • By love u mwangi, October 21, 2010 @ 10:18 pm

    Hey Mwangi,
    I am a Kenyan living in Brisbane and I agree with you totally. I believe that you left out one group though. The older white woman. I have a lot of african male friends who are dating white women and they always seem to be old or “kilogramically challenged” as you so amusingly put it.
    From my observation these African guys normally go for the white woman with one primary goal and that is to secure citizenship. Sadly they prey on easy targets who have no or limited options when it comes to men. Even if they already have secured their citizenship they still go for the fat ones as they are not so picky and are thus easier to fuck.Yes I said it.. sorry.The reverse is somewhat true too… most african gals date old or ugly white gals to get paper too . For those of you who dont believe this club casablanca in brisbane is the place to go. seeing is believing.

  • By Narrungga, December 7, 2010 @ 12:01 am

    from what ive seen both black men and white women are shamefull..both have no repect..the white woman are contaminating the dumb ass black man. He think he in front, but she is..the white woman is the most cunning and sly creature on earth. She is turning black men away from his morals and values. And those poor half breed kids. You African men think you all that..but let me tell you..you are just at fashion accessory to her, something that ’she’ can show off to her friends. You all dumbs ass.z

  • By Sissy, December 12, 2010 @ 1:29 am

    Your article was quite the eye opener. I am a white ‘kilogramatically’ challenged woman. and yes I’m older too so I fit your stereotypes. And yes have had black men hit on me numerous times. Have succumbed to their ‘charms’ on three occasions. These three “relationships” have been enough to teach me that it’s no big deal as the rumours would have it.
    But I’m not commenting here to dispell a rumour. What really kind of hurts is that I actually got rather sucked in by these guys. I thought they genuinely liked me until I learned that these guys were really just wanting the ‘white experience’ as a friend called it. Now this friend is a Sudanese male who was friends with these men and probably should not have let me in on the joke. But he really helped me when he explained where it was all at. That’s why I still call him a friend.
    He explained how many black men dream of getting a white girl just to see what it’s like and when I asked him why he explained it was because we love sex so much and really get into it and will do things African girls will not. For example, blowjobs which are very popular and every white girl I’ve spoken to since who has slept with an African guy, tells how surprised they were when the guy was in absolute raptures when he realised he was about to get one.
    He also said we don’t act all prissy and hard to get like Africa women. We are affectionate and welcoming apparently.
    So all you African women out there who complain and hate our guts for supposedly stealing your men you need to maybe take a good hard look at why they’re coming after us. Take care of your men in the bedroom department. Make them feel wanted and for God sake give them a blow job so they’ll leave us the hell alone cause that’s pretty much all they always ask for. They certainly don’t love us and most have no intention of actually pursuing a relationship.
    The married ones are particularly bad cause they don’t even see fucking a white girl as cheating, that’s how little we matter to them. And they have no problem coming to us when they’re wives are pregnant and don’t want sex. And the wives turn a blind eye cause they’re just happy not to be pestered for sex while pregnant so in effect they’re adding to the problem.
    I admit there are probably exceptions out there but I have yet to come across any. It’s a sad situation and certainly does not help race relations. Anyway have had my rant and I’m not off black men there’s good and bad in every race. Still maintain I will treat each on an individual basis but must admit to being a little more wary now as far as getting involved with them.

  • By Gitura, December 25, 2010 @ 11:25 pm

    Ok, this is just shallow, I am Kenyan living in Brisbane and in a relationship with a fit white woman and when I said “fit” I actually meant fit healthy living and career orientated white woman and yes, not your stereotypical kilograms challenged white women.

    In a corporate world, you’ll realise that there is somewhat a large demand for a handsome career-oriented black men and this is very true indeed,

  • By Mwangi, December 26, 2010 @ 2:57 am

    @Gitura: Quick question, are you suggesting that women wanting men for the reasons in the article is shallow whereas women wanting a man simply because he is handsome and has a career isn’t? R u sure shallow was the word you were after?

  • By Hibo, January 7, 2011 @ 3:51 am


    I am stunt and awed that no one saw your post as a bashing of African men. You have not only degraded Africans you have actually made them sound like scumbags that have been shipped off to Western worlds to be used by white women for sexual satisfaction who couldn’t otherwise attain it from their white counter parts. It pierces my heart to see you reduce not just African men but yourself as well to nothing but a dickhead with no brain (of course u r African.. and I hope you know you just defined yourself with this post). It’s just a reflection of how low your self-esteem runs and how much of sadist you are.

    And NO am not a man. I am an African Woman.

  • By Mwangi, January 7, 2011 @ 10:15 pm

    @Hibo: I am at least happy that you recognize that at the end of this article it is the African man who comes out looking worst and with the most distance they have to go, I am surprised many people, especially white women seemed to overlook this fact.

  • By Nkosi, February 5, 2011 @ 2:35 am

    there is something i would like to clarify. just bcos you date interracially does not mean you are not racist. I have heard many a black woman complain that a lot of white woman who date black man will talk crap about black men and/or women of colour in general…this seems to be a common theme when it come to interracial relationships in the West..you have fat, bitter, jealous White/non-black chicks that can’t get a man of their own race and are desperately trying to compete with Black women for Black mens attention…

    ..and if black men are honest, they know that a lot of white women are exactly like this

  • By Nkosi, February 5, 2011 @ 2:37 am

    sorry i meant “they will talk crap about black women”

  • By Aleksandra, February 11, 2011 @ 12:37 am

    Hi Mwangi,
    I’m a white woman currently going out with an African man. You’re stereotypes don’t apply to me – luckily – please put up a category: normal woman who just happens to have met a seemingly nice fellow…

    I see the things happen you describe. It’s no wonder, though. With people from faraway countries often you don’t understand their culture and often they don’t seem to have a clue about the rules of your society, neither. You can’t check on them whether they’re just little thieves and maybe disappear leaving you behind pregnant. Do they have jobs, incomes? They don’t have family in your country you could turn to for help. In short, they’re less desirable partners and therefore often get women who don’t have so much of a choice and need to take bigger risks. It’s logical.

  • By Fiona Reid, February 18, 2011 @ 12:27 pm

    I’m found this post after googling ‘why do Ugandan men like white women?’ and I googled that because I can’t believe my luck with my new man. I have to say that this post has left me wondering if he is after me for my fully stocked fridge! You see, we met through our modelling work. In my opinion he is absolutely gorgeous and he seems to think the same about me, or so he says. I know that googling my question does question the level of my self esteem but my modelling work and constant requests for dates, and I do mean constant, suggest to me that even though I am 43, I’m very fortunate with my looks. I’m not a stick thin model but I’m not fat. I am a well toned curvy dress size 14 with a great chest! I have waist length dark brown hair and big, attractive blue eyes. I have an IQ of 123 and I’m a trained chef. I know what you’re thinking – ‘She’s an old girl, flattered by a young guy who she keeps hold of by feeding him’ – well, so far I haven’t cooked for him. He has cooked for me, twice. We go out and he always pays. He insists on it but I am a modern woman and force him to take my financial contribution, however small. Its only fair as we’re both earning. We have slept together but I certainly wasn’t attracted to him because of the myth about what was in his trousers. He has been blessed in that department but wouldn’t win any size competitions. The only other black guy I had a relationship with wasn’t blessed in that way at all so that prosect wasn’t something I considered at all – I just really fancy my man and couldn’t wait to get passionate with him! Out of the bedroom, he is intelligent, interesting, funny, complimentary, polite, a true gent and a lovely protector. He works out daily and anyone looking for a guy to do drugs with would surely be barking up the wrong tree? Neither of us do drugs. So, I’m left still wondering what it is he sees in me, but not so much now. If your opinion, that African guys usually get keep with the fat girls wit low self esteem, or the girls looking for a big trousers snake or a toker looking to score, I guess my man may well be googling something like ‘what does am elegant English white lady see in me?’ Maybe I’ll stop asking the questions and just enjoy what I’ve got. Its all very new at the moment but I hope he sticks around long enough to realise that if I’m treated right, I’ll do anything for him and enjoy making him happy. Thanks for reading.

  • By ladydianna, February 27, 2011 @ 2:00 pm

    Thank you for writing this. As a white woman who was in love with an African man and who fits into your categories I can relate. It held a mirror up to my face. And I’m changing my course accordingly.

  • By Jolima, March 22, 2011 @ 12:08 pm

    I am a black girl and I like white men, I feel the black man is lazy and looks for a low white female to keep him in food so he can watch television on day. It the white woman want him, this is what she will get, there are enougn
    white trash around to give him this, good luck honky.

  • By Adjoa, May 26, 2011 @ 11:38 pm

    You are an extremely ignorant and racist woman, and it is sad their are other ignorants like you in the world. I am a mature woman in a committed relationship with a Black man who is originally from Africa. I am a published book author,consider myself confident,have a healthy dose of self-esteem,and because I take extreme good care of my health..going to the gym several times a week,& eating healthy, I look younger than my age. Based on the comments I hear, I am regarded as very attractive. I am blonde and fair skinned. Since i can remember I have always had an attraction for males with darker skin. I am simply NOT physically attracted to someone who is like ME;fair skinned. I find the contrast between dark skin and white skin very sexy,much in the same way some men have a sexual or physical preference for women who are larger busted, or for petite asian women, etc. These preferences simply have to do with how we are internally wired.I can say with all honestly that the Black man I am in a relationship with treats me better……..and makes me feel more loved and like a woman than any white man I have ever known. He is exremly intelligent, college educated, has a beautiful mind,very romantic,and simply a man above most men.Again, I take GREAT offense to your hateful and ill-informed ‘article’ (use that term loosely)and it is hatemongers like you who are the cause of racism in the world. Shame on you!

  • By Mwangi, May 27, 2011 @ 6:56 am

    @Adjoa: Initially when I would read responses such as yours, I tried to explain that relationships such as yours are the reason this article exists. However, these many years later, I am reading your comment and struck by just how narcissistic it is. This article was not meant to speak to you or assist you. I do not mind or discourage you from reading it at all, but it was not meant for you.

    The closest metaphor I can think of to describe what you have just done, is going into your business partners offices and criticising their operations manual. If you truly are as beautiful and together as you say, which I have no reason to think you are not, then this article was written to begin the discussion about how more African men can meet more women such as yourself while in the diaspora.

    In short, please get off your high horse. It was cute 200 articles ago, but at this stage the narcissism miffs me somewhat. That being said, I send nothing but love and good vibes your way, no hate meant.

    PS: I am a man :)

  • By Adjoa, May 27, 2011 @ 12:15 pm

    Mwangi, Your reply makes little sense to me since, this is my first time here, first time reading or replying to this article,and as I have no idea when it was posted, if you are tired of the 200+ comments, dont take it out on me, a newbie. It is also ridiculous for you to say the article is not meant for me. When you post something on the web publicly, it becomes public fodder. I have a right to my opinion, and as I DID take offense to the article, I also have a right to express it. If you dont like what I had to say, then get off your own high horse and realize I am trying to give credit where credit is due…………because not all white women who date black men are as the article states(over-weight,low self-esteem,depressed, etc)………….and not all Black men mistreat women, are lazy,unemployed etc. I have every right to reply, and to defend someone (a black man from w.africa)who is very special to me. What you hear is not arrogance,but simply standing up against the worst type of racism and stereotyping.Lastly, the one thing we agree on is that I think if more white women would take off their race blinders, yes, there is a whole big beautiful world of color out there that can be different, exciting,exotic,sensual,beautiful,etc.

  • By Mwangi, May 27, 2011 @ 12:48 pm

    @Adjoa: First of all, as I said before, I have no ill intent towards you. First off I don’t deny that this is a public forum, that is 100% true.

    However, I still hold to my point of view that you should temper your indignation.

    When reading the article you should be cognisant of the fact that since it wasn’t written for you, there are things about it that will never make sense. If I wanted to make a criticism of shows such as the L Word or Queer as Folk, I couldn’t just go all out and then say that I can do it because I have a friend who is gay. I couldn’t do that because there are nuances spiked into those shows that only someone who is gay would get.

    In addition to that, notice that almost no African ( at least I can’t think of one off the top of my head) man from the diaspora has been as critical as white women. Instead, many African men have either agreed with me, chuckled and nodded their head in agreement or just dismissed me as crazy.

    Perhaps it might be that the people you are defending so vehemently don’t want or need to be defended.

    Yet again, welcome to my humble abode full of idiosyncratic rumblings, pull up a chair and stay as long as you like :)

  • By Adjoa, May 27, 2011 @ 1:01 pm

    no worries. We are just discussing. I dont know if it has to do with the area of africa you were from; perhaps their are different views toward white women, but as my guy was from west africa, I can tell you with certainty HE does not share your view, or else he obviously would not be with ME;-) On a different note, I read a comment of yours about what you feel is africas patriachial society. Does this hold true of west africa? I must ask because my guy is possessive of me and easily jealous,and has some very dominant aspects to his personality. Mind you, I am not complaining about it tho,and actually find it a big turn on to hear,see,know he wants me THAT much.Its all in how one looks at it, I suppose. I was just wondering if its simply his personality, or is this a w. african thing?

    Thank you for the welcome:-)

  • By Jessica, June 20, 2011 @ 2:06 am

    As a white woman who dates African men, this was quite amusing. When I first started dating black men, it was because I heard they liked big girls. I’m a big girl, not ugly, not huge, but not rail thin. I’d agree with many of these, at least for white women who are first starting their journey into the ‘black’ world, but I no longer feel like any of these pertain to me. I date African men because that’s what I want. They are gentler, they provide, they are intelligent and most are educated. They can’t keep their dicks to themselves but I guess that’s just something we have to deal with. Good post.

  • By Christoph, July 1, 2011 @ 7:56 pm

    I feel 100% percent where you’re coming from and you don’t have to explain one thing to these offended white chicks just because they realized how dumb they really look. You should have expanded the overweight category to “Overweight/Ugly Regardless of Weight”and I think most of these women talking about “I know I look good, ’cause in middle school a guy asked me out” would wake up. Every person getting mad has no right, and for the most part, they are most likely from all white neighborhoods and look at a black partner as cool….but us whites in the city are use to black people and look at them as regular everyday humans. Also, you should realize (or make further observations) that most of these chicks are Progressive Liberals and are consciously trying to get noticed and make a political statement, and trying to be controversial. Some white women (I think I read a comment from a woman above that fits this) date black men as to get a rouse out of white males, almost as if to get back at them for God knows what. They sometimes have white fathers that disapprove and its the ultimate act of rebellion. And in the end, all these chicks do is stir up animosity between the races…not only that, but the black men stir up hate between them and black women. In the end all you have is higher racial tensions in America…I feel like this guy

  • By Christoph, July 1, 2011 @ 7:56 pm


  • By Mwangi, July 2, 2011 @ 5:02 am

    @Christoph:I think the point you brought up is the seedy underbelly of this whole thing that is rarely brought up. To be quite frank, I was quite naive in that, I was always fully aware that many African women did it either fully or in part as an act of rebellion and a proverbial middle finger to their male counterparts but I never ever considered for years that perhaps white women were doing the same thing.

    Now I can definitely say that this act of rebellion against some white males somewhere plays a huge part in a large number of these interracial relationships. Black men have been positioned as the bottom of the totem pole, bad boy, mandingo experience by society and some women who either want to “talk a walk on the dark side” or want to either feel like a rebel or either rebel use unwitting African men as a pawn in their “Rebel without a cause” game.

    The really sad thing is that most African men keep it simple, they either wanna have some fun or some romance. Oh well, another interesting layer on what is already an interesting cake.

  • By Australian Paul, July 2, 2011 @ 11:02 am

    I’ve been lending a ear to this discussion for a couple of years now…..For god’s sake……. people are allowed be with whoever they want…..some people treat each other right and for ‘right ‘ reasons and some don’t…..some of us are insecure and some aren’t…..stop dissecting and analysing people to death…its their personal choice….. leave them the @#$% alone !!!

  • By HmmmOK, July 2, 2011 @ 7:57 pm

    So, what of the thin,good looking ones that seem to be in good spirits with there BLACK MAN? Also, why do you care if an FAT and unattractive WW does date and reproduce with a African Male? Wouldn’t there be more attractive ones for you? I think that it doesn’t matterrather or not she was unattractive, have low self-esteem,on drugs,ir have watched interracial porn. I think that the fat she’s with a BLACK man or Abboriginal that has you ticked off. I understand I too was a deep seeded racist.

  • By Jemma K, July 12, 2011 @ 12:01 pm

    I think you guys are terrible in categorizing heavier set girls and claiming the only reason we end up with African guys is because of low self-esteem. I don’t think there is any way that this is possible. What the truth is you probably cannot grasp, but there are some of us who are not the least bit superficial. When it comes to dating, the African man is beautiful, attactive and sexy. I hope that my African man is not dating me because he is desperate. That would be a real blow because I know I don’t live up to the western streotype.

  • By Heather, July 14, 2011 @ 8:22 am

    I sat here reading your blog thinking, wtf? I admit, I was slightly offended. But, then, I started reading replies that were even more stereotypical of white women than your blog was. LOL
    In response to those who believe that we’re super liberal, rebelling against parents, have low self esteem, are fat, ugly, engage in criminal activity, or want “to be down”. I’m a liberal conservative. I wasn’t raised to look at people as different. My parents didn’t care who I dated nor date now, so, there’s no need to rebel against them. Have no criminal record. ETC ETC. I’ve never talked shit about black women. To feed into any of the beliefs that we should remain separate (being black or white) is what feeds the racism in this country and all over the world.

    So…here’s my response to your post.
    I’m a 35 year old white woman, in the US, who not only dates black men, but, also younger men. I don’t pursue them, they chase me. Yes, I still get IDed when I go out.
    I’m not fat, nor skinny. Though I’m bigger than “average”. I’m described as thick.
    What you say is true, in some regards. And yes, it not only makes the white women look like dumbasses, but, also the African men who date them (or whatever you want to call it).
    My experiences with men from Africa, before I actually started dating them, were negative. From my experience, they were bossy, controlling, cheating, lying men. I swore I’d never date one. *again…another stereotype
    Now, I’ve dated a Kenyan, a couple of men from Gabon, a Liberian, and the guy who’s interested in me now is from Cameroon. I actually was googling what other women’s experiences with were with dating men from Cameroon. After my last experience with a man from Gabon, I swore I would never date another African man. LOL And here I am, considering it. There are good and bad people regardless of race or nationality.
    Seriously, the last experience (the 2nd guy from Gabon) sounded like he’d read your blog before. When I ended our friendship/relationship, he decided I was too old and too ugly for him. LOL I guess that remark DOES work with some women. He said that I was a typical old white bitch who chases after young boys (yes, he called himself a boy). He’s 27, which is actually older than the last boyfriend I had. All this, after months of him chasing me.
    And yet, his friends have told him he’s stupid for what he’s done.
    I know I’m rambling now, but, I wanted to thank you for writing this…however long ago it was. Those attitudes, sadly, still exist. And I think it’s evident where some narrow minded red neck hillbillies’ beliefs stand.

  • By anny, August 2, 2011 @ 1:24 pm

    LOL! I love your blog man you’re all right. I read your article and I was happy you wrote it. Keep up the great work love the humor and laid back style. Great pictures too! Hope you find what you are looking for :)

  • By Tatiana, August 15, 2011 @ 8:06 am

    I just came across this blog (funny how all comments start like that) and even though my boyfriend is african I must admit that I myself have noticed each and every one of those stereotypes, and its actually quite sad for both parties. The true tragedy though is not that these things happen but the fact that those stereotypes might even jeopardize wonderfully healthy relationships. Like mentioned my boyfriend is african and im (white) european and our relationship is WONDERFUL i found my soulmate and my best friend, but the tragedy is when people find out about my boyfriend being african (at least the ones that have not met him) I used to always feel like I need to justify everything to NOT appear like one of those stereotypes. It got to the point where i stopped caring luckily, but isnt that really sad though? I think if people in general where just more comfortable in their own skin we would have way fewer “victimes” of the stereotypes you described above?
    I went to an international school meaning i think 95% of the worlds countries was represented so in turn we did not even have ENOUGH kids from a nation for stereotypes to start so i grew up in a bubble and seeing the “real world” is actually pretty sad but its human nature to stereotype because thats what makes us feel comfortable and we all do it to some extent, but i do hope that people begin to have more of an open mind before making any pre judgements or assumptions

    and btw it seems i have been proven wrong but i still find it VERY hard to believe that some females chose black males because of their “mandingo” – the world really is not as sex obsessed as media tries to make it out to be (let me correct, western media)

  • By jill, August 27, 2011 @ 10:14 am

    hi , well i read what you put and laughed so much . you are very true in many ways . i am what you think is a stereo lol. i am over weight and yes living in England with its narrow minded people have got a low self image . im not ugly in side or out , i have come to realize that many people who are beautiful ( slim pretty ) dont always have good qualities ,many are self obsessed and can be very cruel to imperfections in others. i love a beautiful african man very much and by writing what you have you degrade the good men out there. do you not know that any woman with half a brain knows what you said is true for many men but women have needs at the end of the night same as you lol. they know you may not choose them if you had another option but for a short time they feel loved and sexy. most women who are fat have had to work on there personalities , and i think they have been raised to have food in the fridge by women who cared for there families and it was the sign of a good woman . the drugs thing i cant comment on as i dont do drugs . W hat i really wanted to say is , whats lost in england that i find in african man is the sense of joy and fun , when your eyes light up the world and you talk with intelligence and passion . im not saying english men are not intelligent but they for me have lost something my dad and uncles had , FUN. so please treat my sisters with love and respect , they may not have had much . god bless too all , if we believed what god said , all men women are made equal .

  • By Nubianspirit, September 7, 2011 @ 11:44 pm

    Hello there. I read and thoroughly enjoyed your article. I am a British born African woman and I must admit I have seen what you described in your blog and it has actually been confirmed my some of my friends who are big and white. I, myself am an overweight female working hard to lose weight, but I go out on dates and enjoy in general and I don’t take rubbish from any man just because I am big. I have quite a lot of confidence and it starts from within. I have been on dates with both black and white men and with men who like big women and even those who don’t and what I realise is that in the end, men just like a confident woman who shows that she feels good in herself. I have gone clubbing with my slim friends and my big friends at different clubs, but my big white friends prefer to go to clubs for bigger women which has more black African men on the scene than white. There have been times when I have sat down just to observe the people in the club and what I’ve seen is black going mainly for big white girls because the black women tend to not tolerate the way the men seem to grow eight hands and want to put them everywhere. Also it is guaranteed that they will be leaving with a white woman. I discussed this with my friends and they do agree that big white women are more accommodating than black women in more ways than one and one of my friends admitted that she preferred African men because white men don’t like big white women and if they wanted a big woman, they would rather she be black. Apparently we move differently and act differently, according to her.

    I do have to agree with Mwangi that quite a number of black African men do go with big white women because it is an easier life for them as she will do a lot for them to keep them. Black women would just tell them to hit the road. It is down to self esteem.

    Speaking as an African, I am sad to say that there are some African men look for an easy life and don’t want to work for what they want, but hey! Good news is that its not all African men.

  • By *Ex-strath dude also, September 27, 2011 @ 5:48 pm

    Hey, Mwangi, I’m a fellow kenyan and ex- strath guy :D Just stumbled on your blog while idly googling the time away. But your right on one thing, Africans are treated better than aboriginals…but were still looked down upon. Let me tell you my personal experience after having spent a couple of months in Perth, Australia.
    1. I’m kinda light-brown, so people find it a bit difficult to guess where am from. I frequently get asked where am from and once i mention am from Kenya, people’s reactions are usually like, “Oh, your from Africa?”
    2. Because of such stereotypes, i’m not even allowed to exercise my individuality. Instead am just seen as ‘that african guy’ and am lumped up together with people from Cameroon,Zimbabwe etc…coz you know, ‘we’re all the same’
    3.I once decided to spend a week being african american(yeah yeah i should not be embarrassed of my culture and all that BS but just shut up and let me finish the story.)I rocked out skinny jeans, converses and a fake american accent with the occasional n-word thrown in here and there.Results: people were fighting for my attention the whole week. I was deemed cool, the ‘must-have’ friend in you entourage. Girls were all over me! For once i actually felt proud to be black(Unlike when i tell people am from Kenya.) I even had to change my number and avoid previous haunts once i became tired of my AA gimmick.
    4. From that, i concluded that Aussies, especially the younger, ‘more liberal city folk’ really like African Americans….Africans, not so much.
    5. What most people know about Kenya, or Africa in general, is what they see on the tv(though i can’t blame them for that.)And the media rarely shows anything positive about Africa. The only positive things that people i met knew about Kenya was long-distance running and safaris.
    6. On the other hand, you have people who think Africans are exotic and will keep hanging out with you if you do more ‘African’ than ‘western’ things. E.g. consistently encouraging me to wear something African instead of wearing t-shirts and jeans. It’s the equivalent of thinking that,oh I don’t know, all Japanese women wear kimonos or something like that. In their heads, i’m assuming they think that you can’t be westernized even if you are from a traditionally non-westernized place.
    7. People don’t like sitting next to me on the bus and its a generally pleasant experience when somebody actually does.
    8. Asian people don’t like me and will really go out of their way not to interact with me.*However this does not apply if you claim to be African-american*(Yes i know am stereotyping and in fact i do have some Asian friends. Am just simply stating the ‘general feel’)
    9. The sad realization that i may actually be ‘white-washed.’ In fact this was probably before even coming to Oz. Hell, my favourite artist is Florence and The Machine. From a Nairobi-context Mwangi, i was the kinda guy who would listen to X-fm, watch loads of anime, take a piss on all things ragga related, spoke ‘nairobi english’(which i think should be called engsh. You’d probably recognise it with its common phrases such as ‘you guy’, ’si-you’. In fact if you’re from strath you probably know what am talking about),loved gaming,had watched all the latest tv shows etc. Even in Nairobi, people thought of me as being kinda weird.
    10. Being white-washed/westernized/whatever the hell you want to call it means i really didn’t have much of a problem adjusting to my current new life in Oz. It’s my version of Nairobi except better i guess? Though on the other hand i’m not really sure whether Oz will ever get used to me. I can instantly make any social situation awkward by just simply being there,I still face the ‘Africa stereotypes’ everyday when i meet someone new,people also tend to get ‘jumpy’ around me(sometimes i wonder whether i give off a ‘potential-rapist’ vibe),i’m always on the look out for potential Ku-Klux members, I find it easier to interact with other foreigners than with Aussies. Anyway you just have to make the best of what you’ve got

  • By Mwangi, September 30, 2011 @ 5:18 am

    @Ex-strath dude: First up, always great to hear from ex Strath folks. The African American vs African and I would even add British and West Indies African thing is definitely a reality. I actually have a friend I have known now for 9 years who started off with the African American act close to 10 years ago and is still continuing with the act and getting quite a high level of success.

    I think, ultimately, as educated as we think we all are, we really shouldn’t underestimate the power of all those superficial things we think we are above ( e.g. looks, fame, power, the way you are perceived in mass media). The older I get, and the more I read comments on this article, the more I am reminded that ultimately what I am discussing here isn’t an intellectual matter at all (as many people think that race, xenophobia and culture can be reduced to) but rather a discussion of our most primal, simplistic and probably animal parts of our nature.

  • By Katherine (Australia), November 12, 2011 @ 7:04 pm

    Hey, just reading through your post, its very funny, and I must admit, this does seem to apply in alot of cases. I am white, and whilst I’ve never been out with an African man, I must admit I do find them rather attractive.
    None of your above points apply to me hahaha.
    I just think African men are very attractive, same way some people find guys that have blonde hair and blue eyes attractive I guess haha.
    But I definately do agree, I have seen lots of overweight girls talking up black guys, I dont know why I guess its just the stereotype :)

  • By Avery girl, November 26, 2011 @ 7:53 am

    As a white woman in the U.S., i can honestly say that the only man who I fell in love with was a Nigerion….big mistake…. Beautiful man… Met him at a bar, which I rarely would do…. i treated assholes at bars like assholes… And, since he thought or assumed he was so smart and I apparently look like a dumb blond, he tried to hit on me using ONE of his MIDDLE NAMES… i was not in the mood for any dude so I callled his ass out on it. And told him that I caught onto his accent and when he said Nigeria was where he was from, I was like “dude, wtf, if that is true then what is ur real name? I am not dumb.”… And, I expected him to walk away insulted but, he was fascinated instead. I guess he couldnt believe that some hot blond girl could be less than a bimbo…. Anyways, I did end up… Not that night, but later, sleeping with him as friends with benefits… He had been in the states for like 12 years and was pretty Americanized… But, i didnt have expectatons of the ralationship until I realized that DEAR GOD, HE TREATS ME LIKE A QUEEN WHENEVER I AM NEAR HIM. I guess, it is that naturally fit and beautiful body mixed with how he treated me….. But, damn, as a noj stupid girl I was pretty dumb to start to fall for him… But, who wouldn’t? Some African men treat their women like GOLD even if it is friends with benefits…. Different than many American men, black or white… And, DEAR GOD, THAT SKIN IS BEAUTIFUL… I am no dummie, but, wow, that man was aweso e in many ways… i suppose I was being used like I used him; however, then the focus os feedig and caring for his family BACK Home comes into play along with any career opportunity… And I become”that girl” he was screwing… I am fine with that… But truth be told… Holy shit… African men can be soooo f ing hot!

  • By Lalasalama, December 15, 2011 @ 4:31 am

    Hello Mwangi,
    I just came across your blog, and this post right here. I had to tell you it really made me laugh. So much so that Id like to write something on what western women visit Africa expect of African men, because believe me there are just as many steriotypes and crazy beliefs. That being said people getting so offended by this piece of writing need to chill out! I am a white English woman, I am not over weight at all, I do not suffer from low self esteem, I am well educated, and I have never had a drug problem nor do I have a love of hip hop as a music genre. I am however in love with a Kenyan man, who found this blog entry equally as funny :)

  • By APrettyMzungu, December 31, 2011 @ 3:44 am

    I’m a 22 year old American girl, who just moved to Tanzania and found this post hilarious! And it’s funny because it’s true. Keep in mind though, there are exceptions- I like to think of myself as one, but for the most part, I see exactly where you are coming from. Initially, I went to Africa to volunteer, along with 30 other people (mostly girls) in the same program. In the beginning, I was shocked to see volunteers getting with locals and thought they all were kichaa sana (very crazy). It quickly became the norm and most of the girls found themselves being attracted to a guy. Although I questioned the reasoning, I didn’t see any problems with these relations, but I was strictly against this for myself. Keep in mind, I am considered an attractive girl and finding men wherever I go has never been a problem. Guys were the last thing on my mind when I came to Africa and for once in life- I was there to concentrate on everyone but myself. Welll isn’t life funny sometimes… To my surprise, by the end of the summer, I ended up joining the rest of them and -gasp- fell for a local. Obviously after 3 months living anywhere in this world, a girl is inevitably going to be open to the idea. I noticed for the most part, that the girls that loved “interacting” with locals in the beginning were in your categories (overweight, enjoy fads- interracial relationships IN in Hollywood right now, low self-esteem). One thing I think is missing in your category is: baggage/age. I noticed a lot of older women (usually divorced) tended to be attracted to locals (I recently met a 32 year old American woman, about to marry a 20 year old African boy). Also, girls at the age of 19-21 that are “experimenting” or “rebeling” and testing their limits. I also encountered married American women, volunteering for a few weeks and enjoying alll that Africa has to offer… Absolutely.Horrible. I found all of this to be quite interesting though. Elsewhere in the world, the majority of these females normally would not be hit on and guys don’t even take a double look- yet in Africa, they were swarmed with attention. I can see how they are the happiest they’ve ever been with this new found attention and desirability. I laughed at the idea, and as I said, had no problems with their relationships (live & let live, right?) – but I just did not see myself joining them. I haven’t had any trouble getting a guy wherever I am. I don’t mean this in a conceited manner at all, I just mean that this attention wasn’t new to me and I was used to it. I became good friends with many locals, including one that developed into much more- now I honestly consider him to be my soul mate (strong words, I know). I constantly find myself having to defend against these stereotypes though. Call me crazy, but I consider our love as an exception, a rare thing in this world. Especially to most mzungu-local relationships. Just know that it is possible to find love in Africa for all the right reasons. –If you take offense to this blog/post, then you most likely fall into these categories discussed. But if you’re happy, then really it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. :)

  • By Bakah, January 4, 2012 @ 6:45 am

    I’m an Africa man and like all of my friends without exception we all like bit girls,,generally speaking ,,, and for me I do have fetish attraction to the bigger white gal,,for non of the reasons you mention,, ,, I think this is a matter of personal preference,, that may have some cultural roots. For instance I like one of the girls in the picture, the one on the right with the curves,,,,

    Wow I thought came on just as I write this,, some people have suggest that the reason why it bigger or being fat is a good thing in the continent is because in the past in my area only the rich could afford three meals and consequently get bigger,, so there is the association better fat , bigger and being rich or well to do,,, whatever it may be the reason there is a genuinely root in African men being attracted to bigger women as a matter of fact,, not necessary obesse as that is a desease ,,,some how I dont hate tiny ones,, but grew up being fascinated by the bigger lady,,,at the moment I think am mature and size doesnt play a major rule in influencing who I dat,,,

  • By Nannu, February 29, 2012 @ 10:23 am

    Accidently stumbled upon this article..
    I dont know if youe blog is active anymore, as I see this post is a few years old, but I just had to say few words about what you wrote.
    I do see the things you describe happening. I also fill one stereotype myself, as being the fat girl. Ive been wondering a long time why black guys are toasting me constantly.
    As some of them might be thinking that cos of my size I might have bad self esteem etc. and they want to try their luck, but in most cases it has not been so.
    Ive met several who genuinely find bigger women attractive, and like the previous poster said, it seems to be something that is rooted in the culture. Of course not all men fit into that perception, as there are white guys who don’t like thin blondes too.

    I want to point out also, that being fat doesn’t automatically mean you are ugly, or have bad self esteem. It comes down to ur face, how your body is shaped etc. There are ugly thin women, and Ive seen some africans dating them too, which category do they go to?
    Some african guys probably would date whoever they can get, as long as she’s white. And in that way I do think that unfortunately some big women might be easier to get, IF they have low self esteem.
    Ive been suspecting, that maybe those newcomers who haven’t been exposed to many white girls in their life, cannot really tell how they look like. You know, kind of like a same phenomenon when you look at asians; they all seem to look alike at first. I know this might sound funny, but I actually know some african guys who told me that the first half a year, most whites looked the same to them.

    In a way I find this stereotype sad in my own case, cos I feel dating an african now should mean to an outsider looking that I have a low self esteem or can’t do better? I happen to be beautiful and intelligent and a good catch in many aspects, so people shouldn’t be judging too fast based on one characteristic.
    In the same way those african men who do think this way, are selling themselves short. Why do u think that a brother who’s dating a big girl automatically dates her because he is “settleing” for it?
    In scandinavia, where I’m from, many beautiful and succesful women of ALL shapes and sizes prefer african guys, cos they are warm and emotionally more expressive to the native guys here.

    Just some thoughts I wanted to share :)

  • By Nana98, March 6, 2012 @ 9:05 am

    @ APrettyMzungu okay, so today i was so depressed i had to go to the library and look out for things like this to read…it so cool to find this and couldn’t stop laughing. Anyways, I am African and i know i am cool, handsome,, sweet and you name it.. never had a problem with girls and when i was coming to the US, my deal was focus on books and finish up..But after 5months here I grown fond of the white girls and their way of doing things. However, I have noticed that none of my type has shown interest in me but the sect described by the writer…This is really true and for my African brothers the white girls are awesome if you want to be with one it’s cool but just don’t fall victim

  • By realtak, March 28, 2012 @ 3:12 am

    thats true about western white women, i can count how many black women i’ve done on my hands. white big, medium or skinny i have banged and lost count, oh yeah the thing about the myth is it might not always be true but however it is true about the best love making or sex, the attraction of a white women to black men is not to do with the dick. the attraction is greater than white men and white women. women are attracted to something beastly and different in appearance.

  • By onelove, April 23, 2012 @ 8:02 pm

    Mr Mwangi, your blog has been going on for a long time now!And with the same topic. I might as well throw in my penny worth. I believe if you meet someone and fall in love, their race, ethinicity, size and all that, does not matter. If you leave your country and go to any country in Europe, Africa, Americas, Asia, Australasia, chances are you will fall in love with the people who make up the majority in that country. Or if you will do it for exprimentation, the same goes. I live in Botswana, and I see alot of white men going out or married to local women. Some of the women are beautiful, some are not, and we the locals do wonder if the white dude is for real when it’s an ugly girl! We also wonder if the girls are genuine or after the dollars! But, that would be trying judge people you do not know. Personally, I think let them be! None of my business. So in short people can genuinely fall in love irrespective of race and all steriotypes mentioned.

  • By Roslyn, August 30, 2012 @ 8:29 pm

    I live in Melbourne Australia and would love to date a tall, well hung and educated African. African men are beautiful overall, and make great lovers.

  • By whitegirl, September 3, 2012 @ 4:40 pm

    This saddens me. I am from the US, 23 year old “white girl”. I actually stumbled upon this after having googled “african men and white women” because I have a huge crush on a kenyan man that I work with. Honestly, I have never ever known of a couple consisting of an African man and a white woman… however, I am only 24 years of age. I am not overweight and I don’t have low self esteem. I can’t have a drug problem (I am an RN and could be drug tested anytime), and as a nurse, I also know that being black doesn’t equal having a big one “down there”. lol. I was never attracted to him for the first year that we worked together. Our conversations were always limited… mostly because I couldn’t understand half of what he was saying. But over the past few months, we have gotten to know each other better. He has so many characteristics that I don’t find much of in the average american man, whether white or black. He is respectful and rather reserved sometimes. I have a growing desire for him. He told me he wasn’t married, and brings up the concept of relationship differences in our two very different cultures frequently. I’m pretty sure he knows I like him, but like I said, he’s pretty reserved. He acts shy almost. He also told me that if he found a lover in the states, he wanted to bring her back to kenya to live. So basically, I was trying to do some research. I have some african women friends who told me that alot of african men are still very traditional and only want circumcised females, that they think western women are whores!? Anyhow, point is, I hope he doesn’t think that I fit into one of these categories!

  • By Tony, September 18, 2012 @ 6:08 am

    I guess I am a bit late posting my comment as it was four years ago however I do not think that much has changed.

    I am a blackman and I live in the UK, i’m of west Indian parentage and I have dated Australian white women. I think your comments are amusing but stereotypes. It makes an interesting read and if you were a stand up comedian I would laugh however the fact that this is an internet blog makes it appear as though you are trying to pass your comments as truth and that is simply offensive.

    I don’t date overweight women Australian women. I do not know any. I am only a small guy. I do not smoke or take drugs and I have outgrown Hip Hop. The reasons people fall for each other are complex. I personally believe women in the west prefer westernised men which is why it may appear that white women chase black guys dressed in Hip Hop gear. After all Hip Hop is western culture. A lot of African men wear multi coloured cultural outfits which just do not go down well among western women they can also have views about women which are simply unacceptable. Also part of seduction is charm, making someone laugh. If you are from an different culture it may be harder for you to do this. In London I see a great deal of African men who feed into the Hip Hop stereo type and frankly most look ridiculous because it is clear they are fake.

    People tend to meet each other when they mix in similar social circles. A lot of black people prefer to be with black people and stick in black dominated circles. White people in my experience tend to be the same.

    Your article does not mention the most important thing. Attractiveness. I think I am a goodlooking guy regardless of my colour and would never date a woman just because she is white. She has to be goodlooking as well. Black people do not all look alike and I can’t believe a goodlooking black man is going to date an ugly woman anywhere just because she is white.

    It sounds like you went to Australia thinking you would get a lot of girls and it didn’t work so now you have a lot of bitter things to say about white women. That is not cool at all.

  • By Tony, September 18, 2012 @ 6:47 am

    I just wanted to add I have read some of the comments written by Nomad above and I agree with him whole heartedly. Maybe because we are both from the UK we have similar views. I note that katherine from the UK also had similar views so it might just be a UK thing.

  • By sabia, September 25, 2012 @ 6:32 pm

    I liked that article, I find it very funny…though I think some things can be added from my perspective as a white women. I am NOT into African men BUT if I feel like having sex and no-one is around I know that an African will be happy to help..hahaha…so please add a sixth category: women looking “just” for sex (they do exist)…
    On a more serious note: stereotypes exist for a reason but I truly believe that in the end love will conquer any differences in colour, cultural or religious views!

  • By Starde, April 10, 2013 @ 2:47 am

    Whoever wrote this is brain dead. How dare she say that any white woman who goes with a man of color must have low self-esteem. This writer has low self-esteem and a low IQ. There are plenty of slim, beautiful, curvy white women who prefer the masculinity and sex appeal of a black man over the whimpy under developed bodies and mentalities of white men. All White men think about his money and how they compare to black men. Well they don’t compare at all. Plenty of white women chase after black men because they look and act more like real men.

  • By Mwangi, July 11, 2013 @ 5:39 pm

    @Starde: When it comes to fresh-off-the-boat migrants, I still stand by what I wrote, these many years later. Africans born overseas, African Americans or those who have managed to assimilate to Western culture….entirely different story

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